


Kidnapped

by Beautiful_Aravis



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Kidnapping, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-03-25 17:16:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 60,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3818476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beautiful_Aravis/pseuds/Beautiful_Aravis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Y/N) was constantly being bothered by her older brother (a former SHIELD agent) to meet the colleagues he worked closely with-she stayed in alone far too much.  As a master's student, (Y/N) didn't have time not did she feel the need to indulge her brother.  A seemingly innocent trick to get her out takes a devastating turn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I'm doing this to myself, but I've had this story buzzing around in my head and I just had to start on it. Three ongoing works will be a challenge, but it'll be a fun one. Enjoy!

“I cannot believe I let you drag me out of bed before 10am on a Saturday,” (Y/n) griped in the passenger seat of her brother’s car. Brett looked over at the theatrical pout on his sister’s face and laughed.

“I see your alter ego ‘college girl’ has resurfaced,” he laughed, returning his eyes to the road. “You’re seriously complaining that I want to take you to breakfast?” Brett affected a hurt voice. (Y/n) swatted his shoulder two, three, four times. “Ow! Hey, I’m driving! Jeez!” he protested, cringing his shoulder away from (Y/n) before she finally stopped. She looked proud of herself.

“Yeah, big bad Brett, beat by his little sister. What would the others say?” (Y/n)’s eyes lit up. “There’s just so much they don’t know about you-“ she started before Brett leveled a glare in her direction.

“You wouldn’t dare,” he interrupted. “How many times have you threatened me with that? But will you ever meet them when I offer? No!” He stopped the car at the red light. “Why are you so against meeting them?” Brett asked, watching his sister out of the corner of his eye. 

(Y/n) shifted uncomfortably. She wasn’t sure why she declined invitation after invitation to meet a number of the famous Avengers when they were in town. At the time it was always easy enough to justify. Studying was a safe go to, papers to write, research to do. The pattern was easy enough to pick up after she had declined Brett’s invitations too many times. 

“I don’t know, it just never feels like a good idea,” she said lamely. Brett sighed but (Y/n) continued. “Believe it or not, master level classes are in fact time consuming. I use what free time I have to make sure the house is clean and you have food ready,” she added with a smirk. Their arrangement was a convenient one. The two shared a house just outside of Washington D.C. It was close enough for (Y/n) to easily drive to classes and for Brett to get to and from work. Brett was gone for long stretches of time when SHIELD sent him on missions but with (Y/n) there he didn’t need to worry about his home. The quiet time allowed (Y/n) a productive place to write, do research, and study. 

The past few months saw a drastic change in their routine. After the destruction of the Triskelion and the chaos the Winter Soldier let loose on the city, Brett was home more, awaiting instructions from his superiors. He was taking the collapse of SHIELD hard and (Y/n) was doing what she could to be there for her brother.

“Oh, I’m aware. I’ve seen you work on a paper for 12 hours straight before, (Y/n),” he said, his tone more gentle. “What I’ve not seen is you have any kind of a social life. You need to meet people outside of class and academia. You’re almost 30-“

“I’m 27 thank you very much,”

“You say that like being 30 is equivalent to being ancient,” Brett objected.

“It is, Mr. 33!” (Y/n) jibbed. 

“Yea, well don’t let Steve hear you say that, he might object,” Brett grumbled. (Y/n) tilted her head in confusion.

“Steve? As in Steve Rogers? When would I ever-“ her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “You didn’t, you’re not…” she trailed off.

“What? Neither of you ever get out and meet people. Having friends is kinda important, (Y/n),” his voice was gentle but firm with his younger sister. “I worry, you’re alone so much. What’s the worst that can happen? We’re all just going to have breakfast.” 

(Y/n) took a deep breath forcing herself to calm down, pushing back the biting remark that came to mind. Brett meant well, she reminded herself. 

“Did you warn him, or is he walking into an ambush as well?” (Y/n) did her best to keep the anger out of her voice. 

“He’s almost as difficult to get to go out as you are hence, why I think you’d be good for one another,” Brett relaxed when (Y/n) didn’t immediately lash out at him. “I’m not trying to set you two up if that’s what you’re concerned about. Though, if I were to set my _sister_ up, he’d probably be the one guy I’d trust not-“ 

“Finish that sentence and you’ll regret it, Brett,” (Y/n) warned from the seat next to him. Brett held his hands up in surrender.

“Fine, fine. Just, don’t take your irritation with me out on him. Please?” (Y/n) grunted her assent. “Thank you,” Brett let his head fall back against the headrest. Traffic was the usual stop and go standard within the city. “What is going on?” he lifted a hand from the steering wheel in frustration. 

“I have no idea, probably an accident,” (Y/n) said offhandedly. Brett took his cell out and handed it to (Y/n). 

“Find Steve’s number in there for me? I should let him know that we, err I am going to be late,” he said when (Y/n) raised her eyebrows. “No, I didn’t tell him you were coming,” (Y/n) rolled her eyes and scrolled through his phone for the correct number and initiated the call. Switching on speaker phone, she held the phone out so Brett could be heard when Steve answered. The phone continued to ring until it kicked over to Steve’s voice mail. “He’s probably stuck in the same traffic,” Brett said as (Y/n) ended the call.

“Probably,” (Y/n) said shifting in her seat. 

A loud explosion had the two ducking reflexively within the car. The large fireball billowed into the street not a block in front of them and the building was soon engulfed in flames. 

“What the hell?” (Y/n) said leaning forward trying to see what was happening. The traffic in front of them began to clear, the cars making U turns in the street as the explosion ahead had blocked all oncoming traffic. Brett pressed the gas pedal to the floor racing towards the chaos. 

“Press contact 7,” Brett said to (Y/n), “tell them where we are and that I’m on the scene, there’s been an explosion-“ (Y/n) shook her head and started to interrupt. “(Y/n)! It’s okay, we just need to get emergency crews here, it’s probably from a gas leak, but people need help,” Brett’s voice was collected. _Of course he thinks there’s nothing to worry about, he deals with worse things for a living_ (Y/n) thought, watching the phone shake in her hands.

After several tries, (Y/n) managed to force her fingers to cooperate and relayed the information her brother gave her over the phone while Brett accelerated, hands griping the steering wheel. 

The sound of screeching tires and another loud bang was all the warning Brett and (Y/n) got. There wasn’t even time to scream before their car was hit and started rolling. The sound of crunching glass and screeching metal filled (Y/n)’s ears as she was struggled to find something to hold on to. The car finally stopped driver side up on its side. Brett groaned as he turned, kicking the door until it fell off and he could climb out. He staggered over to where the other car, an SUV, had come to a stop mostly onto the sidewalk. The driver was unresponsive, his neck at a sickening angle.

“What the hell,” Brett stammered when gunfire suddenly filled the air before grabbing his gun from its place at his side. He scanned the area, waving people off as they came over to assist in what they had assumed was merely a tragic accident. He ducked behind the SUV, gun out. _For the love of all that’s good, stay in the car (Y/n)_ he thought to himself. At the thought of his sister he looked over to his upturned car-there was no way to get over to her without getting caught in the crossfire. 

Looking up and down the street, Brett saw a dark haired man running, a blond man chasing him. He must have hit his head in the crash, it looked like Steve. The shield that was hurtled after the man confirmed it. Confusion passed over Brett’s face before he gave chase, attempting to aid Steve. (Y/n) had to wait, he felt sick leaving her.

(Y/n) was dazed as she lay on her side still seat belted into the car. She muttered a curse and brought her hand to her head. Blood trickled down her forehead into her eye. Everything hurt. Unbuckling her seat belt she pulled herself up using the driver’s seat and console as a ladder until her head and shoulders were free of the car. With a grunt and a cry she pushed herself out of the car, falling straight to the ground from the top of the driver’s side door. Her head hit the ground with a crack and (Y/n) immediately thought she would vomit then and there. She lay there, slowly pushing herself onto her back, taking swift shallow breaths.

“Brett!” she croaked, turning and looking for her brother. She saw him not far, behind another crashed car for cover, shooting at a dark haired man who returned fire, keeping Brett pinned behind the car. The man’s back was to her but she saw Steve not far in front of him, shouting at Brett to stop. The man walked backwards and was almost upon (Y/n). She pushed with her feet to get up against the car and out of his way but the man looked to her immediately at the sound of crunching glass. 

With a swiftness that shocked (Y/n), the man was at her side and she found herself on her feet. A cold arm held her tightly to his side and she felt the sharp bite of a knife at her neck. She struggled but the man clamped down harder on her. 

“Brett!” (Y/n) screamed before the knife was pressed harder to her throat. Brett and Steve sprinted towards her. She knew they would rescue her, she thought that over and over again, _They’ll talk him down, they’ll get me_. Even so, panic began to set in. 

“Shut up,” the man growled and she froze. Brett and Steve had stopped running and were approaching slowly now. (Y/n) squeezed her eyes shut as tears began to stream down her face. “Come any closer and she dies,” he had leverage and he wasn’t about to waste it. Backing away slowly he dragged (Y/n) with him to Brett and Steve’s dismay. 

“She’s innocent, let her go, Bucky,” Steve said calmly. 

“Don’t call me that!” the man shouted causing (Y/n) to flinch. The knife nicked her throat and she felt a drop of blood rolling down her neck. 

“If you follow me, she dies,” he said calmly. Steve locked eyes with (Y/n). Her breath caught at that look, his eyes were filled with dismay. Brett’s face was one of barely contained rage.

“You let her go or I swear-“ he started but Bucky took another step back with (Y/n). 

“Don’t. Follow. Me.” (Y/n)’s abductor reiterated. There was another loud crash. Steve and Brett looked behind them at the second explosion as more smoke billowed into the air and filled the street. They were distracted only for a split second but when the two looked back to where Bucky had been standing with (Y/n), the street was now empty. Brett swore loudly and kicked the upturned car. Steve ran a hand over his face and through his hair, looking at the ground.

“We’ll get her back, Brett,” he said. Brett looked at the ground and nodded, taking deep breaths. Even if he had to kill this lunatic he would get his sister back, he promised himself.


	2. First Impressions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A brief introduction. Chapters will be much longer in the future, I just wanted to get this out there.

As soon as (Y/n) heard the blast, she felt herself being lifted and then there was nothing. It wasn’t until the man, _Bucky_ she thought, _Steve called him Bucky_ , had her pressed against the brick wall of an alley, shaking her that she came to. _Must’ve passed out_ she groaned as he gave her a particularly rough shake. As her eyes opened, she found herself face to face with the man she had only heard whispers about. 

“You’re…” she started but the dangerous look in Bucky’s eyes stopped her.

“Don’t,” his voice was dark. (Y/n) merely nodded her understanding. She glanced left and right; the alleyway was utterly deserted as was the neighboring street. A cold hand grabbed her chin, forcing her to look back at the terrifying man. “Walk, do as I say,” he left no room for discussion. He released (Y/n) from his grasp and she collapsed to the ground. Irritated he reached down, grabbing her under the arm and dragged her to her feet. He led her to an empty apartment building that looked to be long abandoned. (Y/n) didn’t recognize any of the buildings around her. 

Slipping behind a sheet of plywood, Bucky pulled (Y/n) through the boarded up entry way and into an abandoned lobby. Dirt and debris covered the floor and drifted into piles in corners. With a knife, Bucky cut the cord off of two old lamps that flanked a crumbling fireplace. He was not gentle as he grabbed (Y/n)’s wrists and bound them together, lowering her to the floor so she was seated against the wall, he began to tie her feet. She couldn’t let herself be bound, she had to run; this man was crazy enough to actually kill her. With one swift kick, she hit Bucky in the nose and lunged to the side, pushing herself to her feet with her fists. (Y/n)’s legs were wobbly and she only managed to get three steps before she felt a solid mass collide with her, slamming her body to the ground. Her breath was knocked out of her and she hiccupped, gasping for air that wouldn’t come. Bucky’s weight was fully pressed against her back, making her chest protest in pain. 

Bucky flipped her over and pinned her. “Do that again and I’ll stop you with a bullet,” his lip curled in anger. Clamping his leg around (Y/n)’s, he tied her ankles as mercilessly as he tied her hands. Bucky pulled (Y/n) so she was sitting and leaned her back against the wall before wiping the blood that trickled from his nose on the back of his sleeve. 

“What are you going to do with me?” (Y/n)’s voice trembled as she looked up at the man in front of her. 

“For now you’re insurance,” he said checking his gun and knife. 

“And later?” (Y/n) asked quietly. The man in front of her didn’t look inclined to reply as he paced the small lobby. She wondered if he had even been thinking when he took her. Did he see her brother get out of the same car? It was all happening so quickly she couldn’t possibly imagine his choosing her was anything but a coincidence. 

_James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes_. (Y/n) knew the name. Everyone did at least a brief overview of Captain America and the Howling Commandos in school growing up. Then it surged to the foremost of interest when the Avengers saved New York and again when the Smithsonian exhibit opened. Besides that, she heard the name whispered on the phone by her brother. (Y/n) didn’t purposefully eavesdrop but it was hard to miss the name and _Winter Soldier_. 

“You’re him?” she tried again. When the soldier remained silent she leaned her head back against the wall, wincing at the contact. “Few months back, the chaos in D.C.?” she added quietly. That made him stop pacing. His back was to her and she took the opportunity to look openly at him. He wore black combat boots and dark pants, and a sturdy jacket. (Y/n) watched as he secured the gun he held in a holster at his side and place his knife into a sheath hidden inside his pocket. 

“We’re moving as soon as it’s dark,” he said and left the room. (Y/n) almost shouted a protest but thought better of it.

“When it’s dark, it’s only what… noon?” (Y/n) muttered to herself. In her entire life, (Y/n) couldn’t recall ever being in such a dire situation. Her whole body hurt. _In a normal world, I’d be in the hospital right now,_ she thought to herself and almost started laughing. (Y/n) looked down at her arms, dark bruises had started to show along the outside of her right arm where the car had rolled. The length of her arm up to where her tee shirt sleeve began was covered with small cuts. There was a dark bruise across her chest from the seatbelt and she could only imagine what her face looked like. Her jeans had protected her legs from a majority of the sharp debris and shrapnel and her boots had provided some degree of protection to her feet. There was a deep ache in her R leg that radiated most of its length and the awkward position she was forced to hold her arms in was bringing to life a pain in her shoulder that increased with each minute. “I’m going to die here,” she finally whispered, her head lolling to the side as tears seeped out of her closed eyes down her cheeks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some roller coaster emotions on the reader's part! Also, its extremely mild, but if you have a trigger for any of the warnings this work has, be aware. Its very mild and a misunderstanding but I'd rather be overboard with carefulness than be remiss. 
> 
> Question: Do you prefer long chapters or short chapters? Shorter chapters mean more frequent updates, but longer chapters can have a *lot* more content. Informal poll! Which do you want!?

(Y/n) sat alone in the silence for an eternity. She had long since stopped her vain attempts to free herself from the cords. Her wrists stung from the friction burns that developed as she struggled against the bonds-another pain in the long list she already had from the crash. Despairing that she had been left to rot, (Y/n) slowly lowered herself to her side and curled into a fetal position as best she could and wept. 

A hand on her shoulder jolted her to wakefulness as her eyes strained in the absolute darkness of the room. _When did it get dark, when did I fall asleep?_ she thought to herself before pushing back away from the hand that gripped her shoulder. 

“Who?” she started to ask before memories of the late morning returned. Bucky had returned for her, if he had ever left. Once again, the man grabbed her upper arm and pulled her to a sitting position before she felt his hands at her ankles, untying the cords. 

“On your feet,” his voice was low as he continued to pull on her right arm. (Y/n) yelped in pain as cold fingers gripped the painful area. 

“You have to untie my hands,” (Y/n) said resisting Bucky. Her mind was racing to get to a place where she was as free as possible should the opening arise to escape. “People will notice…” she pushed before she saw a glint in the darkness. (Y/n) felt the cold steel of a blade against her arm and bit back a cry. There was a brief feeling of tension before the cord fell from her wrists. _That was … surprisingly easy_ she thought as she rubbed her raw wrists. 

“You run, you die. You yell, call for help, make any noise, you die,” he gripped (Y/n)’s chin and tilted it up to look into his eyes. “Do you understand?” he hissed. (Y/n) nodded, eyes wide, lips pressed together until they were nearly white from the pressure. “Good,” he turned and pulled (Y/n) alongside him. 

The roads Bucky led (Y/n) on were long deserted. Even the houses were cold and empty. Soon the houses were few and far between, giving way to industrial buildings and storage areas in various stages of deterioration. By the time Bucky found the particular loose piece of plywood he was looking for, (Y/n) was shivering. Bucky guided her through the opening behind the graffiti covered plywood and then navigated the abandoned warehouse until they reached an area set apart. 

(Y/n) stared at the shelter in shock. There were several blankets, a pit filled and outlined with rocks with what looked to be the remainder of a small fire, and some bottles of water. (Y/n)’s mind was a maze of confusion, anger, and pity for this man. How can someone live this way? Bucky reached up and pulled a chain attached to a utility light that flooded the room once he had secured the entryway. (Y/n) remained standing where Bucky had placed her, arms wrapped around herself to try and keep the cold out. 

For the first time Bucky stopped and looked at her. Confusion passed over his face as he took in his prisoner for the first time. Wordlessly he took her shoulders and guided her to the mass of blankets and sat her down. Reaching over to his limited stash of water, he unscrewed the cap, pulled out a rag and wet it before wiping the dried blood from (Y/n)’s face. (Y/n) held still, unable to fathom this drastic change in her captor. Bucky inspected the gash on her head when it began to bleed again and held the wet rag to the wound. The pressure was uncomfortable but bearable. When the bleeding slowed, Bucky pulled another rag out and systematically wiped down (Y/n)’s arms covered in dried blood, grease, and grime from the accident. When he looked at the dark bruises and raw skin around her wrists his eyes narrowed. 

“You aren’t used to having a hostage, are you?” (Y/n) said quietly. Bucky shook his head before inspecting (Y/n)’s right arm again. She gave up hope of him answering as the silence between them stretched on.

“Not used to people,” he said after he wrapped another rag around a particularly deep cut on (Y/n)’s forearm. (Y/n) raised her eyebrows, _no, I guess you wouldn’t be_ she thought to herself. “What happened to you?” he surprised her with his question.

“Car wreck,” (Y/n) said quietly, studying Bucky who refused to make eye contact. He lifted her wrists, touching the raw, bruised skin and raised a questioning eyebrow. (Y/n) shifted, his look making her uncomfortable. He bound her; she should not be feeling guilty for trying to escape. “I thought I could get out…” she finally offered as an explanation. 

“I’m….sorry,” he finally said, eyebrows drawn down in concentration. (Y/n) was speechless. This wasn’t the same man who dragged her away from a car wreck, away from her brother, holding a knife to her throat. Was it? _What do I say to that…_ she thought.

“Thank you, Bucky,” she said tentatively. He flinched at the use of his name and stood before stalking away from (Y/n). He came back carrying a knife in its leather sheath and (Y/n) began to panic, pushing back away from him. “Please, I didn’t mean—“ her voice trailed off into a whimper when he took the knife out. Kneeling beside her he set the knife on the ground and balanced the sheath on his knee. 

“Lay down,” he ordered and (Y/n) closed her eyes. Tears seeped out of her tightly closed lids. _Not this, anything but this,_ she thought to herself but was too terrified for words to form. She felt his hands on her right shoulder and cried out when he pushed up under her arm. “Put this in your mouth,” he instructed, placing the leather sheath between (Y/n)’s teeth. “Bite down, this will hurt,” his voice was calm and even while his actions were measured. 

“What?” (Y/n) said around the sheath in her mouth. 

“I need to fix this,” he said taking hold of her right wrist he leaned back and put his foot into her armpit. Just as (Y/n) realized what was happening, Bucky pulled with his arms and pushed with his foot. (Y/n) screamed as she bit down on the leather and there was a deep pop as her shoulder was seated back into place. (Y/n) lay on the ground panting, crying through the pain of having her shoulder set. Bucky stood and took the knife sheath that had fallen to the ground, now with deep teeth marks in it, and returned it and the knife to his pocket. 

When the sharpest of the pain began to dull and her crying slowed, (Y/n) carefully pushed herself to sit up against the wall with her left hand. She knew she needed to, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to thank Bucky for fixing her shoulder. Bucky opened a bottle of water, sitting down across from (Y/n) in the tiny room before he drank some. Absently he reached over, opening another bottle before offering it to (Y/n). She accepted it and gulped down half the bottle before taking a deep breath. He opened a packet of dried fruit and ate a handful before offering some to (Y/n) as he did with the bottle of water. (Y/n) gratefully took the dried fruit mix, leaning forward to reach with her left hand while her right arm was cradled against her stomach. The two continued on like this in silence until (Y/n) felt her eyes begin to droop. 

“Why did you take care of me?” she finally asked, letting her head sink back against the concrete wall behind her. It was difficult to keep her barrier of anger and fear fortified while he took care of her and that troubled (Y/n) greatly.

“You’re injured,” he replied as if that were answer enough. (Y/n) huffed a laugh that quickly turned into a yawn. “You should sleep,” he said nodding to the blanket and abandoned cushion before he stood, reaching for his knife. With quick, deft strokes, he sliced a long piece of fabric from one of the blankets. “I’m sorry,” he said though (Y/n) couldn’t see his face as he knelt behind her, binding her wrists together behind her back. The motion sent fire through her shoulder but it was short lived as he made quick work of the knot. Wordlessly he went to a rolled up blanket across from (Y/n) and laid on his side using the blanket as a pillow. 

(Y/n) leaned back against the wall. At least she had been given a discarded cushion to sit on. The way her arms were tied awkwardly behind her back was uncomfortable, boarding painful. There was no possible way for her to lie down and sleep bound the way she was. Shifting, she let her head drop back against the wall, then down until her chin rested on her chest, then tried resting her head sideways down against her shoulder. It was useless. (Y/n) resigned herself to a sleepless night. _If I could at least sleep I could not think about how much my body hurts_ she closed her eyes, wishing that the entire situation was nothing more than a horrific nightmare.

Bucky lay as far away from (Y/n) as the tiny room allowed which wasn’t far. Huddled into a corner, his eyes were closed and his forehead was creased as if he was deep in thought. He had been quiet for long enough that (Y/n) assumed he had finally drifted off to sleep. _Bastard_ she thought bitterly to herself. It was easier to remember that this man was dangerous and an enemy when he wasn’t taking care of her. She turned her head away from him, hoping she might get tired enough that her body would overcome the discomfort.

Just as she felt sleep taking her in, she heard a garbled moan. The room went silent and (Y/n) assumed she had imagined the noise until she heard it again, this time accompanied by a pained voice. 

“Stop,” she heard clearly and turned to see Bucky’s lips twitching, his arms brought up around him protectively. “Get away from me, you—don’t!” his voice became desperate, pleading. (Y/n) watched the man across from her in the grips of a nightmare, trembling. 

_He’s your abductor, he’s mentally unstable, and he’s been to hell and back in almost every sense of the phrase except the literal_ (Y/n) thought, clenching her jaw. She pitied him. It could be stretched that she had empathy for his dire situation. But it would be a mistake for her to turn soft. _No Stockholm syndrome here_ she forcefully reminded herself. She had heard enough horror stories from veterans suffering from PTSD that she knew waking him could make matters far worse for herself. _He’s not in danger,_ (Y/n) thought as she considered him once again.

(Y/n) watched Bucky as he went from trembling and yelling at his haunted dreams to pleading with them before his body was completely wracked with shivers. Her anger softened when she saw tears squeeze out of his tightly shut eyes. _You’re so broken,_ she thought as her eyebrows drew down and guilt surged through her. 

Before she knew what she was doing, she had pushed herself forward from the wall and was using her feet to pull her forward towards Bucky. He remained fully entrenched in his night terror. His screaming was only interrupted by shouts of “ _No!_ ” gasps of pain, and muttering in what sounded like Russian. Carefully she lowered herself to the ground, trying not to fall onto her battered side. Slowly, she inched closer to him until her head was next to his. Her arms will still tied mercilessly behind her back so she did what she could do and gently put her head down on top of his. 

“Shhh,” she whispered and pressed her cheek to his forehead. With a whimper he reached out and held onto her upper arm and she quietly said his name. “You’re safe, Bucky,” (Y/n) reiterated and lifted her head to brush her cheek against his, trying to push his long hair out of his face. Bucky’s hand tightened around (Y/n)’s arm when she moved away from him. Emboldened by this realization, (Y/n) gently whispered to Bucky once more that he was safe before pressing a tender kiss to his forehead. His shivering stopped and (Y/n) was exhausted from holding herself in such an awkward position that she couldn’t protest when she felt his arm pull her close. 

“What did they do to you,” she whispered, her cheek still pressed to his forehead. (Y/n) felt her eyes well with tears as she watched this broken man in front of her who both terrified her and filled her with more sadness than she ever thought possible. “What have they done to you,” she said again, pressing one more kiss to his temple before he settled into what she hoped was a dreamless, peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Feedback is extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! Much love <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky just does not know how to respond to this strange woman he's somehow managed to take hostage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are fantastic! It's a little bit of a shorter chapter, but it was such a natural break I didn't want to force it further. Enjoy!

Bucky slowly became aware of his surroundings as consciousness nagged at the corners of his mind. Waking peacefully was a foreign concept to him. There was a weight against his chest and warmth there that was strangely soothing. As soon as comfort registered in his mind Bucky was immediately alert. Bucky’s eyes shot open but he remained completely still, assessing his surroundings for a threat and then the cause of this bizarre sensation. 

His eyes fell on (Y/n), her head on his chest, her body at a right angle to his. She faced towards him on her side. She was still deeply asleep, contorted though her body was. _When, how did this happen?_ Bucky warily eyed (Y/n). His right hand was resting against her ribs as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He looked intently at her. The previous evening he had taken care of (Y/n) to the best of his ability, but overnight bruises that had appeared minor had darkened and new ones appeared. He inspected her face: the hollow under one eye was a light purple and her right cheek was swollen and mottled with a dark bruise. The gash on her right temple that he had tended to was covered once again with dried blood. 

_Is this what people look like in the aftermath of my missions? The ones who had gotten caught in the crossfire? The ones that had the misfortune of being in my way?_ Bucky’s brow furrowed in thought. 

At Bucky’s stirring, (Y/n) began to wake. Her first confused thought was that she had somehow managed to lose both of her arms. It wasn’t until she shifted and unconsciously pulled against the tie holding her hands behind her back that pain shot through her injured shoulder. (Y/n) whimpered at the pain and her eyes opened only to find Bucky staring directly at her. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep. _The nightmare_ (Y/n) remembered, _He wouldn’t let me go, that’s right_. The two remained where they were, staring at one another, trying to figure out what to make of the situation. (Y/n) finally shifted and cleared her throat.

“I’m sorry,” she said as she gracelessly attempted to sit up. Bucky remained still as (Y/n) struggled into a seated position. “That was…inappropriate of me, I guess,” she pursed her lips in thought. Bucky slowly sat up and pushed back away from (Y/n) but continued to hold her with an unreadable look. _Why doesn’t he say anything?_ (Y/n) thought, frustrated. She wasn’t well practiced in the art of allowing silence, always feeling the need to fill it even if it meant rambling on and on. “You,” (Y/n) started before looking down into her lap, “You were having a nightmare, I think,” she shrugged her good shoulder self-consciously. “It looked pretty bad.” Bucky remained silent. “I---you were shivering, I couldn’t just leave you,” (Y/n) searched for some place to look, anywhere but at the silent man sitting across from her. “You calmed down, but-“ her voice trailed off and she finally made eye contact with Bucky, “you wouldn’t let me go,” she said quietly. 

Bucky was confused by the entire scenario. From (Y/n) feeling some responsibility to console him to his unconscious act of keeping her with him, none of it made sense to him. He nodded to (Y/n), acknowledging her explanation as he sat and considered what she had just told him. 

“I told you before, I’m not used to people,” he was unnerved by each new interaction with (Y/n). She simply nodded her understanding. Bucky finally made his way towards (Y/n), crouching next to her as he released her hands and feet. Sitting back on his heels he inspected her once more. Seemingly lost in thought he gestured vaguely to her face and arm. “I don’t remember car accidents doing this kind of damage.” The statement surprised (Y/n).

“Remember?” she said slowly. “Back to before the war?” (Y/n) prompted. Bucky hesitated before nodding. “Well, I think the speed limit was quite a bit lower back then, I know it was during the war,” she added. “Car safety has changed a lot, but this one well—this was just a bad car wreck,” (Y/n) said reaching up to gently rub her sore shoulder. 

“I can see that,” Bucky raised his eyebrows. _Sarcasm?_ (Y/n)’s lip twitched with a slight smile. With the change in Bucky’s mood, she decided to push her luck.

“I should go to the hospital, Bucky,” (Y/n) pleaded. Bucky stiffened at the use of his name.

“What more could they do for you? No,” he was firm and (Y/n) backed off immediately upon seeing his agitation. The two sat in silence once more. After taking a few calming breaths, Bucky once again offered (Y/n) a portion of his food and water. As the two ate, the tension seemed to ease slowly out of Bucky.

“You don’t seem any worse for wear,” (Y/n) said after Bucky handed her the last piece of dried fruit. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean you were right next to an explosion and exchanged gunfire yesterday and I don’t see a scratch on you,” a half smile played at (Y/n)’s lips. Bucky considered this.

“Missions required me to be…resilient,” Bucky looked at his hands. (Y/n) decided to keep her mouth closed for once; talking about former “missions” seemed like a very bad idea.

“Resilient huh?” (Y/n) urged hoping he might continue but when Bucky refused to elaborate the conversation died out once again. “Bucky?” she said once the silence had dragged on beyond comfort. He looked over at her and (Y/n) tried not to react to the fact that he responded to his name. “Do you have a plan here?” she was wary as she asked, preparing for an outburst. Instead, Bucky sat there looking hopeless.

“Figure out what I am,” he mumbled looking at his hands. _I’m pretty sure you’re a who not a what_ (Y/n) corrected mentally. 

“You know,” (Y/n) picked at a hole in her jeans breaking eye contact, “Steve might be able to help you,” she kept her voice quiet and even, preparing for an outburst. 

“No!” Bucky’s head came up sharply. (Y/n) still flinched at his tone even though she expected such a response. 

“Are you afraid of what he’ll do to you?” (Y/n) pulled at the threads that had come loose surrounding the hole in the fabric that was taught over her knee. _That’s it (Y/n), keep talking, keep digging that hole,_ she took a shuddering breath. 

“No,” Bucky’s tone was calmer this time but resolute. Cautiously, (Y/n) raised her head to look at the man across from her. He affected an unreadable face but his body language screamed worry. (Y/n) frowned as she watched him. 

“You’re afraid of what you’ll do to him,” it wasn’t a question, and Bucky didn’t reply. Instead he clenched his jaw and his hands balled into fists. “He can help you,” (Y/n) started but immediately regretted her decision to push the subject. Bucky sprung, lunging at her, forcing her to the ground with a hand over her throat. 

“You have no idea what I’m capable of,” his eyes narrowed as he stared at (Y/n), just inches from her face. (Y/n)’s eyes had gone wide and her entire body froze. 

“Do you know what you’re capable of?” she whispered. _Where did that come from?_ (Y/n) prepared for the worst. Instead though, she saw doubt pass over Bucky’s face. He loosened his grip on (Y/n)’s throat slightly as he thought over her odd statement. “Last night,” her voice waivered as she tried to build up courage, “you helped me,” she stopped and waited for her words to sink in. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Bucky released her and returned to his seat against the wall. _How far do I push…_ (Y/n) bit her lip as she watched the distraught man who refused to make eye contact with her. “And just now, you could’ve killed me,” her voice was gentle, “Neither of those fall under the cold hearted, merciless killer category.” She grimaced as she pushed herself back up to being seated but kept her eyes on Bucky. His furrowed his brow at her comment but didn’t respond. 

Bucky stood quickly and walked over to where the long makeshift rope lay and knelt to pick it up. (Y/n) closed her eyes and let her back rest back against the wall. She was unable to keep tears from welling up in her eyes when she finally looked up at Bucky, now standing over her holding the rope. Just when she thought she might be making some sort of progress everything backslid. Hopelessness began to descend over (Y/n)‘s mind and she put her arms together and raised them. Bucky looked at the rope in his hands before his eyes took in (Y/n) holding her wrists together. When he made eye contact with her and saw the glint of tears being held back he hesitated. 

“If I leave you here, without this,” he raised the hand holding the makeshift rope slightly, “will you stay?” Bucky couldn’t believe his own ears and (Y/n) was certainly confused. Could she promise? She didn’t think she’d make it very far on her own. Before she had fully considered his question and her answer, she was nodding and saying a quiet “yes.” With a nod, Bucky let the scraps fall to the ground and turned on his heels leaving (Y/n) alone to contemplate the truly bizarre conversation that had just occurred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Your feedback has been amazing and helps me so much! Much love <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for not updating in a while! I've been very *very* ill for the past two weeks, as in flat on my back feel like I'm going to die sick. It's taking a while but I'm slowly recovering and today I got to finish this chapter that I started what feels like ages ago! Thank you guys so much for reading this and sticking with me! Enjoy!

(Y/n) had no way to tell how long she had been left but it felt like an eternity. She had explored every inch of the tiny room Bucky had turned into his makeshift shelter and had even ventured to look out the door into the larger portion of the warehouse. The lack of any access to the outdoors was disconcerting if only because (Y/n) could no longer tell if it was daylight or not. Being out in the large open storage area was beginning to make (Y/n) feel exposed and she found herself gravitating back towards the tiny room, sliding behind the covered entrance.

_What possessed me to agree to stay?_ she thought as she curled up in the corner on one of the few blankets. _Is there anything keeping me from leaving?_ The thought surprised (Y/n) and she began to list off reasons to stay and to leave.

_He kidnapped me, threatened to kill me multiple times, tied me up…but even if I were to get out, I have no idea where I am, I’m in rough shape-injured, exhausted_ she did her best to curl into a fetal position to try to keep out the cold that leeched through the thin blanket from the concrete floor. _He also took care of me,_ (Y/n) absently rubbed her shoulder, _well, as best as he could. He obviously needs help._ As she lay there, (Y/n)’s eyes grew heavy. Her last thoughts before drifting off to sleep were questions of what Bucky must have been like before he was taken and twisted. 

Bucky returned some hours later, silently navigating the makeshift door to his hidden room. A brief moment of panic threatened when he didn’t immediately see (Y/n). Sweeping the room with his eyes, he saw her hand sticking out from under the pile of blankets. Concern etched on his face, he set down the bag and backpack he was carrying and knelt next to (Y/n), pulling the blanket back. She was curled into an impossibly small ball and her bare arms were nearly white. Cautiously, he reached out and put a hand on her arm; it was cool to the touch. (Y/n)’s eyes opened and after she got over her initial startle at being awoken, she gave Bucky a small smile.

“You didn’t forget about me,” she said sleepily, sitting up. 

“And you stayed,” he raised an eyebrow. He hadn’t anticipated she would keep her promise. At this point, he wasn’t sure why he needed to keep her; he had managed to once again duck below the radar. Her usefulness was at an end.

“Is that… do I smell chicken?” (Y/n)’s sleepy voice was suddenly filled with excitement as her stomach growled. Bucky couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips at her enthusiasm. In answer, he lifted the bag and sat next to her, watching as (Y/n) dug into the paper containers. “Do I want to know how you got this?” (Y/n) looked up at Bucky playfully. 

“Probably not, though if someone is that concerned about their takeout they probably shouldn’t leave it on the ground while they’re looking through their purse…” he tilted his head thoughtfully before giving (Y/n) a mischievous smile. (Y/n) smiled to herself as she leaned forward to pick up a piece of fried chicken. It was the strangest ‘normal’ conversation of all time. 

She tried in vain to keep the blanket wrapped around her shoulders as she balanced the styrofoam container on her lap. The early spring weather was not being kind to those without access to modern heating. Before she could take a bite, Bucky stopped her. He had been watching her and thought back to how she looked when he found her, curled up and asleep. Wordlessly he took off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. Bucky still had a dark long sleeved shirt to keep him warm. (Y/n) looked up questioningly before she slid her arms into the large jacket. 

“Thank you,” (Y/n) was unsure of this strange change that had come over Bucky. It was certainly better than being terrified but (Y/n) still didn’t know what to make of it. Bucky gave a slight nod of his head before he dug into a container of food. The heat from the food was doing wonders to help (Y/n) warm up as was the jacket. It was still warm from Bucky when she had slid into it and soon all traces of the cold were banished. The two ate in silence, their hunger taking precedence for the moment. When the last of the chicken was gone, (Y/n) leaned back against the wall and put a hand over her stomach.

“Thank you, Bucky,” she turned and gave the man a small smile. “I think we both desperately needed a hot meal,” (Y/n) grinned. Bucky leaned back as well, his head falling back to the wall behind him. 

“You’re welcome---“ he started and then stopped, realizing for the first time that he didn’t even know this woman’s name. “It seems like you call me ‘Bucky’ as often as you can, why is that?” he changed his line of thought, embarrassed for some reason that he didn’t know her name. 

“You react better each time I say it,” (Y/n) gave him a small smile; her eyes were heavy now that she was finally full from a hot meal. “It doesn’t seem to spook you quite as much as it did before,” she added when Bucky remained silent. He thought this over - it was true that he didn’t immediately feel the need to attack at the mention of his name. The name Bucky still felt foreign to him. 

“What should I call you then?” Bucky finally came out of his thoughts. (Y/n) was yawning and rubbing the side of her head when he asked. She replied with a sleepy _Mmm?_ and Bucky repeated the question.

“(Y/n),” she said with another yawn. “My name’s (Y/n),” her head lolled to the side so she could look at Bucky. 

“(Y/n),” he repeated and (Y/n) nodded with a sleepy smile. “I think you need some sleep,” Bucky’s voice was light for the first time since he had abducted (Y/n). (Y/n) raised her eyebrows though her eyes remained half closed and nodded. 

“I think you’re right,” she stifled another yawn. “What time is it?” (Y/n) asked. Being locked away from all time cues was taxing on her mind. Bucky thought a moment back to when he had been out in the city.

“Pretty late by now,” his voice was far away. (Y/n) was starting to nod off and soon her head had lowered and was lightly resting on Bucky’s shoulder next to her. Bucky tensed at the contact. “You really shouldn’t sleep sitting up, I think it’s bad for your neck,” he said quietly looking down at the head resting on his shoulder. He guessed that she was now his responsibility. 

When (Y/n) remained silent, he glanced down at her once again and saw that she had fallen asleep. _God, what do I do now?_ The thought pained him. Personal contact was not something he was comfortable with. He amended that to _purposeful_ personal contact as his thoughts drifted back to the peaceful feeling he had that morning as he hovered between sleep and wakefulness. As gently as he could, he lowered (Y/n) to lie on the ground with her head on one of the rolled up blankets. There was only one other blanket and after struggling with what to do, Bucky finally laid back, putting himself between (Y/n) and the concrete wall and draped the blanket over both of them. He turned on his side, making sure his back was to (Y/n). _I need to get another blanket if I’m going to keep her here,_ he thought to himself before shaking his head.

\---

(Y/n)’s eyes flew open as she was grabbed and pinned to the ground where she lay. She opened her mouth to scream when a hand clamped over it while something cold pressed down hard on her throat. Through the haze of sleep, her eyes finally settled on Bucky above her. (Y/n) could barely make out his face just inches from her’s. Her mind raced to try to make sense of what was happening. Had someone found them? Was there some danger? (Y/n) was just about to try and speak past Bucky’s hand when the pressure on her throat increased. She strained to look down and saw the forearm of Bucky’s metal arm was holding her mercilessly in place. 

“Who are you?” Bucky’s voice was low and (Y/n) tried to press herself further into the ground to get further away from him. Bucky watched her intently and lifted his hand from her mouth slightly to allow her to answer. When (Y/n) remained silent he leaned closer. “How did you find me?” 

“I—I didn’t find you,” (Y/n) finally stuttered. Bucky frowned and replaced his forearm with his fingers, gripping (Y/n)’s neck. Panic welled up in (Y/n) as her mind raced to simultaneously make sense of this change while convincing Bucky not to kill her. “You took me hostage,” the words flew from her mouth and she gasped as Bucky’s grip faltered slightly. “Bucky?” (Y/n) whispered hopefully. Slowly, Bucky released (Y/n) and pushed back away from her. (Y/n) remained as still as possible.

“(Y/n)?” his voice was still wary. (Y/n) just nodded her head though he couldn’t see her affirmation until he flipped on the utility light. Bucky wiped a hand over his face as he sat back on his heels. _She must have moved in her sleep,_ he thought. “I—I’m sorry,” he tried to shake the sleep from his head. “You startled me,” Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose. (Y/n) stayed on the ground and held as still as possible until she saw Bucky some of his tension release. Slowly she pushed herself up so she could sit.

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly, trying to give Bucky enough space. He huffed and let his head drop back against the wall, eyes closed. He had attacked her and she was trying to make sure _he_ was okay. No he was not okay. He’d never sleep normally again, paranoia would follow him forever, and he put anyone remotely close to him in danger. No, he was never going to be _okay_. Bucky resisted the urge to put his metal fist through the concrete. 

“Did I hurt you?” he asked and opened one eye to look over at (Y/n). She brushed her fingers over her throat and shook her head. _Well there’s that at least_ he sighed as he trained his eyes on the ceiling. The two sat in silence while (Y/n)’s brain raced trying to find a way to ease the tension. Carefully, she pulled over the backpack Bucky had returned with earlier that had been ignored until now. Bucky’s hand twitched towards his knife at the slight movement and sound. (Y/n) stopped immediately and waited for Bucky to realize it was only her. 

“What’s this?” her voice was soft as she pulled the backpack into her lap. 

“Found it,” Bucky’s answer was curt. “Might have supplies,” he followed up and watched as (Y/n) opened the bag to search through it. 

(Y/n) emptied the backpack out item by item. Whoever had been unfortunate enough to not keep their backpack close by certainly hadn’t packed it for a survival adventure. (Y/n) set down a few paperbacks, a set of headphones, gum, a bottle of Advil, a deck of cards, a few power bars and a bottle of water. 

“Looks like someone was heading on a trip,” (Y/n) said setting most of the items aside. “I should probably take this,” she said holding the Advil and water. A quick glance in Bucky’s direction confirmed that he wasn’t going to object. She downed the pills with a gulp of water and hoped it would help take the edge off of the worst of her pain. (Y/n) watched Bucky flex his hand into a fist and clench his jaw. _Need to get him distracted_. She wasn’t sure if her motive was to keep Bucky calm for her own safety or for his wellbeing but at that moment either was reasonable. (Y/n) picked up the deck of cards and turned it over in her hands thoughtfully. “What do you think?” she asked waiting for him to look over before she held the deck up. “Up for a game of cards?” Bucky stared intently at the cards in (Y/n)’s hand. 

“I don’t know any games,” his said flatly. (Y/n) scooted closer to him so that the two were facing one another. 

“Surely you can play poker,” she encouraged as she pulled the cards out of the paper case. Shuffling was a little difficult with her battered right arm but she managed even if it was a bit clumsy. (Y/n) dealt five cards to both of them before setting the rest of the cards down between them. “Go on,” (Y/n) prompted Bucky when he made no move to pick up his cards. 

Slowly Bucky picked the cards up with his human hand and studied them intently. Was there some kind of pattern he was supposed to look for? Holding the cards felt familiar but he was uneasy. Another damning piece of evidence of how much HYDRA had taken. (Y/n) saw Bucky clench his jaw, gritting his teeth.

“Bad hand?” she asked, eyebrows raised. Bucky stared at the cards before tossing them on the ground. 

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with these,” he wouldn’t make eye contact with (Y/n). She watched him patiently before setting down her cards. Picking up the cards Bucky had dropped, (Y/n) moved so she was instead sitting next to Bucky.

“Then I’ll have to teach you,” (Y/n) ordered the cards leaning to her left so her shoulder pressed against Bucky’s. “See, the goal is to get different ‘sets’ of cards,” (Y/n) pointed at the different suits, waiting to continue until she saw Bucky was watching. “There are hearts, diamonds, clubs, and spades each numbering two through ten followed by Jack, Queen, King, Ace,” she instructed. It wasn’t long before (Y/n) was explaining different types of hands. “I don’t know a ton, just what my brother taught me when we were younger. It’s a fun way to pass time,” she added with a small smile. 

“You have a brother?” Bucky asked. Thinking of family wasn’t high on his list of priorities. (Y/n)’s mind raced at the topic change. She wasn’t sure how Bucky would react if he found out her brother was connected to Steve Rogers and was the man he had exchanged gunfire with before taking her. That line of discussion could prove very detrimental to her health. The thought had (Y/n) chewing on her lip.

“Yea, I do,” (Y/n) looked down at her lap and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Come on, I’ll deal another hand and we’ll walk through it together.” Several hands later, Bucky seemed to fall into a rhythm, picking up the dealt cards, ordering them, discarding and picking new ones. (Y/n) smiled when he beat her. “I think it’s time we started playing for real,” she laughed.

“Don’t you…bet? Gamble? Somehow?” Bucky asked and (Y/n)’s eyes widened. 

“Guess you know a little more than you thought you did,” she smirked. “We don’t have much to bet with—“ (Y/n) trailed off and looked around the tiny closet of a room. 

“Questions,” Bucky said suddenly and (Y/n) frowned in confusion. “Whoever wins gets to ask a question,” he explained. He wasn’t sure he had much to offer on his end of the bargain but (Y/n) didn’t seem to immediately reject the idea.

“Alright, what kind of questions are we talking here?” (Y/n) asked cautiously. Personal questions were potentially volatile under these circumstances and she wasn’t sure how far she could press her luck in one day. This wasn’t a school age slumber party game of truth or dare. Bucky seemed deep in thought considering (Y/n)’s question. 

“Never mind,” he finally grumbled and picked up the deck, shoving it at (Y/n) to deal. “No questions. Deal,” he ordered. (Y/n) frowned as she held the cards. Bucky’s conversation skills seemed to vacillate drastically and she felt guilty for cutting off what could’ve been progress. Progress that her life depended on. 

(Y/n) dealt each of them five cards again and began to analyze her hand. While she organized her cards, Bucky discarded two cards and waited patiently. After each had their final cards, (Y/n) smirked at Bucky.

“Three of a kind,” (Y/n) said laying down her cards for Bucky to see. “Whatcha got?” she asked, trying to bring back the easy atmosphere to the room. It was Bucky’s turn to smirk as he put his cards down for (Y/n) to see.

“Flush,” he looked proud of himself. (Y/n) chuckled and picked the cards up. 

“Alright, winner gets to ask a question,” she gently pushed, deliberately not looking at Bucky as she righted all the cards to be shuffled. Bucky’s eyebrows drew down as he watched (Y/n). Not only was he confused by the apparent change in her attitude towards questions but he couldn’t even begin to think of something to ask her. Conversation was far from being one of his strong points. (Y/n) risked a quick glance up at Bucky’s face while she waited, continuing to shuffle the cards. “There has to be something that you’re curious about,” she tried to reassure Bucky without talking down to him. He considered a moment longer.

“How did you know my name? Who I was,” he finally asked and (Y/n) froze. She pulled Bucky’s jacket closer around her. She wasn’t sure there was a safe way to answer this question. Finally she cleared her throat and looked up at Bucky who was watching her intently.

“After the accident, when you had me—I heard the other man call you ‘Bucky,’” (Y/n) shrugged her good shoulder self-consciously. “When we were at the first place and I got a look at your face, I recognized you. You look different with long hair but,” (Y/n) took a steadying breath before continuing, “Well everyone studies history right?” (Y/n) hoped he wouldn’t make her go on. When he continued to stare at her, (Y/n) shook her head. “The Howling Commandos, Bucky, they’re a standard part of History and WWII curriculum. I just put two and two together,” (Y/n) finished shuffling and dealt another hand. Bucky slowly picked up the cards, thinking over what (Y/n) had just said.

“You _study_ that, in school?” he finally asked quietly. 

“It’s part of a pretty standard American History unit. I think it was in eleventh grade?” (Y/n) said absently as she looked at her cards, quickly discarding one card and picking up a new one. Bucky wasn’t sure what to make of that and quickly busied himself with his cards. He frowned at the cards in his hand and (Y/n) pretended not to notice. Putting down three cards, he reached out for (Y/n) to give him his replacement cards and grimaced at his luck. (Y/n) bit back a smile, trying to regain her composure. _Of all people to have a terrible poker face,_ she thought to herself with an amused shake of her head. Bucky practically threw his cards down, revealing his hand consisted of one pair. (Y/n) gave him a small triumphant smile as she revealed a full house. As she began to collect the cards, Bucky put a hand over her’s and wordlessly took the cards and started to work through shuffling them. (Y/n) watched his metal hand glint and wondered if they would have a deck to continue playing with when he finished.

“Go on,” he said watching the cards as he shuffled them. “Ask,” he kept his voice even. (Y/n) didn’t even know where to begin to think of a safe question. What fell into that category? All she knew about the man was what she had learned about the Bucky from the 1940’s which was clearly not the Bucky sitting in front of her and the hushed conversations overheard from her brother.

“What happened the other day before you took me?” she finally asked staring at the ground between them. Bucky froze, thinking back to only the other day before dealing five cards for himself and (Y/n). 

“I was going to the Smithsonian,” he finally answered before picking up his cards. “I ran into—“ Bucky tried to find the right words, “ _He_ saw me, and I ran. He should’ve just let me go,” he clenched his jaw. 

“Steve Rogers?” (Y/n) said quietly, trying to encourage him to continue. His eyes flashed to hers then back to his cards. His cards were safe to look at.

“Yes,” he snapped. Bucky shifted the cards in his hand. “I guess you studied him too,” he grumbled as he put down his discarded cards and picked up two more. “There was another man, he had a gun. I needed to get away,” Bucky finally continued after (Y/n) set down three cards and put her hand patiently out for Bucky to give her three new cards. (Y/n) began to worry as Bucky described her brother. “Why were you there?” he asked, leaning back against the wall behind him.

“I—uh, I was with my brother,” she stuttered and focused on taking a slow deep breath, “Our car got hit after we saw the explosion.” (Y/n) set down her cards to show a straight while Bucky set down a full house. Instead of reaching for the cards, Bucky sat back and watched (Y/n) as she told her perspective of what happened. “I climbed out of the wreck and you saw me right after,” she finally looked up at Bucky. 

“Where was your brother?” Bucky asked quietly, curious now. (Y/n) frowned as she thought back to the sight of her brother next to Steve, shouting for Bucky to release her. “Was he hurt in the wreck?” His concern surprised her.

“He – he was the other man there,” she watched as Bucky processed her statement. “With Steve,” the image of Brett standing next to Steve with his gun out, staring at her while Bucky held a knife to her throat made her shiver. Bucky’s face was unreadable for a long, tense minute. 

“Will he come after me to find you?” his monotone voice was chilling.

“He’ll be a bigger problem for you than Steve ever was,” (Y/n) forced a laugh. “They’re friends though,” she tried to bring the topic away from potential threats. “Steve will talk some sense into him, keep him from doing anything stupid,” (Y/n) assured Bucky. She saw some of the tension fall out of his shoulders. (Y/n) absently rubbed the back of her neck and then pressed her fingers against her forehead. “I guess you’ll have to decide what your next move is,” she leaned sideways against the wall, still looking at Bucky. He shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. 

“Need to sleep,” Bucky said suddenly. “Only got a few hours before I,” he trailed off and gestured to (Y/n). She nodded and started to move towards the other side of the room before Bucky reached out to stop her. “I’m sorry,” he started but then looked towards the blanket. (Y/n) gave him a small smile when he urged her back to where the two had fallen asleep a few hours ago. Once again the two faced away from one another. As Bucky turned off the utility light, (Y/n) scooted back until her back was against Bucky’s. After getting over his initial confusion, Bucky leaned back into the warmth before pulling the blanket over both of them and closing his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are bits of this that I love and bits that I'm not entirely sure of. Feedback! Please! Something you love, something you hate? Let me know so I can write better chapters! Much love guys <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a question for you guys—what is the best way to go about getting reader requests for ideas for one shots? I’d really love to do a series of reader insert one shots with the Avengers and their respective movies but I need ideas!! This would be something extra (This story and _The cost of being a Good Samaritan_ are still my main projects and will still be updated regularly, I promise!) just for when I’m feeling like I can’t get my ideas straight etc. Plus they’re super fun, let’s face it, who doesn’t like one shots? Give me your imagines! Anything and everything! Much love you guys, you’re the best ;)

“You have to find an assignment for him,” Steve said as he shut the door to the rundown apartment. He had spent the past 72 hours leading a search and rescue mission for (Y/n) and Brett had insisted on being a part of that team. 

“He’s erratic and distracted. The field is the last place he should be,” Fury calmly said as he leaned back in his chair.

“You don’t understand, Brett is losing it. It’s only been three days and he’s been gone searching for her most of them. When I talk to him he rants and says he’ll kill Bucky if anything happens to (Y/n).” Steve didn’t doubt that he’d try to. He only made the mistake once of pointing out to Brett that he had nearly been killed by Bucky. That was the start of a very bad day for the team of volunteers trying to reign the distraught brother in.

“Steve, you’ve been looking for Barnes for months. Do you really think Agent (Y/L/N) has a better chance of finding him than you do?” Fury’s hands were steepled in front of his chin as he watched Steve closely. 

“You don’t understand. Brett is out for blood, and if he does find Bucky—“Steve took a deep breath and rubbed his forehead. “He won’t stand a chance, Sir. Who knows what Bucky will do if he’s cornered and attacked. Brett isn’t just risking his own life, he’s risking (Y/n)’s as well.” It wasn’t an easy situation, Fury recognized that. 

“Steve, technically I’m not even alive. It is your responsibility to ensure the safety of whatever team you’re leading and to maintain _control_ over those in your command,” Fury’s reproach was firm but as Steve prepared to argue his phone vibrated. 

He pulled out his cell phone and tapped the screen. A text from Sam Wilson read _Brett has gone off the radar again. Do we split our resources to search for him and (Y/n) or concentrate our efforts on Bucky and (Y/n)? Will wait for your command_. Steve sighed and read the text aloud to Fury. 

“Tell me you have some place you can send him,” he read through the text once more to himself, “preferably overseas.” 

Fury thought about the situation and the silence seemed to drag on and on as Steve awaited an answer.

“There are rumors of an old HYDRA base in Russia,” pressing his lips together, Fury debated the wisdom of letting a loose cannon like Brett go off on such a delicate operation. “I had planned to get Romanoff’s input. Actually I was hoping she’d go,” he looked at Steve meaningfully. “What makes you think he’d accept any other mission than finding his sister?”

Steve’s gut twisted as he thought about what he was about to suggest. It was the only way they would be able to call him off of (Y/n)’s immediate search. Ultimately, without Brett to worry about, the team had a far greater chance of finding (Y/n) and hopefully Bucky faster and with a greater degree of safety. The thought of lying to his friend still didn’t sit well with him.

“Tell him that the base may contain a way to locate Bucky,” Steve looked at his shoes as he gave his suggestion. “Can be anything, some kind of tracker, intel on his last known hideout, former handler, anything. He’ll go,” he assured. Fury considered the idea carefully before giving a single nod.

“Natasha will be able to keep him in line. If not she’ll drop him at some remote location until she finishes the mission,” Fury said tapping his fingers together. The idea of Natasha stranding Brett if he got in her way left Steve with a morbid smile. 

“Thank you,” Steve said and backed towards the door. “I’ll send him here when I find him,” he said and saw Fury nod again before he shut the door. Now to find his stubborn friend…two stubborn friends.

 _Got it. Meeting over, we’re are a go_ Steve typed into his phone and hit send hoping that Sam would get it and find Brett before he got in over his head.

\--

Bucky awoke feeling warm for the first time he could remember. Neither he nor (Y/n) had moved once they had fallen asleep and her back against his had made sleeping on the cold concrete floor that much more bearable. Sitting up, he looked on the floor beside him to where (Y/n) was just beginning to stir. The feeling that came unbidden when Bucky watched her resting was altogether alien. His brow furrowed into a frown before he shook the feeling off and began to put some supplies into the newly acquired backpack. (Y/n)’s eyes finally opened when she heard Bucky moving about the small room and the backpack’s zipper open.

“Got a hot date?” (Y/n) said sleepily as she sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Bucky looked at her puzzled by the statement. “It was a joke,” she clarified, watching him with an amused expression. 

“I don’t understand,” he said shoving a bottle of water into the backpack before he was satisfied with his supplies for the day. Closing it he stood and set the bag near the door. 

“What I meant to ask was where you were going? Not that you have to tell me,” (Y/n) said watching Bucky as he moved to and fro.

“Back to that… museum, place,” he said reaching for the dark ball cap on the ground, brushing off the fine dust that clung to it on his pants before putting it on. Bucky looked at (Y/n) once again. She was still wearing his jacket from the previous night. He was loth to ask for it back, it was a cold, wet spring, and he knew more than anyone how the cold seeped into the warehouse. Bucky looked at his hand, turning it over before clearing his throat. “I—I need the jacket,” he stammered. 

Part of Bucky’s brain was berating him for taking the jacket away from a lady, especially since he had offered it to her. (Y/n) immediately took the dark jacket off and stood, holding it up for Bucky to take. As he slid his human arm into the sleeve, his eyes slid closed at the warmth that lingered in the material and he couldn’t help but notice the jacket smelled faintly of (Y/n) now. 

“You’re trying to remember?” (Y/n) asked cautiously. When Bucky simply nodded in response, she chewed her lip thoughtfully before she spoke again. “Talking through what you see there with someone might help,” she suggested. 

“Are you offering to come with me?” Bucky tried to process (Y/n)’s vague statement. 

(Y/n) smiled sadly. How could she get him to reach out to Steve for help without sending him into an angry, defensive episode? She gestured to her face and then her arms and shirt.

“I think I might stick out a little, Bucky,” (Y/n) gave him a small shrug. “They’d either think I was homeless or that you’re an abusive boyfriend or something,” she tried to laugh but couldn’t bring herself to. She couldn’t imagine what she must look like to someone who didn’t know the whole story of what had happened, but she was sure that she would attract attention. Bucky gave a curt nod before putting the backpack on and sliding past the makeshift door.

“I’ll find you a jacket.” The words came unbidden and for a moment he tried to make sense of his impulsive promise. (Y/n) nodded as she pulled the blanket up around her shoulders. 

“We could always just go to my home. You could get what you needed there, too,” (Y/n) wasn’t too hopeful that Bucky would take kindly to her suggestion, but she didn’t have much to lose at this point. Bucky only shook his head. He began to leave but stopped, turning back to (Y/n).

“You’ll stay?” he asked. Bucky looked genuinely concerned about whether or not (Y/n) would be there or not when he returned. 

“Yes,” (Y/n) nodded. “Don’t leave me here for too long, I’ll die of boredom,” she jibbed. 

Bucky didn’t catch on to her ribbing and only nodded once before sliding the makeshift door back into place before heading towards the Smithsonian. With (Y/n) out of sight, he pulled the jacket up close to his nose, letting his eyes drift closed and inhaling deeply. _What is she doing to me?_

\--

In the end it was Natasha who managed to find Brett. It had been several hours after Steve’s meeting with Fury and he, Sam, and Natasha had collaborated on how to present the idea of leaving on a mission to Brett so he’d agree. 

“(Y/L/N),” Natasha said quietly when she found Brett on a rooftop with high powered binoculars, “You realize you look like an absolute creep right?” she said when he turned abruptly to face her, hand on his gun. 

“I could’ve shot you, Romanoff,” Brett huffed and took up his position of scanning the area below again.

“I highly doubt that,” she said with a smirk. She pulled out her phone and sent a quick message to Steve and Sam that she had found him. “There’s a mission for you,” she added absently.

“There’s no SHIELD anymore and I have my own mission at the moment,” if she hadn’t known him better, Natasha would’ve called Brett a surly teenager with the tone he used. 

“This might help with that,” Natasha was purposefully vague, trying to draw Brett out of his own little world. “There are some rumors of an old HYDRA base,” she added. 

Brett only grunted in reply so Natasha waited. After another three scans of the area revealed nothing, Brett pushed himself away from the ledge he was leaning against to move to the next area. Natasha put a restraining hand on his arm and he glared down at it before looking at the woman who insisted on getting in his way. 

“I’m not a spy, Romanoff and now is not a good time. What do you want from me?” his eyes bored into Natasha’s. 

“The rumors are that the base has a way to track down Barnes,” she leveled her own withering stare back at him. Brett frowned and shook his head.

“Shouldn’t Steve be to ask then?” Brett’s patience was wearing thin. 

“We still think Barnes is in this area. Steve needs to be readily available to help if he’s found, he can’t do that from Russia,” Natasha explained.

“Russia? Hell no, I’m not leaving (Y/n) here,” he ripped his arm out of Natasha’s grasp and marched towards the rooftop stairs. 

“Brett,” Natasha called out, trotting to catch up to him, “The best way you can help (Y/n) is to come with me. I need someone with me who is motivated. Let Steve and the others find (Y/n),” she changed her tactics to try and sweeten up the idea of leaving the hunt for (Y/n). 

“Yea, because he’s been so successful finding Barnes so far,” Brett kept walking, looking straight ahead. 

“Steve will find him, and he’ll find (Y/n), and he’ll get them home safely,” Natasha tried to calm Brett. “He’s beside himself that (Y/n)’s in danger. There’s no one better to lead this team _here_ , you’re needed with me right now.” 

Brett wheeled around to face Natasha. He was ready to lash out at the redhead but forced himself to close his eyes and take a deep breath. Instead of berating Natasha, he thought a moment about her offer. 

“How solid is this lead?” he finally asked.

“From the big man himself,” Natasha raised her eyebrows and Brett understood her meaning. 

“And this will help find (Y/n)?” Brett leaned forward, his eyes narrowing. Natasha tilted her head to the side raising one eyebrow.

“You know I can’t guarantee that. But,” she sighed, “we need all the help we can get. If there’s even a remote possibility we can find something that will help us track down Barnes we have to take it.”

Brett folded his arms and looked at the ground in front of him weighing the options carefully. His mind was frantic with worry for (Y/n). The sight of her with a knife to her throat haunted his dreams. He had promised their parents he would look after her, keep her safe. She was his baby sister. He’d wanted to hurt guys for simply breaking her heart let alone threaten her life.

“If anything happens to her while I’m gone, Barnes is a dead man,” Brett said calmly. 

Natasha gave one slow nod of her head in understanding. She knew bringing up the likelihood of Brett surviving such an encounter would not help her cause, nor would the fact that Steve would never allow that to happen. There was a small part of her that wanted to remind Brett that he had served under Steve many times and had trusted him with his life and should trust Steve with (Y/n)’s. That conversation would only serve to delay and possible change Brett’s mind. Instead she stepped up beside him and opened the door to the stairwell.

“Come on, (Y/L/N). We have a quinjet to catch,” she said leading the agent towards the hangar. 

\--

Bucky was leaving the Smithsonian when a forgotten sweater caught his eye. A quick glance up and down the hallway showed only a few stragglers at this late hour and before anyone noticed, the sweater was in his hand and then safely inside the black backpack. He hadn’t stopped to consider if it would fit (Y/n) but he couldn’t help but feel a bit of pride for being able to provide her with something she needed. 

_Hostages don’t require shelter, food, or protection aside from what is necessary to keep them secure_ the thought came unbidden and made his steps falter. _She is nothing, you are nothing, remove all obstacles to the mission_. Bucky grabbed his head, wincing against the agony. The white hot pain behind his eyes was nearly debilitating but he continued to walk. 

“Won’t hurt her,” Bucky mumbled to himself, hardly able to see where he’s going. 

He continues to walk, arguing against the voice in his head, his hands gripping the sides of his head against the pain. People are quick to move out of what appears for all intents and purposes to be a mentally ill and unstable homeless man. Bucky hardly notices them. It isn’t until he feels his right shoulder jarred as he hits something solid that Bucky’s brought back to the world around him. He’s twisted to the right towards a large young man whose shoulder had collided with his own. The young man stares at Bucky who returns with a cold blank stare of his own. 

“Need to watch where you’re going,” the man says stepping forward into Bucky’s space. Bucky doesn’t move but hears another set of footsteps behind him to his left. “You should apologize,” the man takes another step towards Bucky. The deadly calm that fills Bucky doesn’t register with either man. “This isn’t a place you want to be alone, buddy.” 

The man becomes increasingly frustrated that he’s unable to get any kind of a response from Bucky who simply regards him with an apathetic stare. Without warning, the young man cocks his arm back and lets loose a punch at Bucky’s face. Bucky’s left hand came up and caught the man’s fist, squeezing mercilessly until the man cried out in pain. The second man immediately leapt into action, aiming a kick at Bucky’s knee. Pain registered vaguely to Bucky as he turned, throwing the one man away from him by his fist and kicking the other in the stomach. The first man was on him again, jumping on Bucky’s back and using all of his significant weight to shove Bucky head first into concrete side of the building.

“You’re going to wish you’d never crossed me,” the man said grabbing Bucky’s head and slamming it once more into the wall. Bucky reached behind him and grabbed the man by his shirt, flipping him forward over his shoulder and onto the ground in front of him. Quickly he put his foot over the man’s throat and held a knife up to the throat of the man’s accomplice who was racing in for another blow. 

“I don’t think so,” Bucky calmly watched both. He pressed his foot down harder and leaned into where his knife pressed against the second man’s throat to make his point. “Go,” he finally said after the two struggled to find a way to get free from what they had thought originally was an easy target. “Run. _Now_ ,” he growled and the two scampered to their feet and backed away. 

When the two attackers were out of sight, Bucky reached up and touched the side of his head. It stung and he felt warm, sticky blood on his fingers which he wiped absently on his dark pants. He looked at the alley and street he had found himself on. _Must’ve been wandering,_ Bucky thought as he righted his path and began to make his way back towards his makeshift base. 

\--

(Y/n) looked up when she heard the plywood sheet being pulled away from the door to the little room. Bucky had been gone for what she assumed was most of the morning and afternoon. She hadn’t been idle, this time feeling slightly better than before. (Y/n) had attempted to clean the area if only slightly. It helped her to pass the time while she was holed up alone. 

_Admit it, you’re a prisoner. As much as you try to think otherwise, even though you think you’re helping him, you’re still Bucky’s prisoner_ she thought to herself as she cleaned. (Y/n) hadn’t been able to prevent the tears that came with those dark thoughts. _Worse yet, you’re a willing prisoner,_ she chided herself until she forced herself to pick up the deck of cards playing games of solitaire to keep her thoughts from straying. 

When Bucky turned around, (Y/n) leaned forward, concern etched across her face. 

“Bucky, what happened?” she asked wincing as she pushed herself to her feet. 

“Couple of thugs,” Bucky shrugged and let the backpack fall to the ground. “I’ve had much worse,” he stared at the ground as he walked over and picked up one of the few remaining bottles of water and gulped it down. 

(Y/n) walked over after him, and he noticed she still had a limp. _She must’ve gotten hurt worse in that wreck than I thought,_ Bucky mused absently. He was brought out of his observations when he felt (Y/n) put her hand on his shoulder and gently push, signaling him to sit down. She lowered herself down next to him. Holding one of the few rags left from when Bucky tore pieces of the old blanket to clean her up, (Y/n) poured some of what was left in her water bottle onto it and pressed it lightly to the side of Bucky’s head. 

Bucky stared at her, dumbfounded by her actions. (Y/n) gave him a shy smile, very unsure of the entire situation. Ever so carefully, (Y/n) wiped at the dried blood and then held the damp cloth in place until the wound on the side of his head stopped bleeding. Wetting the cloth once more, she moved her hand to the more superficial wound on his cheek where the skin was split. 

“Should I ask what happened to them?” (Y/n) tried to keep her tone light but Bucky caught the flash of fear in her eyes. 

Even though she tenderly cared for gash on his face, she was afraid. _And she has every right to be,_ Bucky thought as he watched her face. What did that bother him? He reached up and grasped her wrist with his right hand, carefully pulling it away from him and back into her lap. The cut had already stopped bleeding.

“Thank you,” Bucky managed to say before he reached for the backpack. Opening it, he held the sweater out to (Y/n), his face unreadable. Hesitantly, she took the gray sweater from Bucky’s hand and slipped her arms in. It was warm and much softer than the coarse, dark, jacket Bucky had. The smile (Y/n) gave Bucky was a nervous one, but she was grateful for something to keep her warm.

“Thanks,” she said quietly. Bucky watched her carefully for another minute before standing up, taking the backpack and zipping it up before slinging it over his shoulder. He had wandered for too long before his run in with the two street thugs to seek out more food and water. Afterwards he had wanted only to get to a secure place. Having another individual to care for had Bucky running through supplies faster than he had in the past months of being alone. 

“Stay here,” Bucky said as he walked towards the door. “Grocery run,” the corner of his mouth twitched in a half smile. (Y/n) gave him a nod as she sat on the blankets, the sweater pulled tightly around her. 

_You are in way over your head,_ Bucky thought as he walked out of the warehouse and towards the more populated areas in search of food, water and supplies.

\--

“You see which building he came out of?” one man said leaning towards the other, pointing towards the warehouse. 

“Yeah, hang on,” the second man pulled out his cell phone and took a picture of the warehouse and began to type out text messages furiously. From their spot, they could see Bucky walking away from them. Bucky paused briefly, making a half turn to look behind him. The street was empty. He narrowed his eyes and scanned the area once more before he started walking again.

“There he goes,” the first man said, gripping his mangled hand. “Get the others here. We’ll give him a nice surprise to come back to,” he growled, gripping a gun in his left hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Have any suggestions? Something you really really want to see happen? Let me know!
> 
> So here's some not so fun news -- starting in a week and a half, I will only be able to update this story every other weekend through the middle of August. I travel in the summer for work so that makes it really hard for me to have time to sit down and write. I'll be alternating updating this with my other work in progress, "The Cost of being a Good Samaritan." I promise this won't be abandoned or unfinished.
> 
> Feedback is super helpful and greatly appreciated. If you have a second leave a comment to help me keep improving. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this story, I'm having a blast with it! Much love <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning – this is a _**dark**_ chapter, if any of the archive warnings that I have tagged are a potential trigger for you (violence, torture, potential rape), please don’t read this chapter. I’ll put a short summary in the end notes so you don’t miss out on any plot – also I’ll put in **bold** where it should be safe to start reading again. Things will get better by the end, stick with it if you can! I absolutely do *not* want to send anyone into any personal crises by reading this though. I don’t want anyone to miss out on the end of this chapter :)

(Y/n) had been sitting, shuffling the pilfered deck of cards out of boredom for nearly a half hour before she heard shuffling out in the warehouse. She looked towards the sheet of plywood that currently served as the door to the cramped room waiting for Bucky to slip through. <i>That was… fast?</i> she thought as her face scrunched in confusion. She couldn’t imagine Bucky would have found anything supplies so fast.

Carefully, she set down the deck of cards and stood, moving over towards the plywood and put her ear against where the door met the entryway. Silence. With a shake of her head, (Y/n) turned to sit down once again, looking for ways to pass the time while her stomach continually growled. Again, there was a shuffling noise outside. The noise echoed off the walls of the cavernous warehouse. <i>It’s probably nothing, just a raccoon… a giant raccoon,<i> she chuckled and rolled her eyes when she heard a thud. After a long minute of hesitation, (Y/n) made her way back to the plywood after shutting off the light.

<i>You…(Y/n) are a colossal idiot…</i> she thought as she slowly pushed the plywood aside and peered out into the dimly lit warehouse. <i>I swear I’m going to die by rabid raccoon,</i> (Y/n) shook her head as she slowly walked out into the warehouse, staying pressed up against the wall. Still there was nothing. Letting out a sigh of relief and a nervous laugh she took a step backwards when a hand came around her neck and covered her mouth, stifling the cry that tore from her throat.

“Shh, shh, shhhh,” a voice came from behind her as she felt the cold barrel of a gun pressed to the side of her head.

“Who’s this?” another deep voice came from beside (Y/n) and she strained to look to see the face. The grip on her face tightened and wrenched her to looking forward once again.

“Guess the guy’s got a bitch. Should be some fun,” a third voice chuckled. (Y/n)’s heart hammered in her chest as she began to claw at the arm holding her. A swift kick to her stomach knocked her breath out of her and she desperately gasped for air that wouldn’t come. Desperately she tried to bring what Brett had taught her about defense back from distant memory. Lessons he had insisted upon when she left to live on her own had been helpful but unused they had faded.

(Y/n) suddenly let her whole body go limp and the man holding her neck staggered under the sudden dead weight, the gun moving away from her head as he grasped at her with both hands. Quickly she gripped her right fist and jammed her elbow back into the man’s gut earning her a string of curses. As soon as (Y/n) had her feet back under her she ran out into the dark warehouse. She only gained about 20 feet before a solid mass collided with her back, slamming her down into the concrete floor. Pain flared through her body as the little healing her injuries had started was completely undone.

“Stupid bitch,” a growl came from behind her as a hand gripped her hair painfully, lifting her head before slamming it back down into the concrete. (Y/n)’s vision swam as her limbs sluggishly tried to pull her forward away from the man pinning her.

“Tie her up,” the leader said standing back, his mangled hand crudely wrapped from his earlier encounter with the Winter Soldier. “It’ll be a nice surprise for when our friend comes back,” he sneered. (Y/n) desperately clawed at the ground until she was flipped over. Her nails connected with her attacker’s face, gouging at his eyes; she felt sticky blood on her hands. He backed away from her before another man took his place. A fist collided with her face at the same time a heavily booted foot kicked her side. Screams tore from her lips until mercifully, unconsciousness took her.

\--

Bucky strode purposefully back to the warehouse, rather pleased with himself for finding another hot meal to share with (Y/n). He couldn’t place this odd protective feeling. He remained wary of it, but let it be for the time being; there were other more urgent matters he needed to straighten out first, one of which was what to do with (Y/n). Bucky pushed that thought away for now. He didn’t relish the idea of losing her company. <i>Not yet, I’ll let her go, but … just not yet</i> he had managed to convince himself.

As Bucky entered the warehouse, he froze. The dimly lit warehouse never felt completely safe to him. Where was the light that peeked out of the closet from the utility light? (Y/n) had never turned it off in his absence. He heard the faintest footfall and froze before lowering himself to the ground, silently setting down his backpack and the bag of food he carried and pulling his knife from his pocket. Slowly, carefully he crept forward, eyes darting to every shadow.

It happened all at once. Six giant men jumped on top of him at once, pulling at his arms and legs, trying to wrestle him to the ground. Immediately Bucky’s knife glinted and came up red, one man screaming as the knife cut deeply into the flesh of his inner arm. Two men held each of Bucky’s arms and the fifth came at him from the front with a knife of his own. Bucky’s foot collided with the man’s chest sending him sprawling backwards with a sickening crunch. The man didn’t get up.

Two others joined in, realizing the severity of the situation they now found themselves in and another two materialized from the shadows, waiting for an opening to help their friends. It took all six of the remaining men to force Bucky to his knees and not without consequence. Another man was down, bleeding out from a stab wound to the chest and another had his throat slit. Two others sported broken bones, one of which threatened to protrude from the skin; he lay on the ground screaming in agony. However, each time one man fell, it seemed another three appeared until they finally felt they had the situation in hand. It was only then that the apparent leader finally strode forward so Bucky could see him.

“You made a very big mistake today,” he held a gun in his left hand, his right crumpled from where Bucky had crushed it with his metal hand. “And we got a bonus today,” he pointed behind him. Bucky saw (Y/n) propped up against the wall, her head lolled forward with blood streaming down her face. “You learn today not to cross me, boy,” he sneered as he strode forward towards Bucky.

Bucky didn’t flinch, he only let his eyes move from (Y/n) to the man standing in front of him. He worked to keep his breathing calm, ignoring the pain he felt from the brutal blows that the group had managed to land. His lip was split, as was his cheek, and pain erupted if he took a deep breath.

“You,” the man pointed his gun as if it were his finger, “you seem like the type that can take a beating though,” he mused. The leader turned around to look once more at (Y/n) when she made a low groan as she began to come around. “Would you rather we take it out on your little bitch here?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. “Surely you wouldn’t mind sharing her, she looks like she’s already been through the ringer a time or two,” the smirk that the man gave Bucky before striding towards (Y/n) made Bucky grit his teeth, pulling at the men who restrained his arms and stood on his legs to keep him still.

The man gave a single nod towards the corner and the other man from the alley made his way forward. He crouched next to (Y/n) and stroked her cheek almost tenderly. Groggy as she was, (Y/n) leaned away from the touch and the man laughed.

“Time to wake up sweetheart,” he whispered in her ear like a lover. When she finally was able to raise her head, she glared at the greasy man in front of her and without warning spit into his face. His face was a picture of fury as the mixture of blood and saliva dripped down his cheek. Without warning he back handed (Y/n) who let out a strangled cry. He grabbed her shoulder and threw her to the ground before looking over at Bucky. “Is this what you do to her?” his lecherous grin turned to a smirk as he looked back at Bucky.

He let his hands roam over (Y/n), who blearily pushed them away, trying to get to her feet. This only resulted in a harsh laugh from the men watching. With a nod from the group’s leader, the man held (Y/n) in place. The leader took a step back before swinging his leg, his foot connecting with (Y/n)’s side. Bucky’s face remained blank though his fists tightened almost imperceptibly. After another kick, the leader stepped back and looked over to where Bucky was being held.

“You obviously never broke this one,” he laughed as (Y/n) weakly tried to crawl away. The second in command joined in the laughter as he grabbed her ankle, pulling her back and flipping her over. He looked to the one in charge and when he received another nod of approval he glanced over his shoulder to Bucky with a wicked grin plastered on his face.

He straddled (Y/n), sitting on her pelvis to keep her still while his legs pinned hers. (Y/n) could feel her terror shift and begin to overwhelm her. Her breaths came in gasps, each one sending pain through her body. The greasy man pushed his hands under her shirt, running them over her skin. When (Y/n)’s shirt wouldn’t cooperate as easily as he wished, the man tore it, exposing her stomach and chest. (Y/n)’s hands went immediately to cover herself but he grabbed her hands and held them down as he leaned forward to put his mouth against her cleavage.

“Please no,” (Y/n) begged which spurred the man on.

The group holding Bucky began to pay more attention to the scene unfolding in front of them, cheering and egging their superior onward. Bucky’s jaw clenched. <i>Who is she to me? Survive, get out, be done with this troublesome woman,</i> a voice in the back of his mind yelled but he couldn’t take his eyes off of (Y/n)’s.

(Y/n) cried out in pain and terror as the man’s teeth sunk into her chest. She writhed on the ground trying to escape his clutches to no avail. The man had had enough and shifted so his knees were between hers and ran his hands along her thighs.

“Don’t worry, it’ll be nice,” he cooed before smirking down at her. (Y/n) could only shake her head no. When the Second-in-Command’s hands reached the waistband of her jeans, working at the button, (Y/n) wrenched herself briefly from his grasp. The man grabbed her quickly, hitting her head against the concrete once again before yanking her pants down. Bucky’s silent fury snapped.

The men unfortunate enough to be restraining his left arm went flying forward, head first into the concrete wall nearly 15 feet in front of them. Only one attempted to stand up only to fall back to the ground severely concussed. Bucky reached around grabbing the man nearest to his right shoulder by the throat with his left hand, clamping down until the man’s eyes bulged as his airway was crushed. The other two men began to run but one fell to the ground, Bucky’s knife embedded into his back and the other Bucky swiftly overcame, launching himself at the fleeing man only to snap his neck.

As the Second-in-Command pushed himself away from (Y/n), he pulled out his own gun and opened fire on Bucky as he stalked towards the leader. With a swift punch, the leader was layed out on the ground fully unconscious from the impact of metal on skull. Turning, Bucky glared at the man who had so heinously threatened (Y/n). In an instant, Bucky launched himself at the man who fired rapidly, eyes wide with fear. Bucky kicked the gun from his hand and had him on the ground, landing punch after punch to his face with his metal hand. The man was long past the point of resisting when Bucky heard (Y/n) croak out his name. It took everything in him to pull himself away from this disgusting man, but the sight of her brought him back to reality.

\--A/N: <b>It should be safe to start reading here, but be advised, Reader is in very bad shape, though she has <u>not</u> been raped</b>

Bucky knelt next to (Y/n), his hands hovering over her not knowing what to do, how to touch her. He shook with rage, desperately wanting to return to the fight, to check each body and ensure it would never rise again. (Y/n)’s voice calling his name once more distracted his driven mind.

“Bucky,” (Y/n) sobbed once as he finally took her head in his hands. She held his hands tightly to her, staring at him as a lifeline. “Please,” she whispered glancing down at herself. (Y/n) tried to cover herself but her hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Bucky slowly took her hands and stilled them before helping her right herself. (Y/n) yelped as her jeans scraped over deep bruises and cuts but her eyes implored Bucky to continue. When she was finally covered as best as possible, Bucky once again placed his hands on either side of (Y/n)’s face, his eyes filled with concern and <i>fear</i>.

“I need,” she whispered and he gently lifted her so she was seated against the wall. “Bucky, one of them must have a cell phone…” (Y/n) did her best to keep her eyes open, locked on Bucky’s. He slowly nodded. Cell phones, he had seen those, his handlers had used those. Quickly he searched each man’s pockets for one. The first two he found had been smashed beyond all use but the third lit up when he touched the cracked screen. He rushed back, giving one man who started to groan a swift kick silencing him once more.

Handing the phone to (Y/n), she worked to still her shaking hands. After several tries she gave up and handed the phone to Bucky, her eyes imploring him for help. She recited the numbers for him as he tapped at the screen under her instruction. The call immediately went to voicemail. The only time he ever had it off was when he was on a mission.

“Shit,” (Y/n) let her head fall back against the wall. “Bucky, I have to call Steve,” she watched him carefully for how he would react to the statement.

Brett had forced her to memorize Steve’s number when she moved in with him in case there was some emergency. She had never been more grateful to her brother than at this moment. Bucky was clearly apprehensive but one more look at (Y/n)’s battered body steeled his conviction. With a nod, he lifted the phone once more, waiting for (Y/n) to give him the number. The phone rang twice before she heard a voice answer.

“Rogers,” was all he said and (Y/n) nearly burst into tears.

“Steve?” she whimpered into the phone.

“Who is this?” Steve’s voice was wary but filled with concern at the obvious distress of the person on the other end of the line.

“It’s (Y/n), (Y/n, L/n), Brett’s sister,” (Y/n) forced back the tears that threatened.

“My God, where are you!?” Steve carefully held all the questions that raced through his mind in check. “Are you safe?”

“I—I don’t know where I am,” she looked up at Bucky who stared at the phone, his face unreadable as he listened to Steve’s voice on speaker phone. “I’m with Bucky… we were attacked,” (Y/n)’s lip quivered as she finally began to cry and gasp for breath.

“Stay on the line, I’ll find you,” Steve tried to keep his voice calm and reassuring. He desperately wanted to ask about Bucky. </i>She’d said <b>we</b> were attacked, was he okay?</i> Steve immediately stopped that line of thought. “(Y/n)?” he asked when he didn’t get a response.

“(Y/n),” Bucky said leaning over her, he gently shook her shoulder but her eyes were beginning to flutter shut. “Shit,” he set the phone beside him and held her up, wrapping his coat around her when she began to shiver. <i>Shock</i> he thought as remnants of basic field first aid slowly made their way into his mind.

“(Y/n)!” Steve yelled again. Bucky stared at the metal rectangle where he heard Steve’s voice.

“She’s out,” Bucky said curtly.

The other end of the line was silent. Steve stopped racing around his apartment in shock at hearing Bucky.

“I’m coming, can… can you get her outside?” he stemmed the endless flow of questions he had for his friend at great effort. “I’m having the call traced, it’ll just be me, I promise,” Steve refrained from saying his friend’s name.

“Yes,” Bucky said putting the phone on (Y/n)’s stomach as he lifted her up, carrying her first to his makeshift room to retrieve his other weapons and body armor before making his way out the door. He set (Y/n) on the ground while he cleared the outside area to make sure there were no remnants of the crew who had assaulted the warehouse.

“Stay on the line, tell me if anything changes,” Steve ordered and Bucky could hear the start and then acceleration of a car.

Bucky stood holding (Y/n), her body limp and her head resting against his chest. He looked down at her, his mouth twisted in a frown and his eyes filled with concern. He had seen so much pain, so much destruction, and so much loss of life, yet seeing (Y/n) defenseless and broken shook Bucky to his core. <i>Not your problem, you are the Asset,</i> a strangled thought forced its way forward and Bucky shook his head trying to clear his head. <i>You’re not a nurse, not a medic, you’re a weapon, leave her, this is not your problem,</i> the voice grasped for a hold in his mind.

“It is my problem,” Bucky said through gritted teeth, “I got her into this,” he said as he squashed the thoughts that threatened him. Steve listened from the other end, his forehead wrinkled in confusion though he didn’t dare interrupt whatever Bucky was saying.

Bucky’s head shot up at the sound of a car driving over gravel. Headlights flashed illuminating Bucky holding (Y/n)’s limp body. Steve jumped out of the car and jogged over to where Bucky was holding (Y/n).

“My God what happened,” Steve breathed as he took in (Y/n)’s state. Bucky was silent but stepped forward, holding her out for Steve to take. “No, just put her in the car, we’ll –“ he tried to urge Bucky over gently knowing time was of the essence but also being unwilling to leave Bucky—not when he was this close.

“Take her,” Bucky’s voice was monotone as he held Steve in a blank stare.

“What about you? Are you--?” Steve asked. The bullet hole in Bucky’s right arm was hard to miss, a bright red trail stemming from it down his arm. Bucky shook his head and once again held (Y/n) out for Steve to take.

“She needs help,” Bucky’s voice was growing more urgent.

“I need your help,” Steve said opening the back door to the car.

“Get (Y/n) out of here, Steve!” Bucky yelled stepping forward and thrusting (Y/n) into Steve’s arms. Before Steve could say another word Bucky had picked up his pack and was gone, leaving him alone with (Y/n).

“God damnit, Bucky!” he said under his breath, distraught at leaving his friend. After only a moment’s hesitation, Steve placed (Y/n) on the back seat of the car, still wrapped up in Bucky’s jacket before he ran to the driver’s side and sped off towards the hospital. “Hold on, (Y/n), I’ve got you,” Steve said more to himself than to the unconscious woman in the backseat. With the press of a button he called one of the few former SHIELD contacts left that he could trust. “There’s a warehouse where a woman was attacked, it might have involved an old friend,” he alluded, glancing back to check on (Y/n). “There are injured inside, possibly some fatalities, I’m en route with the woman. This needs to be handled discretely and carefully,” Steve urged as he pulled into the hospital. “I’ll help as soon as I can,” he said before ending the call.

He lifted (Y/n) and ran into the Emergency Department. Her head lolled to one side and he said her name once, giving her a gentle shake.

“Help! I need some help here!” Steve yelled and within seconds there was a flurry of doctors and nurses surrounding him, leading Steve to place (Y/n) on a gurney before she was whisked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So boiled down -- 
> 
> Thugs from previous chapter come back to get some revenge on Bucky. They find the reader, beat her up pretty good, Bucky comes back and it takes a ton of the crew to subdue him. When they threaten rape on the reader, Bucky goes berserk takes each down but reader is still very injured. They manage to find a cell phone that isn't broken on one of the attackers, call to Brett fails (he is in Russia at this point after all) so call Steve as Brett made her memorize that phone number. Steve comes to the rescue but can't convince Bucky to come with, Steve leaves with reader to take her to the hospital for treatment.
> 
> What did you guys think? I'm not well versed in writing violence or fight scenes so I'm not sure if this was too over the top, completely outlandish and unrealistic (some willful suspension of disbelief is expected, it is fiction after all but was it too much?) What do you think of how I portray Bucky here? What about the reader? I'm trying to make her have some backbone, I don't want her to be a *complete* damsel in distress though admittedly she's not a trained fighter in any way. Any feedback is so so so appreciated!
> 
> Thank you guys so much for sticking with me and reading along! Your encouragement means more than I can even begin to say! Much love <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I did go ahead and do some rewriting in the previous chapter. I honestly didn’t think what the reader went through was enough to really make Bucky flip out. The outcome is still the same, it is just a bit more graphic (not a ton, I have a hard time writing it well). Hopefully I’ll have *this* chapter finished within the next few days. We’ll see! I miss all of you lovely people and wish I had more time to respond to comments. I’m trying as much as I can!

Steve leaned forward in the chair, elbows bent over knees. _He couldn’t have done this,_ he thought to himself. (Y/n) lay in the hospital bed, unnaturally still with her hands resting on the coverlet. As his eyes roamed over the blotchy bruises and cuts, Steve’s stomach churned. Injury he was familiar with, war he had steeled himself against, but this kind of violence was a different beast altogether. 

_Bucky did not, could not, do this,_ he took a deep breath again. Bucky had called, no, (Y/n) had been the first to speak. Steve’s mind played back through the previous evening once more. Bucky had at the very least let (Y/n) call him and at best, assisted her. The haunted look on Bucky’s face kept Steve convinced of his concern for the woman. 

He had been so close, _so close._ Steve gritted his teeth and looked at the floor between his knees. Bucky was right there in front of him. All these weeks, and yet twice in the span of only a few days Bucky had slipped away. 

Steve hadn’t returned to the warehouse, concerned that someone needed to be with (Y/n) if she woke up or doctors had questions. The reports, however, he had seen in their entirety. Some bodies had taken severe beatings but all were dead by the time former SHIELD agents had arrived to contain the scene. It was obvious that someone had returned to confirm each attacker was dead. 

It was a military tactic. Count the number of assailants, confirm the number dead. Steve’s stomach turned—it was one thing to do in war, but this was more of a slaughter. One look back at (Y/n) eased the tension in Steve’s shoulders. It wasn’t difficult to decipher the basic string of events that evening and what would have happened to her. Steve assumed, hoped, that Bucky had intervened. That was the only explanation that made much sense. It was an encouraging thought. The idea of Bucky fighting to protect someone instead of mindlessly following orders, carrying out missions as a merciless assassin gave the slightest hint of hope. 

As Steve ran a hand thought his hair a nurse backed through the door, hands filled with plastic syringes, bandages, and tape. She saw Steve and gave him a small smile. It was well past visiting hours but somehow he had managed to get permission to stay in the ICU with (Y/n). The nurse shook her head.

“You should go get some sleep,” she said quietly as she approached (Y/n)’s bedside, setting her supplies on the table. “She’ll need you fully awake and strong when she wakes up,” the nurse tried to encourage Steve to leave (Y/n) be. “She needs her rest too,” she added hesitantly. Steve huffed, amused by her statement.

“She’ll be sleeping whether I’m here or not, miss,” he called the nurse’s bluff. “With all due respect, miss, I’ll be staying here,” Steve added hastily. The placated nurse went about her business, assessing (Y/n) and giving medication after medication through the seemingly endless lines of tubes she was hooked up to. When the nurse began to pull back the blanket, she gave Steve a pleading look. “I will, I think, get some coffee though,” he said standing, tactfully avoiding the awkward conversation of her asking him to leave while she checked (Y/n) chest, abdomen, and legs while providing her with as much privacy as circumstance allowed. 

Steve glanced once more back through the door before he left, not noticing the eyes that followed him as he walked down the hall. The eyes shifted back to (Y/n)’s room, peering through the window from down the hall as the nurse went about her work for the night. When she finally left, the figure moved towards the door, looking up and down the hall before he slipped inside. Silently, he went to (Y/n)’s bedside, eyes scanning up and down her body and ever so carefully, he lifted her hand into his. Without taking his eyes off of (Y/n), he leaned against the bed, resting his hip against the hard side rail. 

“I’m—I’m sorry,” he whispered, his eyes dropping finally to the delicate hand that he was holding in his large one. He had waited, watched, and listened, paying close attention to what the doctors said about (Y/n)’s condition while he waited for Steve to leave. They didn’t know when she’d wake up, what she’d remember, what damage might be done. “I can’t – I’d stay if I could,” he added after a minute. 

Steve walked back through the hallway slowly stirring the cup of old coffee when he looked up and saw that there was someone in the room with (Y/n). He set the cup down at the nurse’s station and crept as quietly as possible to the door and listened, eyes fixed on his shield in the corner of the room ready to jump in at the first hint of danger. 

“If I’d have gotten there sooner, if I had done my job and known I was being followed,” the man started again, a catch in his throat. 

Steve’s heart began to race at the sound of Bucky’s voice. He fought every urge to run in. _This is my chance, I may not get another… third time,_ his mind and heart warred with one another. _He’s not here to hurt (Y/n), is he trying to take her again? Why her…_ Steve’s mind jumped from one thought to the next, never finishing a cohesive plan of action. 

“I’ll come back…I’ll make sure you’re safe,” Bucky said and Steve saw his old friend flinch at his own words. _Not. Your. Mission._ Bucky’s mind fought against him. He looked once more at her face instead of at the hand in his. “Yes, for now she is,” he said confidently. 

Steve slowly backed away and around the corner when he saw Bucky move to stand. His eyes widened when he saw Bucky hesitate and lean forward, tucking a stray piece of hair behind (Y/n)’s ear. Steve watched as his oldest friend’s eyes roamed over (Y/n) lying in the hospital bed, distraught by her condition. With a frown, Bucky shook his head and stalked out the door.

Letting Bucky walk away went against every instinct he had. Bucky looked over his shoulder before he ducked out of the room and down the hallway, passing Steve who was hidden behind the nurse’s station. His jaw ached from clenching his teeth, anxious at seeing his friend, confused by his behavior. _He said he’d be back_ he thought, _and I’ll be here_. 

It took another long minute before Steve could make his feet move from his position at the door. Tearing his eyes from the direction Bucky went, he finally forced himself back to a seat near (Y/n). While Brett was unreachable, Steve had taken on the responsibility of ensuring (Y/n) received the best care and that she would not wake up alone. _It’s my fault she’s here in the first place,_ he sighed as he got comfortable in his seat once again. 

Steve was just beginning to nod off, his head dipping lower and lower when he heard a faint groan from (Y/n). Quickly, he leaned forward, picking up her hand and watching her eyes. This was the most responsive she had been since Bucky had dropped her into his arms a day earlier and he was torn desperately between the need to find a nurse and wanting to make sure if she was waking up that she wouldn’t find herself alone. 

“(Y/n)?” Steve said softly. Her head turned to the side and she tried to bring her hand up to her face. (Y/n) grimaced in pain and groaned again. Tears began to seep out of her tightly shut eyes and Steve’s heart broke. He reached over her body, searching for the call bell when (Y/n)’s hand suddenly squeezed his. “It’s okay, it’s Steve…Steve Rogers,” he tried to keep his voice calm and comforting for this stranger in front of him. “I’m friends with, Brett, remember?” Steve kept talking, feeling foolish. _She can’t hear me, she’s too out of it. Where’s that nurse?_

(Y/n)’s mind tried to reach out through the fog surrounding her. If only she could wipe her face, shake her head clear. She heard her name. _Yes, yes that’s me,_ she said in her mind. _Help! Oh God it hurts!_ she shouted. All Steve could make out was another low whimper. _Brett…Brett’s my brother…this isn’t him…_ Fear began to descend over (Y/n) as pieces of memories came back. The men in the warehouse, there were so many of them. She hadn’t seen them coming. She should have seen them coming! (Y/n)’s eyes fluttered once as she gripped the hand holding hers. They had hurt her, they had hurt…

“B—“ (Y/n) tried to form words. “Where’s B—“

“Shh, shh, it’s okay (Y/n). Brett’s off on a mission,” Steve interrupted her.

“Bucky,” (Y/n) said at the same time Steve was trying to explain her brother’s absence. 

Steve froze. Of all the names she could have said, he expected that one the least. Perhaps he should have anticipated the possibility more. He still had no context of what Bucky might have done to (Y/n). Regardless of the circumstances of her rescue and the part Bucky played, Steve berated himself for not assuring (Y/n) of her safety first and foremost. 

“Don’t worry, (Y/n). You’re safe here, he can’t hurt you,” Steve tried to reassure (Y/n).

“No!” she croaked out, frustrated. “Is he … “ _Hurt? Alright?_ what was the word. “Safe?” 

_When things couldn’t get any more strange,_ Steve thought, trying to force his face into a mask of calm. (Y/n)’s eyes opened at last, searching, confused, scared, until they finally settled on Steve. 

“I—“ Steve began. What harm could be done if he told her that Bucky had been there only a short while ago while Steve was off getting coffee? Would the thought terrify her? Send her into shock? Yet she was concerned for his safety. He simply couldn’t wrap his brain around this woman. “I think so,” Steve finally decided was the safest answer. (Y/n) did her best to nod her understanding. Everything hurt. The urgent concern now addressed, she couldn’t concentrate on anything else. Steve finally managed to get to the call bell. “I need help! (Y/n) is awake and –“ he couldn’t finish the sentence before the person on the other end said that the nurse would be right in.

Within minutes the nurse was in the room, checking vital signs and assessing (Y/n). A doctor followed shortly after and Steve was whisked away from the room by a technician. He stood outside the door looking in until a curtain was closed so the doctor and nurse could get (Y/n)’s status stabilized and pain under control as quickly as possible. Steve folded his arms and wiped a hand over his face while he paced in front of the room. How did this become his life? Settling into a chair, he leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. 

\---

It took several days, but the doctors managed to get (Y/n) stable and she was moved to a step down unit. All told, her spleen had been ruptured, three ribs had been broken, and she suffered a severe concussion not to mention the countless soft tissue injuries. The beating in the warehouse on top of her previous injuries from the car accident left her physically fragile. (Y/n) however still managed to vex her doctors and nurses, pushing herself to move each day, asking for things to read, and constantly trying to do things on her own.

“(Y/n), please, if you need to get up you need to push your call bell,” the nurse tried to explain once again after countless attempts to get (Y/n) to comply. “Or at least wait until that nice young man comes to visit.”

“Well, I guess you haven’t noticed, I don’t get many visitors,” (Y/n) laughed and shook her head. Steve had finally gone home once she had been transferred out of critical care and had made one trip back to see her since. It had been a week since then. He had told her that Brett wouldn’t be back for some time and she hadn’t asked for details knowing she would get none.

“This is why you need to rest-your brain needs it to heal, (Y/n),” the nurse said patiently. (Y/n) just stared at the woman.

“What are you talking about?” 

“You’ve had a visitor nearly every evening since you got to this wing,” she said warily, reaching to get her penlight. The nurse began to do a neurological assessment and (Y/n) leaned away.

“Blonde man? Tall? He hasn’t been here for a week,” (Y/n) frowned.

The nurse seemed satisfied that (Y/n) wasn’t suffering from any new neurological symptoms and decided to attribute the confusion and lack of memory to the high levels of pain medication she was being given. When (Y/n) described Steve to the nurse, the nurse shook her head.

“No, he’s…” she tried to think of a tactful way to describe the man, “He has dark hair. It’s long, he doesn’t stay for very long but I’ve seen him there and he’s been mentioned at several shift changes.” (Y/n)’s heart stuttered. 

“Umm,” (Y/n)’s mind raced, her thoughts getting jumbled as she tried to keep up with her own train of thought. “Paper?” she wasn’t sure where she was going with this but the nurse handed (Y/n) a pad of paper and a pen. 

The nurse watched (Y/n) struggle with the pen and paper for a minute before offering her help. (Y/n) declined with a smile and once the nurse was satisfied that nothing was truly amiss, she left the room to tend to her other patients. (Y/n) frowned at the paper and the childlike handwriting on it but it was impossible to grip the pen normally with the IV stuck in the back of her hand. 

_If you keep coming while I’m asleep, we’ll never finish that card game…_

(Y/n) folded the paper in half and wrote a large “B” on the front and placed it on the chair near her bed. She felt her stomach flip at her assumption. _It couldn’t be, he wouldn’t…_ she thought to herself. She could only assume it was Bucky. She didn’t know of anyone who could even remotely come close to matching his description. 

It wasn’t long before the nurse had returned with a handful of syringes and a computer. Her timing was impeccable as (Y/n)’s previous dose of pain medication had just begun to wear off and the sharp pain had begun to return. Several IV pushes later, (Y/n) fought to keep her heavy eyes open but in the end, the medication won and she was fast asleep.

\----

_Damnit what’s that noise,_ (Y/n) thought as she slowly came around. The repetitive flipping noise was obnoxious and grating on her ears as she brought her hand up to rub the side of her face. 

“What the hell…” she grumbled and pushed herself to sit up, hissing at the sharp pain in her side. When she opened her eyes, (Y/n) saw Bucky sitting to her right, shuffling the deck of cards and watching her intently. When she made eye contact with him, he gave a slight smile and stopped shuffling the deck, holding it up for (Y/n) to see.

“You still owe me a game of poker,” Bucky said quietly, letting his hands drop as his elbows rested on his knees. “You certainly do know how to keep a guy waiting, doll,” he added with a smirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some filler, some fluff, some plot devices so we can move forward. Again, I'm so sorry for the long wait! My schedule will be a bit more regular from now on so I hope to update again in the not too distant future. I keep making notes as I think of more things I want to have happen and how I want things to develop. Please feedback is super super helpful! I'm trying to reply to all the comments I can, each one means a ton to me and is so encouraging. 
> 
> Thank you guys for sticking with me!! Hope you enjoyed this little update :) Much love <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, what's this? 2 updates within 24 hours? BOOM!!!!

(Y/n) rubbed the side of her face once again. _Damn drugs…I’m dreaming, hallucinating, something_ she thought for a moment, closing her eyes. When she opened them, Bucky was still there, sitting, watching her. 

“Bucky?” she whispered. “What are you doing here?” (Y/n) blurted out. A flash of pain crossed Bucky’s face but he quickly schooled it to a mask of indifference. He turned to look out the window briefly before standing up. 

“Just returning these,” Bucky set the deck of cards on the side table. 

He took a step back, looking at (Y/n) once more and turned to walk out the door. (Y/n) pressed her fingers against her forehead. Between the medication and the fog of her concussion she was having difficulty explaining herself. 

“Wait, Bucky,” she said and swung her legs over the side of the bed. 

Bucky continued walking until he heard the sharp intake of breath followed by a low curse behind him. Turning, he saw (Y/n) struggling to get out of bed to follow him. Before she could stand, Bucky took two long steps forward and put his hand on her shoulder to keep her still. Gently, but insistently, Bucky pressed her shoulders back into the bed and lifted her legs, sliding them once again under the covers. 

“I didn’t mean … I’m just surprised,” (Y/n) finally said when the worst of the pain subsided. 

“You can’t be that surprised,” Bucky lifted the note.

“I wasn’t sure, the nurse said I had a frequent visitor with long dark hair,” (Y/n)’s lips twitched in a small smile when Bucky ran his hand through his hair self-consciously. “If it was you, I—“ she struggled to find the right words, “I wanted to ask you why?” (Y/n) finally whispered. Bucky stared at (Y/n), eyes narrowing in confusion.

“Why?” he repeated. (Y/n) closed her eyes and let her head fall to the pillow. When Bucky moved to sit in the chair, she managed to grasp his hand. Bucky stared at their hands when she tugged on his, urging him to sit on the side of the bed. Reluctantly, he complied, surprised when she didn’t let go of his hand once he did as she wordlessly requested.

“You weren’t in any real danger, Bucky.” (Y/n)’s eyes opened again to search Bucky’s face. “With those men, I saw how you took care of them. You didn’t need to save me. You could’ve let them do what they would and then left. You’re risking everything you fear by visiting me here, I just… I don’t understand,” she had begun to ramble, trying to keep up with the questions in her head.

Bucky’s eyes dropped once again to their hands. _Why doesn’t she let go? Maybe she can’t,_ he thought and tried to gently extricate his hand from hers. When she weakly held on, he brought his gaze to meet hers; she was intent on getting answers. Bucky swallowed and pressed his lips together tightly.

“I may be a monster, but I’m not that kind of a monster,” he stared past (Y/n) to a spot on the wall above her head. “Not surprised you think I am—“ Bucky started but (Y/n) squeezed his hand again. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her. “You have every reason to think I am,” he added when he felt (Y/n)’s hand finally slip out of his. When Bucky felt the deck of cards being pressed into his hand, he looked down at it then back to (Y/n) in confusion.

“It’s your deal, Bucky,” (Y/n) gave him a weak smile. With a nod, Bucky began shuffling the deck and dealt out five cards to each. The two stared at their cards, (Y/n) having to hold hers awkwardly to keep the IV from pinching. Bucky waited patiently while she ordered her cards and set down two and waited for him to give her two more. “You never said why,” she calmly prompted Bucky to continue.

Bucky stared at the cards in his hand, unmoving. It took several long minutes before he finally discarded a card a picked a new one. (Y/n) didn’t miss the look of pain and anxiety that passed over his face as he thought about the events of only a week ago.

“When I saw him on you, saw how he was hurting you,” Bucky worked his jaw, searching for words, “I just couldn’t let them… let him…” he left the rest unsaid. (Y/n) took a shaky breath. 

Both finally put their finished hands down. (Y/n) won with a flush over Bucky’s three of a kind. Bucky picked the cards up and ordered them, before putting the deck on the side table and getting up to leave. 

“I’m sorry, Bucky, but I thought the rules were winner gets to ask something,” (Y/n) raised an eyebrow when Bucky looked at her over his shoulder. He squared himself in front of her and folded his arms, his face blank as he waited for her question. “Will you stay?”

That question rendered Bucky dumbfounded. Winning questions up until now had aimed at personal information, not requests. (Y/n) frowned when Bucky didn’t move or speak. He heard her speak his name in question and he took a step back to the bedside. (Y/n) tediously pulled her legs up, folding them carefully under her and motioned for Bucky to sit opposite her on the bed. He complied, picking up the deck of cards once more, holding them in the air in question. (Y/n) chuckled and nodded and Bucky once again began shuffling.

It was like this that Steve found (Y/n) and Bucky, sitting, playing poker in relative silence. He stood at the door, staring at Bucky’s back when he heard his old friend laugh quietly and make a comment about his winning hand. _Who is this woman…_ Steve simply couldn’t believe his eyes. (Y/n) caught a glimpse of Steve out of the corner of her eye and looked up. Steve tried to step out of sight before Bucky turned to see him, loth to disrupt a peaceful moment. As soon as Bucky noticed Steve, he tried to stand but (Y/n) reached out and coughed his sleeve.

“Please don’t go,” she said. 

“Did you know he’d be here?” Bucky’s glare was accusatory.

“He hasn’t been here in a week. No Bucky, this wasn’t some elaborate sting operation,” (Y/n) laughed grimly. “Believe me, if it were, it would’ve been planned a whole lot better and I wouldn’t have landed myself like this,” she gestured to herself with her free hand. 

Only after Steve saw a bit of the tension in Bucky’s shoulders ease did he enter the room. He shoved his hands into his pockets and nodded to (Y/n).

“You look good, (Y/n)” Steve gave her a smile. (Y/n) rolled her eyes with an easy smile. “You know what I mean,” he added and then glanced at Bucky. “Guess you’re a pretty popular lady, Ms. (Y/L/N),” and at that (Y/n) did laugh, only to wince and cover her side with her free hand. She still refused to let go of Bucky, not that she would be able to stop him if he decided to dash away.

“Oh yea, that’s me, Miss. Popularity,” she watched Bucky filled with quiet tension as he stared at Steve.

“I caught the nurse in the hall,” Steve said trying to give Bucky time to adjust to his presence. “She said that you’d likely be allowed to go home tomorrow,” he smiled at the news. “Course you can’t be alone,” Steve added and shifted his feet. “But you’re more than welcome to stay with me until you’re on your feet.”

(Y/n) was grateful for Steve’s offer and nearly accepted immediately, her only hesitation sitting in front of her. 

“And what about you, Bucky?” (Y/n) finally acknowledged the heavy tension that hung in the room. Bucky looked at her, eyebrows drawn down in a frown. 

(Y/n) had been to hell and back over the past week and a half. She should be running to Steve with open arms and not looking back. She should be grateful for his offer and not be worried about the dangerously unstable man who kidnapped her.

“What about me,” Bucky watched (Y/n) warily. Steve could hardly contain himself when Bucky acknowledged his name.

“Where will you go?” she asked, adjusting her hand in his. 

Bucky looked down at the motion and suddenly dropped her hand as if it were poison. Away, he had to get away. _Too dangerous, she’ll be safe with him,_ he thought as he pushed away from the bed and tried to dodge Steve to get to the door. 

Steve’s hands came up to restrain Bucky’s shoulders but he batted them away, turning his back. A quick step by Steve had him between Bucky and the door once more and another quick reach hand the door closed. Bucky cocked his arm back to hit Steve, seeing no other option for escape. As soon as (Y/n) saw the direction the situation had taken she forced herself out of bed, a sharp cry following as he legs buckled from pain. In an instant, both men looked at (Y/n) and before she could fall Bucky was at her side, supporting her. He lifted her back into bed, giving her a cursory once over. Without a second thought, he stormed towards the door.

“Wait, Bucky, just… hear me out,” Steve finally addressed Bucky for the first time. 

“Don’t call me that!” Bucky shouted. In the back of Steve’s mind it registered that (Y/n) could call him by name while he apparently could not. 

“Just, one minute, please?” Steve put his hands up, palms outward in an attempt to placate Bucky. 

“Listen to him? For me?” (Y/n) spoke up and Bucky closed his eyes at the sound of her voice though his back was still to her. When he opened them Steve was watching him carefully for any sign of fight or flight. With a nod towards the door he and Steve stepped outside of the room. Steve caught the distraught look on (Y/n)’s face as he closed the door behind him.

“You don’t have to be alone,” Steve took care to avoid using Bucky’s name. 

“She’ll be safe with you. I don’t even know her and look what I did to her,” Bucky clipped his words short. He ran his hand through his hair in agitation as his eyes darted from person to person, corner to corner. 

“You’ve spent more time with her than I have,” Steve said very matter of fact. “I think she needs you as much as you need her,” he risked saying. Bucky clenched his jaw, casting a sidelong glance towards (Y/n)’s door. 

“I’m a danger, I’m a monster who abducts innocent women and gets them nearly beaten to death,” he said under his breath. Steve’s heart broke at his words.

“I’ll be there,” Steve said impulsively. When Bucky gave him an odd look he quickly explained himself. “In case something happens. (Y/n)’ll be safe, I promise, Buck…” he chanced using his friend’s name. 

“If I think there’s a chance I’ll hurt her I’m leaving,” Bucky warned and Steve gave him a nod.

“Fair enough,” he said just as the nurse came over. She held a folder from the doctor and looked back and forth between the two men.

“Mr. Rogers?” she asked hesitantly, waiting to see whether or not the situation in front of her was something to be concerned about. Steve just nodded and turned to face the woman. “(Y/n)’s going to be released this afternoon. You two,” she gestured between both men, “Are the only ones I’ve seen here, will she be going with you? She needs someone to be with her for the next few weeks and you said her brother is unreachable for now…” the nurse’s voice trailed off.

“Yes, ma’am. She’ll be with us, we’ll make sure she’s taken care of,” Steve emphasized _we_ ever so slightly and Bucky almost rolled his eyes. With a nod of approval the nurse entered the room to discuss discharge instructions with (Y/n). Bucky and Steve stood side by side staring into the room.

“I don’t even know you,” Bucky said. Steve shoved his hands back in his pockets and nodded.

“I know,” was all he said for a long time. “But I do know you need a shower and some fresh clothes,” Steve smirked and Bucky gave him an incredulous look. “Come on,” he stepped forward into (Y/n)’s room to receive his part of the instructions on how to look after and take care of (Y/n). Steve made sure Bucky stood close enough to hear as well. 

“It’ll be another few hours, but after that you can go home,” the nurse finished up and left the room. 

“Are you ready to get out of here?” Steve asked amused when he saw (Y/n) fidgeting.

“Yes, absolutely yes, get me the hell out of this place!” she laughed and Bucky’s lips turned up in an amused smile. Steve pretended not to notice.

“We’ll be back, we,” Steve once again emphasized _we_ , “need to get these prescriptions so they’ll be ready when you’re released,” he said. 

(Y/n) nodded, suddenly wary that Bucky was apparently going to leave with Steve. She watched Bucky carefully and cast a pleading glance to Steve who took a few steps backwards towards the door before going to wait outside.

“Will you be okay?” (Y/n) asked and Bucky stared at her, shocked by her concern. “You won’t run?” she added. Bucky finally dipped his head in a silent promise.

“What sort of man would I be if I disappointed such a beautiful dame?” he flashed a grin though it didn’t reach his eyes. When she held him in a hard gaze, Bucky closed his eyes and once again dipped his head. “I promise,” he said, dropping the charade. (Y/n) laid back in her bed, resting her head on the pillow, appeased for the time being.

“You two hurry back, I need you to break me out of here before I lose my mind,” (Y/n) said sleepily. Bucky only chuckled as he walked to the door, falling in beside Steve as they left the hospital.

\---

Steve drove to the drug store and Bucky followed him up to the pharmacy where he handed over the numerous prescriptions to be filled. They had time to wait and Steve looked Bucky over with disapproval.

“If your Ma could see you now she’d slap you upside your head,” Steve chuckled and shook his head. “Actually, she’d slap me silly too for letting you be seen in public like this,” he laughed at the thought. 

Bucky stood stiffly when he caught his reflection against Steve’s in the window of the pharmacy. He was aware for the first time of just how disheveled he looked. His beard was unkempt, his hair long and greasy, face smudged with dirt and clothes tattered and dirty. 

Steve tilted his head towards the hygiene products and Bucky followed. Bucky looked lost in the vast aisles of products, overwhelmed by the number and variety.

“Just… pick, tell me what I need,” Bucky said through gritted teeth as anxiety welled up in his chest. Steve took a half step closer and leaned forward to pick up soap and deodorant. He handed them to Bucky.

“What do you think of these?” Steve asked and Bucky stared blankly back. 

“I don’t have an opinion,” Bucky recited. Steve took a deep breath, patiently trying to coax Bucky back to conversation.

“Do you really want to spend all day smelling like something you hate? You don’t have to go through every single one, but at least make sure it’s something you can tolerate,” Steve gestured to the soap and deodorant in Bucky’s hand. 

Bucky slowly raised the deodorant and winced, scrunching his nose. Steve schooled the laugh that nearly escaped at the sight. Stepping forward, Bucky put the container back and picked another, smelled it, and gave a nod, looking once again to Steve for direction. Steve let out the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. One by one, they went through the essentials Bucky needed and by the time they were finished, (Y/n)’s prescriptions were ready. Back in the car, Bucky looked over at Steve with an unreadable expression. 

“Who are you to me?” Bucky asked. Steve raised his eyebrows and looked at the steering wheel.

“That’s not a question quickly answered,” he said. “But, friends, Buck. We’re friends,” Steve said before putting the car into gear and heading to his apartment.

\--

When Bucky and Steve returned to the hospital, the nurse was in the room with (Y/n) who was lying back in bed. The nurse was just finishing removing the last IV and had a wheelchair at the ready.

“Ah, your protectors have returned I see,” the nurse laughed. 

(Y/n) looked up over the nurse’s shoulder to see Steve and Bucky standing there. Steve was smiling but she wasn’t looking at him. Bucky stood freshly washed, shaven, and in clean clothes. (Y/n) felt a flutter in her chest and her cheeks turned pink. 

“You look good,” (Y/n) said trying to sound casual and confident. Steve hid a smirk but Bucky only grinned at her approval. The nurse watched the exchange and hid her amused smile by turning to throw the trash away. 

As the nurse stepped away, Bucky saw the extent of (Y/n)’s injuries for the first time. Her clothes had been destroyed when she arrived, but she still had a sports bra and the nurse had found some scrub pants for her. She had been about to leave to find a spare scrub top for her when the two men had returned.

Slowly, Bucky stepped over and looked down at (Y/n), dread on his face. His fingertips ghosted over the deep purple and blue marks covering most of her stomach and side. He ran his finger alongside the incision where (Y/n)’s spleen had been removed, then up to her face where the dark purple was beginning to fade to green and yellow. Bucky’s breath caught in his throat and he turned quickly to leave but (Y/n)’s hand grabbed his. 

“You promised,” (Y/n) gently reminded him. Bucky stayed silent for a long time but then nodded. 

The nurse returned empty handed and apologized. (Y/n) was about to say that it was fine, that it was warm enough for her to get home but before she could say a word, Bucky took off the jacket he had borrowed from Steve and wrapped it around (Y/n)’s shoulders. The nurse helped ease (Y/n)’s arms into the sleeves and then helped her down into the wheelchair. The three moved in silence as the nurse wheeled (Y/n) out to the front of the hospital where Steve had jogged ahead to have the car ready. (Y/n) thanked the nurse for everything once she had been maneuvered into the car. The nurse gave her a kind smile and a wave as she shut the door, leaving the three to go on their way. 

The ride to Steve’s apartment was relatively short but painfully quiet. (Y/n) closed her eyes and let her head rest against the window while Bucky watched her from the backseat. Steve glanced at his friend in the rearview mirror from time to time, trying to read the expression on Bucky’s face as he watched (Y/n). When they finally arrived Steve parked and went around to open the passenger side door for (Y/n) who turned in her seat carefully to pull herself out of the car. Bucky watched anxiously and Steve let out a puff of air, shaking his head in amusement.

“You really gonna make the lady walk the whole way, Buck?” he asked and Bucky quirked an eyebrow at Steve in confusion. “She ain’t gonna make it up all those stairs herself.” When Bucky didn’t respond Steve shrugged and stepped forward as if to pick (Y/n) up but Bucky quickly caught his meaning and swept her up into his arms, cradling her to his chest. Bucky turned towards the stairs and Steve closed the car door behind him looking smug. 

(Y/n) let her head rest against Bucky’s chest as he carried her. Fatigue was setting in quickly from the activity of getting her out of the hospital and home to Steve’s place. She let herself breathe in the smell of Bucky’s freshly showered scent. It was oddly calming and her eyes grew heavy as she placed her hand against his chest. Steve squeezed past Bucky and (Y/n) to unlock the door and the three were finally home. Bucky’s eyes scanned the room once and then twice for any sign of a threat and then moved further into the room. 

“She should get some sleep,” Steve said to Bucky nodding down to where (Y/n) lay halfway between sleep and wakefulness against Bucky’s chest. 

Steve led Bucky to his room and pulled back the covers so he could place (Y/n) down. Steve stepped back and watched as Bucky carefully drew the covers back up and over (Y/n), pausing to once more look at her battered body. When he was confident (Y/n) was safe, Steve stepped out of the room and pulled the door halfway closed, giving Bucky the option to stay with her or to come out and join him. Bucky was about to step away when (Y/n) murmured his name. He froze, listening. (Y/n) said his name again and her eyes cracked open. Slowly, Bucky knelt down on the floor next to the head of the bed.

“Don’t go,” she said. She had been alone too much the past week. 

“What would you like?” Bucky asked hesitantly, not sure how to handle the situation. (Y/n) turned her head and saw the television opposite the bed. 

“Movie,” (Y/n) said, “and sleep.” Bucky left to ask Steve for help. Within a few minutes, a movie was playing softly in the background and Steve was once again leaving the room, though this time he closed the door when he saw Bucky start to climb into the bed with (Y/n). He smiled to himself as he left the two alone. 

Bucky sat stiffly next to (Y/n), keeping his eyes trained on the movie in front of him. (Y/n) yawned and gingerly pushed herself up so she could see the television from her place. Slowly and carefully, (Y/n) leaned over on Bucky’s right shoulder. He looked down, confused but (Y/n)’s half closed eyes stayed on the movie. Before long, her breathing was slow and even, her lips parted slightly as she drifted off to sleep. Bucky couldn’t help himself from slowly wrapping his arm behind her as she shifted to place her hand on his chest. The warmth of her against his side and the feeling of being clean and safe soon lulled Bucky into sleep. 

Steve checked on the two an hour later, the sight of the two sleeping soundly bringing a half smile to his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the scene in the drug store with all the products and such, that wasn’t meant to be some odd girly scene but I wanted to acknowledge how strange and overwhelming it would be to have so many options (not just from being the Winter Soldier in HYDRA but also think back to the 40’s, there weren’t a million brands with a million scents). It was just the first step in Bucky being able to make some decisions for himself, even if it was only what his deodorant smelled like or what toothpaste he used.   
> Also – yes, I know it’s kinda progressed a little quickly with the Reader/Bucky (kinda), but if you’ve ever been on these kinds of pain medications, people get really touchy-feely and lovey haha. So a bit of a combination of things going on here, plus, who doesn’t like fluff with Bucky?!
> 
> What did you think? Feedback helps me so so much! Let me know what you liked, what you didn't, what you want to see what you don't want to see! You guys are amazing! Much love <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even have time to write up a good note for you guys!! I had a few hours off tonight and decided to crank out another chapter! Enjoy!! I miss and love you all! Your comments are amazing, I promise to get back to each and every one of you!

Bucky didn’t understand. He was standing alone, the walls a nondescript gray, the floor a polished concrete, and fluorescent lights swinging above him. He waited for the pain to start – they never forced him to wait long. 

A high pitched scream made Bucky’s head snap around. Before he understood what was happening, he was sprinting, a horrible feeling in his stomach. The hallway began to stretch out before him, getting longer and longer while he inevitably ran slower and slower. He heard his name being called. _That was new_ Bucky thought. The screams rose in intensity and Bucky tried to force himself to move faster. 

Without warning, the hallway ended, opening up into a giant room. Bucky couldn’t make out the walls on either side or the ceiling high above him. (Y/n) sat, tied to a chair in the middle of the room. A harsh light directly above her cast harsh shadows across her body which sagged limply in the chair. Bucky felt his throat constrict. _She’s not moving, Why isn’t she moving!_ he thought as he walked slowly forward. 

He had nearly reached her, his hand outstretched ready to check if she was still alive, when two men stepped into the ring of light. They stood behind (Y/n), their hands in their pockets. 

“We have some unfinished business, my friend,” one growled, spitting out the word friend. As the other stalked forward, the first pulled his hands out, revealing a crumpled, bandaged hand. Bucky took a deep breath as he focused on the man walking towards (Y/n), his grin promising terrible things.

“No!” Bucky shouted and stepped forward when he felt a sharp sting in the side of his neck. 

Without a sound, he was surrounded by men in black tactical gear, many with black masks covering most of their face. All had a silver insignia over their right chest. _HYDRA_ Bucky’s arms were held back as he was forced to his knees. He couldn’t move. He was completely paralyzed. Bucky screamed over and over in his head as the second man paced back and forth behind (Y/n), waiting for some unknown sign. 

The man’s eyes went behind Bucky and with a nod, he kicked the chair (Y/n) was in over, her body hitting the concrete floor with a dull thump. She groaned and slowly her eyes opened to see Bucky in front of her, his eyes wide in horror, his breathing ragged.

“Why would you let them come?” she asked, her eyes filled with betrayal.

_No! I didn’t, I couldn’t!_ Bucky screamed in his mind, unable to force his mouth to form words.

“It’s your fault,” she accused, closing her eyes and looking away from him as the second man descended on her. 

“No!!” Bucky lurched forward in bed.

His heart was racing and his face was covered in a sheen of sweat. (Y/n) stirred at the sudden movement and Bucky looked over to see her safe, half between sleeping and wakefulness against him. Bucky brought his hand up to push his hair out of his face and (Y/n)’s eyes finally fluttered open.

“Bucky?” she said sleepily. When she saw the state he was in, (Y/n) quickly wiped the sleep from her eyes. “What is it?” she reached for Bucky’s hand. When he tried to pull away, she instead pressed her palm into his cheek. 

_Have to leave, have to get away,_ Bucky thought and tried to pull his head back. (Y/n) weakly held on. _She’s in danger,_ he thought to himself.

“No, I’m not,” (Y/n) whispered, “and neither are you, Bucky,” she tried to reassure him. 

Bucky looked down confused. Had he said that out loud? (Y/n) gently pushed his damp hair away from his forehead and tugged gently on his head. Not wanting to hurt her by forcing himself out of her grasp, Bucky reluctantly complied. 

(Y/n) directed his head down to her chest and weakly held his head there. It took time, but Bucky slowly began to relax against (Y/n), letting his arms wrap around her middle. When she finally felt him take a deep but shaky breath, (Y/n) gently kissed the top of his head, comforting him. One of her hands held his head against her chest, the other ran over his back, tracing lazy patterns. 

She never asked to hear his dream, never asked if he wanted to talk about it, never tried to pry out his dark secrets. Though Bucky was being pulled away from the terror of his nightmare, the fact that he’d never had a nightmare featuring anyone besides him and his time with HYDRA didn’t escape him.

(Y/n) glanced over at the clock. It was nearly 4:00am and the movie had long since turned off. She vaguely wondered if Steve had come in and turned everything off. The lights had certainly been turned off and she didn’t remember doing that. Perhaps it was Bucky? Her mind wandered as she continued to run her fingers through Bucky’s hair absently.

Unable to keep her eyes open any longer, (Y/n)’s head slowly sank down against Bucky’s. When he felt her touches slow and eventually stop, Bucky risked lifting his head to look up at (Y/n). Her head was at an awkward angle against the headboard, but her eyes were closed and her breathing even. Ever so carefully, he pulled her lower on the bed so her head was once again on her pillow and curled protectively around her. As he drifted off, Bucky promised himself he would never let what he saw in his dream happen to (Y/n). 

\--

(Y/n) woke up as the sun finally crept through the windows, hitting her eyes at a most unpleasant angle. She turned her head, looking down her body. Bucky’s right arm was draped over her middle, his left sandwiched between the bed and the pillow that he and (Y/n) apparently had decided to share at some point in the night. Bucky’s entire body seemed to be curling in around (Y/n), as if he were trying to hide her from the rest of the world. 

(Y/n)’s eyebrows drew down in a frown as she worried about their current state. _Is this completely inappropriate?_ she thought to herself. Whether it was or not, one thing was painfully obvious – that Bucky had somehow decided to trust (Y/n). _If that’s what he needs, I can be that,_ she decided as she lay there, head still clouded with sleep. _He needs Steve though.._ she argued with herself. _I can’t help him, I don’t… is this even healthy? Who does this?_ (Y/n) chewed her bottom lip. 

Memories of the middle of the night began to seep back and she took a deep breath. Her stomach clenched as she remembered seeing the sheer look of terror in Bucky’s eyes when she had woken up. _None of this is healthy,_ she thought as she brought her hand up to gently run over the one Bucky rested on her stomach. (Y/n) would ask Steve about it later. She could hand off Bucky’s care to him once Brett returned or once she was well enough to return home on her own. _It can’t be more than a few days,_ she convinced herself and decided that until then, this felt nice and couldn’t hurt. 

Bucky finally began to stir at (Y/n)’s touch, his arm squeezing her closer to him. (Y/n) whimpered ever so slightly and Bucky was suddenly wide awake, leaning up on his elbow and looking down at her.

“M’sorry,” she said sleepily, “still a bit tender,” (Y/n) admitted and Bucky saw his hand not far from her incision. He immediately jerked his hand away and (Y/n) just shook her head. Carefully she rolled onto her back so she could look over at Bucky. “You know, I’m still gross from being in the hospital for a week. I probably smell like disinfectant still,” her tone was light as she tried to draw Bucky back out from the worry she saw building in his eyes. She pulled her hair around and smelled it and nodded an emphatic _yes_. “I need a shower,” (Y/n) laughed when Bucky stared at her blankly. “Don’t look at me like that—I promise I’m not asking you for help,” she smirked and suddenly Bucky’s face was filled with a new horror. 

He worked his mouth trying to find something to say when (Y/n) finally decided she had let him flounder long enough. She patted his arm and pushed herself up so she could sit with her legs hanging off the bed.

“Let’s find Steve, see what’s on the agenda,” (Y/n) encouraged and Bucky followed her lead, standing next to her, watching, waiting to see how she moved. Her steps were hesitant and shaky, enough so that Bucky let his hand hover behind her back, ready should he decide (Y/n) actually needed assistance. 

Steve looked over his shoulder as he finished folding the blanket he’d used that night and draped it over the arm of the couch. His eyes went briefly to the hand Bucky held protectively behind (Y/n) but didn’t let Bucky catch him staring and didn’t make mention of it. 

“Good morning,” Steve said with a guarded smile. (Y/n) smiled back, not so guarded while Bucky didn’t take his eyes from (Y/n)’s unsteady gait. “Breakfast?” He asked, clearing his throat and looking over at the kitchen.

(Y/n) winced at the thought of food and shook her head. 

“Honestly, I’d really appreciate a shower I think, and maybe some clean clothes?” (Y/n) scrunched her face up apologetically at the request. Steve took a few steps towards her and put his hand on her shoulder carefully. He noticed the way Bucky had stepped closer to (Y/n) at his approach but didn’t bring attention to it.

“I think that can be arranged, (Y/n),” his smile was disarming and (Y/n) nodded. Steve stepped away to get some towels while calling directions over his shoulder. 

“Shower is down the hall, first door on your left. The faucet can be tricky—“ he gave a few more tips on how to get the temperature to work properly before (Y/n) was left standing in the bathroom with two men shoulder to shoulder in the doorway staring at her. 

_If this isn’t the most awkward moment in history then I don’t know what is_ (Y/n) thought with an amused smile. 

“If you need anything-“ Steve started but (Y/n) held up a hand and placed the other on the door.

“I’ll call, promise,” she said as she slowly closed the door in the faces of both rather startled men. 

(Y/n) went over and with Steve’s tips, had the shower running smoothly in minutes. It took her decidedly longer to extricate herself from her clothes. She nearly shouted in triumph when she was free of the infuriating sports bra. The bathroom had filled with steam and soon she was stepping into the shower. 

(Y/n) looked at the utilitarian body soap and shampoo. She caught herself pouting at the lack of conditioner. _Beggars can’t be choosers, (Y/n)_ she reminded herself and quickly had the shampoo lathered. 

Fatigue set in quickly after her hair was rinsed free of suds. As carefully as she could, (Y/n) lowered herself to sit on the floor of the bath tub, the water raining down from high above her now. Leaning against the tiled wall, she lathered the soap in her hands. It certainly smelled better than the hospital wipes that had been used to “bathe” her with and that was more than she had hoped for. 

Once (Y/n) had washed herself and was relatively content with the outcome she tried to push herself back to her feet. The room was spinning and she quickly sat back down. Every curse and swear she’d ever heard and some she hadn’t went through her head. _Maybe if I just sit here and rest a minute, I’ll be able to get up,_ she thought to herself and closed her eyes, letting her head rest against the tiled wall while water continued to rain down from above.

\--

As the door closed in their faces, Steve and Bucky simply stood there, shocked to silence. It was Steve who spoke first.

“I think she just might be a bigger handful than her brother,” Steve chuckled as he stepped away from the door. Bucky reluctantly followed suit walking a pace behind Steve.

“Brett,” Bucky mused out loud. He continued to stare at his feet when Steve gave him a curious glance. He decided not to press though he was extremely curious as to how much Bucky and (Y/n) knew about one another. 

Steve went straight to the kitchen, Bucky cautiously following. Though Steve offered one of the counter chairs, Bucky stood stiffly in the doorway, eyes darting around the room for threats. Instead of commenting, Steve went straight to the coffee pot that was already filled with steaming coffee, one of the finer points of modern technology he pointed out to Bucky, coffee that brewed itself, ready when you woke up. Bucky raised his eyebrows at what amused the blond. From the little he’d seen and remembered automated coffee pots were far from extraordinary. 

Steve saw the slight amusement on Bucky’s face and poured a second mug, handing it to him. The two stood in silence for quite some time, sipping their black coffee. Steve finally shifted, the questions building up in his mind as he watched Bucky standing stiffly out of the corner of his eye.

“You care about her,” he said over the lip of his mug. Bucky’s eyes darted over to Steve.

“Pardon?” Bucky said impulsively. 

“(Y/n), you don’t like it when she’s out of your sight, do you?” Steve raised his eyebrows, expecting an honest answer. It took a long moment before Bucky decided there was no acceptable way for him to answer this. Instead he reached over and grabbed the pot of coffee, pouring himself a second mug. Steve watched him carefully. 

“You were the first person she asked about, you know,” Steve pursed his lips and looked at the mug in his hands. 

That brought Bucky to a grinding halt, his mug half way to his lips. Carefully, he brought the mug the rest of the way to his mouth and took a sip, attempting to look nonchalant. Steve simply looked at his friend. 

“You always were a sucker for beautiful women…and them for you,” Steve chuckled with a shake of his head. 

“Beautiful?” Bucky asked. 

“You don’t think she’s beautiful?” Steve asked, attempting to keep a straight look on his face when Bucky began to get flustered. Of all the things he remembered about his oldest friend, being anxious about a woman was the farthest thing from his mind. Him yes. Bucky? No. Certainly not. “You know, she’s been in there a long time,” Steve said looking down at his watch. It had been nearly 45 minutes. “I mean not that she’s not entitled to a long shower but…maybe you should make sure she’s okay?” Steve prodded. Bucky snapped out of his thoughts and looked over at Steve. 

“Why me?” Bucky asked. 

“Because she trusts you?” Steve offered. This was apparently the wrong answer as Bucky turned on his heels and went for the door.

“She absolutely shouldn’t,” Bucky growled. Steve quickly caught up to him and with a hand over Bucky’s shoulder pushed the door closed just as Bucky began to pull it open. “You don’t know me!” Bucky turned and stepped into Steve, gritting his teeth.

“Neither do you,” Steve pointed out, keeping his face a mask of calm. Bucky turned his head and looked to the wall beside him. 

_I’ll be the death of her,_ Bucky thought to himself, wiping a hand over his face then back through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes. Steve relaxed ever so slightly when Bucky stepped away, but he didn’t let up his argument.

“Back before the war,” Steve started quietly, shoving his hands in his pockets, “you took care of this scrawny little kid. He was an idiot. Always got into fights, tried to play baseball in the street with the other kids only to not be able to breathe as soon as he started running. He was a mess,” Steve looked at the ground. “But you looked after him, and you did a damn good job of it too,” he said firmly. Bucky’s brow furrowed as he furiously tried to remember what Steve was talking about. “Will you just go knock on the door at least?” he gently urged Bucky. Without a word, Bucky walked towards the door to the bathroom.

Bucky raised his hand and after a moment’s hesitation, knocked on the bathroom door. There was no response. He was just about to knock again when he heard the water shut off. _She’s at least conscious, just… wanted a long shower,_ Bucky insisted to himself. Finally when he still heard no movement and received no answer, Bucky knocked a third time. “(Y/n)?” he called through the door.

(Y/n) swore to herself and closed her eyes. _You can do this,_ she silently encouraged herself. After three tries, she finally managed to shut the shower off with her foot. It took just as many tries to reach one of the towels piled onto the closed toilet to drape over herself. _Just need a minute to rest,_ (Y/n) thought, letting her head sink against the tiled wall once more. 

Bucky slowly turned the doorknob, calling (Y/n)’s name once more so she would know he was coming in. Cautiously, his eyes scanned the bathroom. He could see (Y/n) sitting on the floor of the tub through the glass doors and stepped quickly into the bathroom. One door had been rolled back from her attempts to stand up and exit the shower.

“I’m alright,” (Y/n) said with a light smirk, attempting to disarm the obviously worried man standing over her. 

Bucky looked down at (Y/n). She had managed to pull the towel over her like a blanket but she was pale and had dark circles under her eyes. Under his stare, she lifted her hands to the sides of the tub to try and push herself up but he saw them shake. Bucky knelt down and put his hand over hers and raised his eyebrows when he finally caught her eye. (Y/n) shrugged and leaned back once more.

“What can I say, some call me stubborn…” she gave Bucky a half smile. Her relief that help had arrived was quickly becoming evident on her face though she worked to keep it from Bucky. Without help she knew she’d be trapped there for quite some time with as weak as she still was. Making up his mind that enough was enough, Bucky leaned forward to pick up (Y/n) who put up her hands in protest. “You really don’t have to, a hand is fine,” (Y/n) tried to insist but Bucky gave her another look. 

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he said shocking both of them. Bucky coughed glancing away briefly before returning his gaze to (Y/n). “Besides, do you really think I’m gonna pass up the chance to hold a beautiful dame like you in my arms?” he asked with a confident smirk, a hint of a Brooklyn accent coming through. 

Steve had to suppress the snort that nearly escaped when he heard Bucky’s comment. He had been listening around the corner, feeling as if he’d be transported back in time, listening to his friend try to chat to a pretty lady while he sat back and watched.

(Y/n) shook her head, her eyes going to her hands in her lap. 

“How can I refuse?” (Y/n) finally looked back up into Bucky’s eyes. 

Carefully, Bucky reached around (Y/n), his right hand sliding behind her back, his left under her legs. The towel was trapped between (Y/n)’s body and his chest as it draped over her like a blanket. She grabbed the second towel as Bucky carried her out of the bathroom, making his way to Steve’s bedroom. Steve looked once around the corner when he heard the door shut, chuckling to himself as he went to start some breakfast in the kitchen. 

Bucky set (Y/n) down on the bed as if she might break if he moved wrong. She turned, one hand holding the towel in place in front of her. 

“Is there anything I can put on?” she asked and Bucky immediately went to the small stash of clothing Steve had picked for him. 

He returned with a large tee shirt and a pair of boxers. When Bucky saw (Y/n) struggling to dry off, he picked up the second towel she’d grabbed on their way out of the bathroom. He sat behind her, gently drying off her back, hoping she wouldn’t notice how difficult it was for him to tear his eyes from the curve of her back down to her hips. He had to shake his head, clearing it once he realized he had been drying her back far past the point of it being even slightly damp. Bucky held the tee shirt out, carefully easing it over her head and down her sides. He knelt in front of her, feeding one leg through each leg hole of the boxers until he helped her stand, holding her sides as she pulled them up to her waist. 

The effort of drying off and getting dressed had exhausted (Y/n). Her pain had redoubled and her face was ashen. Worriedly, Bucky handed a pain pill to (Y/n) and the half glass of water that was still at the bedside table from the previous night. She thanked Bucky with a small smile and swallowed the pill before easing herself back into bed. 

 

“Food is almost ready. Buck, you want to get a plate ready for (Y/n)?” Steve called from the other side of the door. Bucky looked anxiously at (Y/n) who squeezed his hand. 

 

“I think some food other than the hospital food I’ve been forced to endure would be wonderful,” she said, giving Bucky permission to leave her side. He gave a quick nod, hesitated once more before he left. “What is it?” (Y/n) asked and Bucky pushed a hank of wet hair away from her face. 

“Nothing,” he whispered, leaving his hand to cradle (Y/n)’s cheek. 

“Food’s getting cold, Buck!” Steve called in and Bucky cursed. 

“I’m gonna hit that little punk, I swear,” he glared over his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I will reply to each and every one of your comments! I had some free time tonight to write and I had to choose between replying to comments and writing a new chapter – somehow I figured you guys would much prefer an update!! Much love <3 I really hope you enjoyed this!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this one is a little angsty, a little emo, a little melodramatic I don't know how to describe it, but it is what it is! Hopefully you guys enjoy this chapter!

Bucky stepped out of the room only to be greeted by Steve who didn’t attempt to hide the grin on his face. 

“Can I join you two in there, or are you gonna feed her one bite at a time all romantic like?” Steve smirked down at the hot skillet filled with eggs while Bucky shot a glare in his direction.

“Bug off, would ya?” Bucky griped as he picked up a plate Steve had already filled. He didn’t even notice his slip back into his old Brooklyn accent. 

Steve held up his hands with a chuckle before picking up a plate for himself, following Bucky back to (Y/n). (Y/n) had managed to pull the remotes from the bedside table and was looking at some movie and TV options. It was painfully obvious she wouldn’t be doing much aside from resting for the foreseeable future. 

Her dismal thought process was interrupted by the sight of Bucky and Steve with real food. Bucky watched as (Y/n) struggled to push herself into a seated position, his eyes darting to Steve. Now that there was someone else there to help, he began to second guess when he should or shouldn’t intervene. Each grimace and yelp he heard from (Y/n) brought new, confusing concern. The painfully awkward silence that followed brought him back to reality, realizing that both Steve and (Y/n) were watching him. He quickly set the plate down on the pillow (Y/n) had draped over her lap and sat on the end of the bed facing her. Steve watched his old friend until the three of them settled into an awkward silence as they ate. (Y/n) was the first to speak up.

“Steve, you have all of this technology, blue-ray player hooked up to Netflix and Amazon and Hulu, all of these DVDs,” (Y/n)’s hand gestured to the bookcase filled with disks, “Cable, internet…yet Brett keeps telling me how far behind you are on pop culture!” she gave the supersoldier a hard time. Steve laughed as he took a bite, staring at his plate.

“Well, not only do I have 70 years to catch up on, (Y/n), but if you hadn’t noticed or hadn’t heard from your brother,” he shot her a playful glare, “I’ve been rather busy,” Steve laughed. 

“And what about now?” She asked before shoving a fork full of eggs into her mouth. 

Steve watched her thoughtfully before shooting a brief glance to Bucky who refused to take his eyes from (Y/n). 

“Now, I think I have some time to spare,” Steve alluded. (Y/n) nodded. He’d found Bucky. After months, his personal mission was over and a new one had formed. She understood – Steve’s next self-assigned task was to be with Bucky, help him heal. 

“Then let’s begin your education, soldiers!” 

Bucky did a double take when he realized he was being included in this. _How many years have I missed?_ he thought to himself. _Steve said 70_ , his mind reeled trying to comprehend the situation. Not only did he have an entire life to piece together, he had 7 decades to learn about. 

“Bucky...Bucky…” he finally realized (Y/n) was calling his name. “It’s gonna be okay. We’re just going to watch a movie,” she gave him a disarming smile. She had seen the distant and fearful look in Bucky’s eyes and it made her stomach turn. 

So began a lazy three days. There was little talking outside of the occasional question Bucky or Steve had for (Y/n) on whatever movie or show was playing. (Y/n) often dozed leaning against Bucky and it did not go unnoticed by Steve who would watch for Bucky’s reaction whenever he saw her eyes start to drift closed. 

By the time evening came around, (Y/n) was usually already fast asleep from the pain medication. Rather than risk hurting her or waking her up, Steve would signal for Bucky to stay and would leave the two to rest. 

One night, (Y/n) rolled to her side, freeing Bucky. He froze, unsure if he should stay now that he could leave without hurting or waking her. Slowly he pushed himself to the edge of the bed before walking over to the floor on (Y/n)’s side of the bed. He lay there listening to (Y/n)’s steady breathing, alert for any danger. 

“Bucky?” he heard her murmur his name in the early morning hours. Pushing himself up on his elbow, Bucky peered up at (Y/n), her eyes still closed. He almost lay back down when he heard his name a second time, more urgently. Carefully, he moved closer to the bed, propping himself on his elbow while he reached up with his hand to touch (Y/n)’s. Her fingers closed around his and she let out a deep breath. Bucky wasn’t sure if she had even woken up, but he lay there on the floor, with his arm up and over the side of the bed, his hand held fast by (Y/n)’s.

By the beginning of the fourth day, even (Y/n) was beginning to go stir crazy. She had noticed Bucky becoming increasingly restless, she could only imagine what sitting in once place for so long would feel like for him. 

Walking in to the kitchen, (Y/n) looked over at Bucky who’s leg was bouncing anxiously. Steve was working silently to finish making breakfast once again, casting worried glances in Bucky’s direction. There was too must stress built up in the apartment.

“Why don’t you two get out of here for a while?” (Y/n) offered suddenly. Steve looked up, surprised by her comment while Bucky looked horrified by her suggestion. He looked over to Steve to ensure that he wasn’t considering taking (Y/n)’s offer.

“Might not be a bad idea, Buck,” Steve said. Before Bucky could voice his objections, (Y/n) spoke up.

“I think we could all use a little bit of a break,” (Y/n) tried to encourage Bucky who’s shoulders were tense as he looked back and forth between Steve and (Y/n). 

“Steve can go, I’ll stay,” Bucky said firmly. (Y/n) rolled her eyes and leaned on the counter. 

“Bucky, I’m not saying you have to leave for the whole day, jeez. I’ll be fine for a couple of hours. Go for a run or to the gym. For goodness sakes you need to get rid of some of that energy,” she said pointing to his restless leg. Bucky stilled his foot but still didn’t look inclined to leave. “Please? A girl needs some time to herself too,” she chuckled and Bucky looked over at Steve.

“The lady has a point, Buck,” he said wiping his hands on a dish cloth. 

Bucky looked down at his hands, clenching his jaw. He didn’t like the idea of being out in public, let alone with a public figure like Steve. _What if they find me? What if they find **her**? Last time I left…_ Bucky’s thoughts ran away as he shook his head no and stood. 

“Please, Bucky?” (Y/n) tilted her head back to look up at him. Bucky grit his teeth together and looked at the floor.

“An hour,” Bucky’s tone left no room for compromise as he pushed past (Y/n) to change into sweats and running shoes Steve had made sure to get for him. (Y/n) and Steve’s eyes met and Steve gave her a slight shrug. 

(Y/n) sat in the kitchen until the two men finally closed the door. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She wasn’t sure she could take much more of the two men hovering; one out of fear and guilt, one out of duty bound worry. 

One hour. That’s all (Y/n) had. She’d been bed bound for long enough. _The doctor said moving was important, it’ll help me heal faster…_ she said to herself as she eyed the treadmill in the corner. 

“Just a short walk. That’s all I need, just to move for a bit,” (Y/n) said as she slipped on her sneakers and walked towards the machine, pulling off her tee shirt leaving her in a sports bra and sweats. Up until now, Bucky had insisted on being at her side whenever she moved from one place to another, his hands ever ready to support her if she needed it. (Y/n) had smiled at his concern, especially when he told her she needed to work up to walking alone. _When did he become an authority on rehabilitation?_ (Y/n) had thought to herself on many occasions. His daily inspection of her incision was another quirk she had come to enjoy. She would watch his eyes as he looked carefully, running his fingertips lightly near the skin checking for what she had no idea. Today, however, she got to be independent. _For an hour at least,_ (Y/n) reminded herself.

Her walk started off fantastic. Slow, but consistent. (Y/n) smiled as she got to finally use her muscles, the feeling of being on the treadmill was the closest she had had to freedom for what felt like months. Slowly, she bumped the speed up, her slow pace now a brisk walk. (Y/n) anticipated the pain that would come with moving faster, but it never came. A smile came to her lips as she upped the speed once more, moving to a slight jog. Her grin widened and she felt like she was soaring. Carefully she moved her hands from stabilizing her on the treadmill to slowly pumping along her sides with each stride. 

It was then that everything went wrong with one misplaced step as her fatigue made itself known. Her knee buckled and (Y/n) quickly found herself falling onto the moving treadmill. With a curse, (Y/n) slid to the surface of the moving belt and was pushed backwards until she was on the ground. 

“Sonofabitch,” she moaned. Though she was now clear of the machine, (Y/n) began to panic. Unable to catch her breath, she leaned back against the wall, her hand instinctively going over her stomach to protect against the sharp pain there. 

Instead of easing, the pain grew, and suddenly (Y/n) couldn’t breathe against the shock of it. She sat, gasping for breath until she finally curled up over herself, pulling her knees in to her chest. _Just, have to relax,_ she tried to convince herself. When she heard the door open, (Y/n) nearly cried in relief. 

“(Y/n)?” she heard Steve say as he walked through the living room and kitchen. 

“Where is she?” Bucky’s voice was stern and alert as he suddenly began his own search around the apartment. 

It took only a moment for him to notice the running treadmill. He leapt over the couch and took two strides until he was kneeling in front of (Y/n), hands on her shoulders as he squared her up against the wall. 

“What did—“ he was about to berate her when he saw the fear and pain in her eyes. “(Y/n)? (Y/n) you need to calm down,” Bucky said gently, his demeanor changing completely. He took her hand and put it on his stomach while he put his on hers. “Slowly, breathe with me,” he instructed and took an exaggeratedly slow breath, nodding for her to do the same. (Y/n)’s eyes were locked on Bucky’s and through her panic, she nodded, panting, trying to control her breathing. “No, no, in through your nose, (Y/n),” Bucky nearly whispered. “Stevie, you gotta breathe or you’ll have a fit,” Bucky said, not noticing his slip. 

Steve had joined them realizing what must have happened. He stared at Bucky’s back, eyes wide with shock. (Y/n)’s eyes never left Bucky’s. Finally, after several long minutes of Bucky’s calm instructions, (Y/n) had her breathing under control, the pain in her side slowly subsiding. Only then did Bucky reach out and move her arm to look at her incision. The fall had managed to pop open several of her stitches. Fortunately, they were due to come out soon and there was very little bleeding. 

Wordlessly, Steve left and returned with a handful of gauze while Bucky leaned forward to cradle (Y/n) against himself, lifting her onto the couch. (Y/n) watched Bucky’s hands first while he took the gauze from Steve and cleaned the small amount of blood from her stomach and then took the tiny scissors and removed the rest of the stitches. His hands were efficient and soon (Y/n) was free of her stitches only to have surgical glue and steri-strips places over her healing wound. 

Bucky’s hands moved up to push the hair out of (Y/n)’s eyes. His face was a mix of worry, frustration, and something else…

“Chrissake, would you just learn to pace yourself? You’re as bad as Steve!” Bucky blurted out. 

Bucky froze, staring at (Y/n), his eyes unseeing as he found himself in an old musty apartment. 

_Steve sat on the floor in front of him, gasping for air and Bucky’s hands were on the small man’s shoulders._

_“What were you thinkin’ ya meatball?” Bucky said, concern filling his eyes. Steve opened his mouth to try and speak but he couldn’t get enough air. “No, just, here,” he held Steve’s slight hand to his chest. He took slow, deep breaths and Steve quickly latched onto the breathing pattern until he was able to get a lungful of air._

_“Thought I’d show ‘em up for once,” Steve gasped out, finally able to speak._

_“You’re an idiot,” Bucky rolled his eyes. “It’s gonna get you killed one day, you know that?” he scolded his best friend before standing and offering a hand down._

_“Least I’m not a walking bag of stupid,” Steve grumbled and Bucky slapped him on the back as they made their way to the door._

_“Come on, punk. Ma’s got dinner,” he said, closing the door behind them._

“Bucky?” (Y/n) whispered, looking at Bucky’s wide eyes as he took a ragged breath. 

Carefully, she sat up and cupped her hand to Bucky’s cheek. His eyes finally focused on her face. Leaning forward Bucky gripped the couch in front of him, reeling from unexpected memory. The feeling of (Y/n)’s thumb brushing over his cheek slowly brought him back to reality and he realized that she was brushing away a tear. 

Steve remained frozen, behind the couch, staring down at Bucky. His own heart was in his throat. Ever so slowly, Bucky’s gaze shifted from (Y/n) up to Steve.

“You…I know you…” Bucky’s voice was thick. Steve nodded with a small smile.

“Damn right you do, jerk,” he joked though his throat felt tight with emotion. 

“You were smaller,” Bucky said, brow furrowed in confusion. _How could the Steve in my memory be so different from the Steve in front of me?_ Steve only laughed and nodded once.

“Yeah, Buck, I was a lot smaller,” he said. 

“How?”

“That’s a long story,”

(Y/n) sat up and looked between the two men. They needed to talk, Bucky desperately needed answers, and she was exhausted from her stupidity earlier. Giving Bucky’s shoulder a sympathetic and encouraging squeeze, she moved to stand and give them some privacy. This certainly wasn’t going to be an easy talk from what little she knew about the situation. Bucky’s hand immediately grasped (Y/n)’s and she looked down at him while he remained kneeling by the couch. 

“Please don’t leave,” he whispered. 

(Y/n) glanced back to Steve who gave her a slight nod. _I can’t…how did I end up in the middle of all of this?_ she thought to herself but the pleading look in Bucky’s eyes banished her worries. 

“Okay, Bucky,” (Y/n) whispered and sat on the couch, gently tugging on Bucky’s hand for him to move off of the floor and take a spot next to her. Steve sat on the couch and Bucky turned to face him, holding (Y/n)’s hand in his lap. She put her other hand on Bucky’s back, letting him know she was right there, behind him. 

“Where do I start?” Steve said raising his eyebrows as he looked down at his hands in his lap. 

He had thought through this conversation over and over again, going through what he’d say, what Bucky would say, each time differing slightly. He imagined Bucky suddenly remembering everything, that he’d magically have his best friend back, that everything would be better. Now that it came down to it, Steve was at a loss for words. 

Bucky stared at (Y/n)’s hand in his own, watching as her thumb gently stroked the back of his hand. The memory was so vivid, he had felt so protective of the small man who couldn’t breathe, like he was taking care of a brother. He looked up at the man who sat opposite of him now. The three had spent so much time together over the past few days. How could he not remember before now?

(Y/n) softly cleared her throat, breaking the tense silence.

“How about at the beginning, Steve?” she said quietly. Steve gave her a grateful smile. 

“As good a place as any,” Steve chuckled.

\--

(Y/n) sat with the two as Steve walked Bucky through the majority of their childhood and then through the beginning of World War II. For the most part she stayed silent, simply letting Bucky cling to her hand and occasionally putting her other hand on his shoulder. She was stunned by the stories Steve told. Everything from the antics the pair had gotten up to as kids to the extreme feats of bravery they pulled in the Army. 

Though she knew this must be difficult for the two of them to go through, she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pride at being one of the few people to hear the inns and outs of their friendship. That twinge of pride was accompanied by guilt at the feeling she was intruding on an incredibly private moment between friends. When she felt Bucky begin to relax, (Y/n) would gently pat his back and moved to stand up but Bucky’s fingers clutched at her hand and his head snapped up to look at her, eyes pleading. 

Bucky’s mind jumped from the memory Steve was describing to the look on (Y/n)’s face as she stood. When had he become so attached? Why did he feel grounded when she was there? He desperately wanted to ask her to stay once more. _I have no right,_ he thought to himself. 

As (Y/n) registered the look on Bucky’s face, she glanced over to Steve whose face was a mixture of worry and relief. They had been sitting for hours and the sun was starting to go down. (Y/n)’s legs were numb and the two soldiers looked emotionally drained. 

“Steve,” (Y/n) asked as she continued to look down at Bucky’s eyes. Slowly she turned her gaze to the blond. “Why don’t you two go to the Smithsonian exhibit,” she calmly suggested. Steve just shook his head as he glanced at his watch.

“Museum will be closed by the time we get there,” he replied with a shrug.

“Surely you have some connections. Going after hours might even be better, considering. No crowds, no one to recognize either of you,” (Y/n) gently prodded. Steve seemed to consider this carefully.

“It hasn’t helped, I’ve been there,” Bucky suddenly spoke up. Both Steve and (Y/n) turned their attention to the dejected man. “Nothing helps,” he pushed away from the couch and stormed off. Steve stood to go after him and (Y/n) reached out, grabbing his hand to stop him. 

“Give him a minute,” (Y/n) said with a sad smile. Steve sat back down on the couch, turning to face (Y/n), holding the hand she had used to stop him. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for what you’re doing for Buck,” Steve said as he continued to look down at (Y/n)’s hand. He marveled at how small and soft it was compared to his. 

His thumb rubbed absently against her knuckles as he thought back to how her presence managed to calm and reassure Bucky. How did she do it? How did she manage to ease the tension in the room with a witty remark or a perfectly timed smile? How could she read the two and change topics just as things became uncomfortable? Why had he refused to meet her so many times? 

“Steve, I’m afraid I’m not doing anything,” (Y/n) laughed quietly, “I’m just here,” she added.

“Regardless,” he finally looked up to her eyes, “Thank you. I know it has been hell for you, but, without you,” Steve trailed off. How could he say that without her being kidnapped and brutally beaten and traumatized by some gang of thugs that Steve might never have reconnected with Bucky. That even if they had found Bucky, the chance that he’d trust Steve was little to none. How could he thank her for that?

“It’s okay, Steve,” (Y/n) leaned forward and hugged him. The release of tension that one hug gave was palpable. Bucky wasn’t the only one struggling, (Y/n) reminded herself. At the sound of glass breaking, (Y/n) and Steve both looked up and moved quickly towards the bedroom. 

Bucky was on his knees in front of the full length mirror, now shattered. Steve moved to go to Bucky when (Y/n) put her hand on his arm and shook her head. Instead, she slowly walked into the room and knelt next to Bucky. He didn’t move a muscle, even as she picked up his right hand, knuckles sliced up and bloody from punching the mirror. Ever so carefully she pulled a shard out of his knuckles and wrapped a hand towel around them. 

“You should be terrified of me,” Bucky said sadly. “God what did I do to you…” he pushed away and stood up, putting both hands to his head as he turned his back to (Y/n). 

“I’d have thought that after all that Steve just told you, you’d know that you’re not someone to fear,” (Y/n) said, wincing as she stood up. Bucky just turned and leveled a glare at her. “Don’t look at me that way,” she raised her eyebrows and folded her arms. “Is the man who put his life on the line fighting alongside Captain America, who gave his life fighting for what he believed in, who took care of me today really a monster to fear?” (Y/n) leaned forward, done with her lecture. Bucky narrowed his eyes and stepped forward, grabbing (Y/n)’s wrists. 

“You mean the monster who threatened your life and put you in harm’s way to begin with?” he growled and (Y/n) stared up with wide eyes. “See,” he smirked and let go, stalking away.

“James Buchanan Barnes don’t you dare take one more step,” (Y/n)’s voice rang out. She was stunned that she managed to stop Bucky in his tracks. The only light in the room came from the streetlights and (Y/n) could only just make out Bucky’s silhouette. Carefully, she approached him. “Bucky,” she said putting her hand on his forearm. He turned and looked down at her hand, refusing to meet her eyes. “It’s been a long day. Just get some sleep now,” she whispered. 

Bucky nodded stiffly and (Y/n) walked him over to the bed. He pulled his shirt over his head as (Y/n) pulled the covers back, letting him climb in. (Y/n) did her best not to show the twinge of pain stretching out over Bucky to pull the coverlet back over him caused. She let her fingers drift over Bucky’s resting on top of the blanket before stepping away. 

“(Y/n),” she heard her name and turned back to Bucky who was sitting up once more. He worked his jaw, trying to find words. “Stay with me?” it was his turn to need her to stay with _him_ through the night. (Y/n) worked to carefully school her face to one of calm comfort and nod. 

(Y/n) walked to the other side of the bed and slid under the blankets. She was surprised when instead of curling up behind her Bucky pulled her to face him, hiding his face against her neck. (Y/n) brought her hand up and ran it through his hair and whispered goodnight, continuing run her fingers up and down his back to sooth him. Neither noticed the slight _click_ as Steve shut the door, an unreadable look on his face as he went to the couch for the night.

“It’s going to be okay,” (Y/n) whispered, her lips moving against Bucky’s hair as she felt his arm tighten around her waist. 

“Why can’t I remember it all?” Bucky’s throat tightened and (Y/n) felt a hot tear drop against her skin. 

“Give it some time,” she said against his head. Bucky pulled his head back and looked at (Y/n).

“How can you be so calm?” he asked, propping himself on his elbow so he was looking down at (Y/n). 

(Y/n) simply shrugged and reached up touch Bucky’s cheek with her fingertips. Bucky closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, turning his head to kiss her palm. (Y/n)’s breath hitched at the unexpected show of affection, but Bucky left his lips against her palm, kissing it once more. Slowly, Bucky’s eyes opened and he looked down at (Y/n). He glanced down at her lips, his eyes looking far away until he was able to drag his gaze back to her eyes. 

“You should sleep,” he said quietly. (Y/n) nodded though neither of them moved for what seemed an eternity. Finally, Bucky laid down next to (Y/n), carefully pulling her to him so her head was resting on his chest and her hand was on his stomach. Bucky felt his heart race at the feeling of (Y/n)’s hand moving to his side as her leg hooked over one of his. He lay there awake until he felt (Y/n) relax as she drifted off to sleep. “Goodnight, (Y/n)” he whispered and finally let his eyes drift closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Likes? Dislikes? help me with some feedback! I love you all so much and thank you for sticking with me through the long waits between updates! You are all amazing, the support you guys provide is beyond words and I cannot thank you enough! Much love <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh my goodness it is time for another chapter! And it's a doozy, well at least it was for me! Talk about an emotionally draining writing experience -- but it was so worth it. I'm pretty happy with this chapter and I really hope you guys enjoy it!

Bucky’s restless tossing and turning woke (Y/n) up in the early morning hours. (Y/n) rubbed her eyes, trying to wipe the sleep away before she propped herself up to look over at Bucky. A sheen of sweat covered his face and his eyes were closed. She was just about to wake Bucky when he became still. It was more than (Y/n) could hope for that he’d be able to fall into a peaceful sleep, and just as she was about to close her eyes once more she heard Bucky start to mumble in his sleep.

_”Sergeant 32557, Barnes…”_ he rattled off his military identification over and over. 

(Y/n)’s brow creased in concern as she finally reached over to put her hand on Bucky’s arm to wake him. He didn’t flinch at the contact but neither did he wake. (Y/n) pressed more firmly on his arm. “Bucky, Bucky wake up,” she said softly.

Bucky’s head rolled towards the sound of (Y/n)’s voice. “Steve?” he groaned, eyes still closed. (Y/n) wasn’t sure if he was awake or still wandering through dreams and memories.

“No, Bucky. It’s me. It’s (Y/n),” she gently squeezed his arm until she saw his eyes open.

“(Y/n)?” 

“Yea,” (Y/n) smiled in an effort to comfort him, “I’m here.”

“How?” Bucky’s eyes finally opened, “You shouldn’t be here. Did they get you too? You need to get to Steve. He’ll… he’ll,” Bucky half sat up and gripped (Y/n)’s upper arm with his left. At the sight of his hand, Bucky faltered. “What…what did they do to me? Oh my God,” he held his left hand in front of his face as his eyes worked their way up to where the metal was joined with his shoulder.

“Bucky! Bucky, you have to calm down,” (Y/n) reached forward to hold the sides of Bucky’s head, forcing him to look at her. “You were dreaming, you’re safe,” she insisted. Bucky gripped her wrists in his hands as he took deep breaths trying to calm down and ground himself in her presence.

“The Nazis—“

“Were defeated a long time ago,” she assured him. “The war is over. You can sleep,” (Y/n)’s voice was little more than a whisper as she ran her fingers through Bucky’s hair, pushing it back from his sweaty forehead. Bucky gave one short nod before his eyes glazed over. “Did you remember something?” (Y/n) took a slow breath, forcing herself to stay calm. Bucky gave another nod, his eyes seeing things that weren’t there. “I’ll go get Steve,” (Y/n) said and pushed away only to find Bucky’s hand holding her fast.

“Not right now,” Bucky stared at (Y/n) until she finally laid back down.

(Y/n) pulled the covers back up to her waist and turned on her side to face Bucky. Bucky took her hand once more though his eyes didn’t meet hers. His face was haunted with the fragmented memories that were finally making their way to the surface of his mind. “Will you talk to him tomorrow?” 

When (Y/n) had finally decided that Bucky wasn’t going to answer her, she glanced at the clock and then closed her eyes. It was too early to get up; the sun had barely made an appearance. 

“I’ll talk with him,” Bucky finally said and rolled on his side, pulling her arm around him so he could hold her hand to his chest.

(Y/n) didn’t say a word. Bucky’s grip on her hand was tight even as they lay in silence. She hoped Bucky would fall back asleep but he remained stiff, his breathing quick and shallow, his back straight. Finally, after half an hour of the uncomfortable silence, (Y/n) scooted herself closer to Bucky so her chest was touching his back. Some of the tension began to ease out of his body. 

Bucky’s breath almost caught when he felt (Y/n) put her forehead against the back of his neck. He could feel the tip of her nose and her lips barely brush his skin. It wasn’t long after he felt (Y/n)’s arm go slack as she drifted off that Bucky’s eyes began to grow heavy. He let himself fall asleep only when he felt (Y/n)’s deep even breaths against his back.

Bucky and (Y/n) slept for several more hours before (Y/n) awoke again. (Y/n) had to carefully ease her arm from around Bucky to get up without disturbing him. _I’m glad he’s still asleep, he needs it,_ she thought as she backed out of the room, closing the door silently. 

“Morning,” Steve’s voice came from behind (Y/n) and she jumped, putting a hand over her heart.

“Steve, you scared me!” (Y/n) whispered closing her eyes. 

Steve looked sheepish but offered a piece of toast covered in jam as recompense. (Y/n) sat down and took the toast. After eating a few bites, (Y/n)’s hand froze midway to her mouth with the toast.

“He had a memory last night. Early this morning rather,” she said before taking another bite, watching Steve. “Maybe more than one, he didn’t really tell me,” (Y/n) added, brushing her palms clean of crumbs. 

Steve leaned forward in his chair, stuck between eagerness and worry about Bucky’s condition. “Did he say what it was?”

(Y/n) shook her head. “But he did say that he was willing to talk to you today.” Steve’s shoulders sagged in relief before he began to second guess himself. 

“I really don’t want to force anything on him,” he frowned and looked down at his hands, folded in his lap. 

(Y/n) rolled her eyes. For two grown men they certainly were prone to dancing around issues instead of facing them. “Steve, he’s confused. He needs you to help him through this whether either of you want to admit it or not,” (Y/n) scolded. “You’re the only one who can help him piece this puzzle together. Do you really think it’s a coincidence that he remembered something the night after you two talked?” (Y/n) was visibly annoyed.

Steve matched (Y/n)’s look. “He also had a memory when you were on the floor yesterday,” he quirked an eyebrow in challenge before he wiped his hand over his face. “(Y/n), every time I’ve tried to push, to force him…it ends in destruction on a colossal scale and it has gotten us nowhere. Watching you with him,” Steve sighed and leaned back in his chair, “you treat him like he’s normal, and he’s responding to that. Probably more than you realize.” He waited for (Y/n) to say something but when she remained silent he continued. “I figure if I treat him like I used to, even if he doesn’t get anything else back at the very least he won’t get worse.”

(Y/n) considered what Steve said carefully. She picked up the pot of coffee on the table and poured herself a mug and held it in both hands in front of her mouth. 

“And as he remembers more? What then?” (Y/n) asked before taking a sip.

Steve chucked and shook his head. “We’ll just go from there, (Y/n). We gotta take it one day at a time right now.” 

He was so calm. How could he be so calm? Bucky was sleeping in the next room, having half memories, dreaming of a lifetime ago, HYDRA was still a force to be reckoned with, and Brett was God knows where doing only God knows what. _Brett…_

“What about when Brett—“

“One problem at a time too, (Y/n)” Steve raised his eyebrows as a small smile briefly passed over his face. “Brett isn’t due back for another week at least, if not two.” Steve looked down at his hands and how tightly he gripped one inside the other. He rotated his wrist once, twice, three times and a soft _pop_ followed. “He’s very protective of you,” Steve said, thinking out loud.  
(Y/n) laughed and set her coffee down on the table. “Who? Bucky or Brett?” she smirked.

“Both. I can see why though,” he glanced up at (Y/n). (Y/n) only blushed and pushed her hair behind her ear.

“I should probably start thinking about getting home. I’ve kicked you out of your bed long enough,” (Y/n) laughed awkwardly.

“Are you sure? Will you be alright on your own?” 

“Where are you going?” Bucky asked from behind Steve and (Y/n), standing in the bedroom doorway.

“I’m just thinking it’s time I start getting back home. Back to life. I have a lot to take care of—paperwork to do, professors to contact to see if I can salvage anything from the semester,” (Y/n) half smiled. “I’m gonna go grab a shower. You guys could use some time to talk I think.”

With that, (Y/n) walked off towards the bathroom, two supersoldiers staring after her, dumbfounded by her exit.

“I don’t like the idea of her being alone,” Bucky said first from his spot in the doorway.

“Of course you wouldn’t,” Steve sighed and shook his head with a smirk.

\--

Brett typed furiously on his laptop as the quinjet approached the landing site. The old abandoned airport made for a convenient place to house the remnants of SHIELDs agents. It was a temporary solution to a serious issue. Where would those devoted to the task of hunting down and destroying HYDRA congregate after the physical and metaphorical destruction of SHIELD?

As soon as the quinjet touched down, Brett was on his feet, laptop tucked under his arm and backpack over his shoulder. He jogged to the control tower and sat down at the first free computer station to print his mission report. It was only another quick detour to get the file dropped onto his superior’s desk before he began contacting the team tasked with finding (Y/n). He had already tried his and (Y/n)’s home number and her cell phone without any luck.

“Ron? Yea, it’s Brett. No I just got back,” he said into the phone, looking around at the sparse number of people around the tower. “I’ll catch you up later. No! Shut up for a minute. What’s the status on my sister? Did you find her? I’m ready to head back out now—what do you mean I should talk to Steve? What’s the status on (Y/n)?” There was silence on the other end of the phone. “That’s not an answer Ron!” 

Brett nearly threw his phone when he was told once again he needed to contact Steve. 

“Everything alright there, champ?” Natasha said, eyebrows raised at Brett’s scowl.

“Ron won’t tell me if they’ve found (Y/n) or not, and I can’t access the file,” Brett said through gritted teeth. “He just said to find Steve. What does that mean?”

Natasha pursed her lips. “Well, I’d say that means you need to find Steve.” Brett fumed at Natasha’s response.

“This isn’t funny, Romanov,” he growled and Natasha shrugged.

“Didn’t say it was. Now you can sit here and pout, or you could try to find someone who will tell you what’s going on, or—“ she folded her arms, “you could go find Steve. Considering he’s the one who was leading the task force to find (Y/n), I think that’s going to be your best bet.”

Staring at Natasha, Brett pulled his phone back out and dialed Steve’s number. There was no answer and Brett swore. He was several hours outside of DC and Steve could be anywhere. He hoped Steve was with (Y/n). Brett had too many options- stay and try to talk to as many people as he could who would be in a position to have information about (Y/n) and risk wasting hours of time if each had the same reaction Ron did, he could drive to Steve’s place and chance whether he’d be there or not, or drive around DC hoping to find someone, anyone who knew about (Y/n).

“What are you going to do?” Natasha asked.

In answer, Brett grabbed his keys and ran towards his car. “Steve’s, then my place, then canvasing the city myself,” he shouted over his shoulder. 

Several hours later Brett pulled into Steve’s driveway. In one swift motion he had turned off the car and opened the door and was soon running to the door. Pounding on the door, Brett also had his cell phone in his hand, prepared to call Steve if he didn’t answer. Brett had the number dialed but before he could hit send the door opened.

“Brett? What are you-“ Steve asked before the distraught young man pushed his way through the door. “You aren’t due back for another week, what happened?”

“Copy of the mission report is on your desk at the AirTower, ask Romanov for details. They won’t tell me anything about (Y/n). Did you find her? She still isn’t answering her phone—“ Brett began firing questions at Steve, not allowing him any time to answer. “Steve, is she okay? Did you find her?” he grabbed Steve’s arm, his eyes wide with worry. 

“Brett, calm down. Yes, she’s alive, I just dropped her off at your place, she’s alright. She’s got a long road—“ he started but Brett was already out the door.

“Damnit,” Steve swore, grabbing his keys and chasing after Brett as he pulled out of the driveway and sped towards the house he and his sister shared. 

\--

“Are you sure you want to stay here? Wouldn’t you do better at Steve’s?” (Y/n) asked after Steve had dropped her and Bucky off at her home. 

Bucky and Steve had had a long talk. (Y/n) made sure of that, taking as long as she could in the shower and then sitting in the bathroom after, waiting for a lull in the conversation. Bucky appeared more confident but she could tell Steve was uncertain about leaving Bucky with her alone. Whether he was worried about her safety, Bucky’s safety, or was a bit hurt Bucky chose to leave instead of stay was anyone’s guess. Steve hid those thoughts away carefully as soon as the decision was made to take (Y/n) home. 

“Yea…yea I’m sure, (Y/n),” Bucky said standing awkwardly in the doorway. 

“Well,” (Y/n) glanced back and forth trying to find something to fill the silence, “You can use Brett’s room until he’s back. Steve said it’ll be at least a week.” 

Bucky frowned but nodded once. 

“I’ll probably just take the couch,” he said taking a few steps into the house following (Y/n). 

“That’s fine too,” (Y/n) said and then turned to look back at Bucky. “Unless you’d feel better in with me?” she offered immediately mentally berating herself for the offer. _Unstable amnesiac who abducted you, (Y/n)_ she thought to herself. _Who also saved you, has worried over you, and who has slept next to you more nights than not over the past week_. The situation was anything but simple. 

“At least take me to dinner first, doll,” Bucky’s cheeky grin made (Y/n) blush as a smile came to her lips. She shook her head and took a step back towards the kitchen.

“What am I gonna do with you, Barnes?” she laughed and he followed, the tension draining from the room. (Y/n) opened the fridge and leaned in, grimacing at the sight and smell. “Well, food options are limited,” she declared and started pulling the garbage can over. 

Bucky easily lifted it and set it beside the fridge. As (Y/n) started emptying out the spoiled food, Bucky helped. The fridge was soon empty and (Y/n) took the offensive trash bag and set it outside while (Y/n) sprayed down the shelves. 

“That’s done at least,” (Y/n) said before swaying. She caught herself on the counter but Bucky’s hand was instantly around her waist to steady her. 

“I think you’ve done enough for one day,” he said and (Y/n) gave a slight nod of agreement. 

Her hand was gripping Bucky’s upper arm in support as Bucky began leading her toward the couch. Bucky briefly considered carrying her-it would make the journey faster and more comfortable for (Y/n). Instead though, he kept his arm around her waist and let her lean against him. (Y/n) was making good progress, something in Bucky was hesitant to take that away from her. 

Once (Y/n) was safely laying on the couch, Bucky looked around and put a small throw pillow under her head. (Y/n) gave him a small smile.

“Careful, Bucky, you’re going to spoil me,” she smirked and Bucky froze. 

Was he doing too much? This must be abnormal. She was still so weak, certainly not as weak as before but…still. He was kneeling beside the couch, looking down at (Y/n) while she studied the myriad of expressions that passed across his face. Confusion, fear, worry, anger. 

“What is it, Bucky?” (Y/n) finally asked. 

Bucky stared down at her, brow furrowed in thought. “I—I don’t know how to be around you,” he whispered. The corner of (Y/n)’s mouth twitched into a small smile. 

“You’ve been around me almost nonstop for the past few weeks. You’d think you’d have that part figured out,” (Y/n) said as she let her eyes flick up to meet Bucky’s.

Bucky quickly closed his eyes and looked away. (Y/n) reached her hand up to touch his arm and then let her hand cup the side of his cheek as she had the night before. She felt him lean in to her touch until he finally looked down at her again. The look on his face was unreadable. Bucky’s hand reached out to brush (Y/n)’s hair from her face and his eyes locked on her lips. 

(Y/n)’s heart raced as she felt Bucky lean forward and soon his face was mere inches from hers. Her hand never left Bucky’s cheek. His nose brushed hers and his fingertips traced her jaw. 

“(Y/n),” Bucky whispered, watching as her eyes fluttered closed. His followed and he dipped his head once more, letting his lips barely touch hers. Bucky’s hand moved to hold the back of (Y/n)’s head when the door burst open.

“(Y/n)!” Brett called out once. He froze in the entry way, seeing (Y/n) laid out on the couch with the Winter Soldier bending over her. “(Y/n)!” he shouted again taking quick steps towards the couch.

In an instant (Y/n) was sitting up and pushed herself to her feet, Bucky steadying her. Tears welled up in her eyes as she saw her brother finally. He was no longer looking at her though. 

“Get away from her!” Brett yelled picking up speed. Bucky’s eyes went dark as he saw the threat fast approaching. 

_Protect yourself, threat imminent,_ his mind went blank. _No,_ Bucky thought, _Protect **her**_ he thought as he stepped in front of (Y/n). Brett was on him in that split second, one of his hands pushing (Y/n) back and out of the way, the other reaching for his gun.

Bucky quickly grabbed Brett’s gun in his left hand, squeezing once to turn the weapon into nothing more than a hunk of metal. Fury washed over Brett and he dove at Bucky, who side stepped, turning to keep the threat in front of him. He took deliberate steps away from (Y/n). She was still on the ground and part of his mind worried for her but his immediate task continued to charge at him. 

With a shout, Brett swung at Bucky who easily pushed Brett’s fist past him, leaning out of the way. Bucky fought every urge he had to put down this threat in one easy hit. The man in front of him fought erratically. It would be so easy. 

Brett pulled a knife out of his boot and slashed at Bucky’s side. As Bucky turned once more, Brett slipped his knee behind Bucky’s and stepped forward, wrenching Bucky’s knee. The pain registered vaguely, though his face became a mask of calm. 

“Stop!” (Y/n) managed to squeak once and in that split second, Bucky was distracted and Brett landed a hit to Bucky’s side. The white fabric was quickly stained red and while (Y/n)’s eyes went wide, Bucky seemed to not notice. 

Brett picked up a paperweight from the table and threw it at Bucky, immediately followed by his knife. With a quick lean and a duck, Bucky managed to avoid both weapons but by the time he looked up Brett was already tackling him to the ground. The lack of grace and technique Brett had was more than made up for with his anger and drive. This was the man that took his sister, that destroyed everything he had worked for in his life, and that had done unspeakable things in the name of HYDRA. 

Bucky deflected blow after blow until he snapped. He knew this man would never back down, and would continue to be a threat until he was neutralized. In one swift motion, Bucky knocked Brett backwards but before he could fall, grabbed his throat with his metal arm. Slowly, he raised him into the air, Brett’s feet dangling and kicking uselessly. 

_Kill him_ the Winter Soldier whispered in his mind. Bucky weakly batted away the thought. _Kill him! Eliminate the threat, Soldier!_ Bucky’s right hand went to his head as he winced. _Complete the mission,_ the Winter Soldier hissed. Before he could squeeze his hand he heard Steve shout from behind him.

“Bucky, no!” Steve was running towards Bucky.

_Bucky, I’m Bucky,_ Bucky’s eyes went wide and he took several gasping breaths. _(Y/n), where’s (Y/n)?_ he dropped Brett who crumpled to the floor, gulping in air as fast as he could. 

“Brett, stop, what are you thinking?” Steve said, grabbing the man from behind as he stood to attack Bucky once more.

“Get off of me, Steve!” Brett fought in vain against Steve’s arms wrapped over his own, clasped around his chest. “He’s the traitor that too my sister! Who knows what he did to her! She could’ve been killed!” he shouted and Steve took a few steps back, dragging Brett with him.

“Then how come you’re the one I have to hold back right now?” Steve said calmly. “Stand. Down. Brett.” He ordered and Brett threw his arms up and stepped away, chest heaving as he stared at Bucky.

Bucky on the other hand took several slow deep breaths. Forcing himself to calm down. It was easiest to slip back into being the Winter Soldier. Composed, calculating, efficient. His eyes flicked over to where (Y/n) was on the ground, now sitting with her arm wrapped around her side. Slowly, carefully, Bucky walked over to (Y/n) and knelt next to her.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly. Steve had to grab Brett’s arm before he could lung at Bucky again.

“Don’t you dare talk to her!” Brett shouted. 

(Y/n) ignored her brother though it hurt her to her core. He was out of his mind right now. “I’m okay,” she said and Bucky began to slowly check her over. Nothing had been reinjured. Old wounds had been aggravated though and that was painful enough for her. Bucky’s eyes never left (Y/n), even when her hand went to his side that was bleeding.

“This is deep,” she said. Bucky didn’t respond, he simply watched her. (Y/n)’s eyes filled with tears as she finally looked over at her brother. 

Brett realized for the first time that he had shoved her away. He brought his hand to his mouth before wiping it up over his face and through his hair. Bucky, reached down to take (Y/n)’s hand and helped her to her feet with a steadying hand on her waist. 

“(Y/n),” Brett said, his eyes filled with the apology that he couldn’t put into words. 

(Y/n) looked back and forth between Bucky and Brett and then stepped away. She walked to the stairwell and then up to her room without looking back.

“You two,” Steve ordered. “You, that corner. You that corner,” he set the two men on opposite sides of the room. “Do not talk, do not look at one another, until I get back. Understood?” Both men reflexively nodded in response to the order and took their places. 

Steve followed (Y/n) up the stairs, glancing in each room he passed until he found (Y/n). She sat and stared, her eyes unseeing as she thought over what just happened. Steve sat wordlessly beside her. When she didn’t move or say anything, he finally put his hand on her shoulder.

“Are you okay?” he asked and her eyes widened minutely. 

“I honestly have no idea,” she sighed. “You ever get in touch with that contact about the Smithsonian? Getting to take Bucky there while it’s closed some evening?” (Y/n) began to ramble. Steve just shook his head and put his arm around her shoulders. 

“Is that what you’re honestly thinking about right now?” he said and she just shook her head.

“I wasn’t expecting that kind of greeting,” (Y/n) whispered. Steve gave her shoulders a squeeze and let her head fall to his shoulder. 

“I can take Bucky back with me if you want, or Brett, or both for that matter,” (Y/n) could feel the deep rumble of his voice more than she could hear it. 

(Y/n) took a steadying breath. “I don’t know if Bucky would agree to being alone with you yet. And Brett might stroke out if you take him and leave Bucky here with me.”

“So both go,” Steve nodded at the simple solution. 

(Y/n) didn’t think that a feeling worse than the one she experienced in the warehouse could exist. Seeing her brother respond like he did wounded her to the core. _He wanted so much to protect me_ she thought, _that he lost himself, that wasn’t Brett,_ tears began to well up in her eyes. (Y/n) thought back to the moment before Brett came in the door. She wasn’t sure how she felt about what was happening. Bucky…Bucky had attached himself to her, but was that a good thing?

“Let Bucky stay,” (Y/n)’s voice was barely audible. Steve stiffened slightly. That would not go over well with Brett. 

“Alright, but you know Brett might refuse to leave you alone with Bucky,” he warned.

“Brett is my brother, not my parent. We already discussed the fact that Bucky wouldn’t stay with you. Not yet at least,” she was quick to add. 

“Alright, you stay here. I’ll take care of it,” Steve said quietly, rubbing (Y/n)’s shoulders once more. He turned his head to the side and hesitated. Her head was still leaning on his shoulder, close to him. Leaning down, he placed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. 

By the time Bucky appeared in the doorway, (Y/n) had heard some of the argument downstairs. It was clear when Brett and Steve left. _Brett will probably stay with Steve, that’s good. Steve probably shouldn’t be alone right now either,_ (Y/n) thought before she noticed Bucky standing there.

“Are you okay?” he asked, finally taking a step into the room. 

“Nothing that some of that medicine won’t fix,” (Y/n) tried to pass off the last hour with the witty remark. Bucky knelt in front of her, reaching for her hands. 

“That’s not what I meant,” Bucky looked up at (Y/n) who fought back tears.

“That’s not how that was supposed to go. He’s my brother, he, we’re close, Bucky, really close. We’re all we’ve got, and he lost his God-Damned mind down there,” she covered her mouth and Buck pulled her to him. “What about you?” (Y/n) asked pulling back and wiping the first of the tears that fell. “He hurt you,” she leaned forward to inspect his side again.

Bucky laughed, “Only ‘cause he fought dirty, I got distracted,” he smirked. 

“You could’ve killed him,” (Y/n) said absently, pulling Bucky’s shirt up so she could see the cut better. Bucky tossed the ruined shirt to the corner. 

“In any other circumstances I probably would have,” Bucky admitted, brow furrowing when he felt (Y/n) hesitate. As she pulled out some gauze and tape Bucky reached down to her chin to tilt her head up to meet his gaze. “I’m _not_ a traitor,” he said his eyes staring intently at her. “I’m not, (Y/n), I swear I’m not a traitor.” 

(Y/n) nodded and put her hand over Bucky’s that was now on her cheek. “I know, Bucky,” she looked away to finish bandaging his side. When she finished she stood, throwing the trash away and going to get another shirt for Bucky. She stumbled slightly on her way back to her bed and Bucky was there in an instant to steady her once more.

“Too much excitement for one day, (Y/n),” he tried to let some humor into his voice. He pulled the covers back and helped ease (Y/n)’s head down to the pillow. Once again he let his fingertips brush along her jaw as his thumb lingered near her chin. 

He didn’t realize how close he had gotten to (Y/n) until neither could focus their eyes on one another. Before he knew what he was doing, Bucky pressed his lips to (Y/n)’s. All too quickly, Bucky pulled away, his eyes filled with concern that he had crossed one line too many. 

“I’ll go to the couch,” Bucky said as he stood. Before he could walk away (Y/n) took his hand. 

“It’s becoming a bit of a theme for each of us to ask the other to stay through the night. It would be a shame to break that now.”

At her comment the unspoken tension in the room dissipated and Bucky felt a grin tugging at his lips. 

“Truer words have never been said, doll,” Bucky smirked as he slipped under the covers next to (Y/n). “(Y/n)?” he said after the lights were out.

“Mmm?” she said, her eyes already drifting shut.

“May I hold you?” he asked and (Y/n) had to giggle. How could one man drift between oozing charisma and charm one minute to shy and unsure the next? Instead of answering, (Y/n) slid closer to him, and Bucky’s arm naturally slipped behind her as she put her head against his chest. 

“Goodnight,” Bucky said, letting his hand run through (Y/n)’s hair.

“Goodnight, Bucky.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think! I will likely go back and touch up the fight scene between Brett and Bucky, fight scenes are *extremely* hard for me to write for some reason. I wanted that to be a big deal, mostly with Bucky just avoiding Brett until Brett finally pissed him off enough (sort of like a big kid holding a smaller annoying kid back with a palm to their forehead). Anyways, a lot of stuff happened in this chapter! So very rewarding from THAT standpoint ha! I really hope you guys like that, it was a lot of fun to get all of that down and out of my head. Much love <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead!! Okay so now that summer is over my hours are getting back to normal which is awesome because it means I can write again! Like really write! I'm kind of out of practice so this chapter feels a bit forced but I just kinda went with it. Have to move the plot along, as much as I love writing fluff *sigh* though there is some fluff here ;)
> 
> I love you guys and your support is incredible!!! You're amazing and if you've taken the time to read this story, I cannot thank you enough!

It was the oddest sensation that woke Bucky; he felt a light flutter against his skin, barely touching it. (Y/n)’s head was resting against his chest. He could tell she was awake and he leaned his head to the side so he could see her face. With every blink, he saw her eyelashes graze his skin bringing with it that sensation. _Must be what woke me,_ he thought to himself. 

He studied (Y/n) for another minute, finally looking to where her eyes were fixed. His left hand was resting on his stomach holding onto her right hand. (Y/n)’s eyes were focused on his hand. 

Bucky’s stomach turned into a knot and his shoulders tensed enough that (Y/n) looked up, noticing that he was awake finally. The wariness (Y/n) saw in Bucky’s eyes confused her. She squeezed his hand in what she hoped was comfort but only caused his eyes to narrow. 

“What is it?” (Y/n) asked, frowning.

_She’s manipulating you, she can’t possibly care. Morbid fascination at best…_ before his mind could run with this train of thought, (Y/n) propped herself up on her other elbow, leaving her hand in his. Bucky couldn’t fathom what was going through this woman’s mind. Did she know what she was doing, holding the hand that had caused so much death and destruction? Laying against the man it was attached to? He looked pointedly down at where their hands were linked, resting on his stomach and then back to (Y/n).

It took (Y/n) a minute to understand. Finally she looked down at her hand.

“Oh,” (Y/n) said quietly. She pulled her hand away, mumbling an apology as she did so. Bucky sat up, still eyeing her warily. “I woke up and we were like that, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

It was true, that was how she found herself upon waking that morning—curled up against Bucky, his right arm wrapped around her back, his left hand holding hers. He had kissed her last night. Did that mean something different? He was still trying to figure out things, it was entirely possible he was mixing up emotions. Gratitude being mixed with romance…love? It wasn’t a stretch. Clearing her throat, (Y/n) pushed back slowly and started to get out of the bed. 

“I should get something together for us to have for breakfast. Maybe get some grocery shopping done—“ before she could stand, Bucky grabbed her arm. “What--?” (Y/n) started but Bucky shook his head. 

“Tell me what you were thinking about,” he stayed where he was, half propped up, face blank, eyes fixed on (Y/n). (Y/n) looked at Bucky, dumbfounded by his question and when he realized she was still confused he grabbed her hand with his left one once more. “This! What were you thinking about this!” He was aggressive, leaning forward as he insisted upon an answer.

“I’m sorry Bucky! I didn’t touch it – you on purpose. I just woke up like that!”

“But what were you _thinking_ ,” he said through gritted teeth, “while you were staring at it?”

Letting him stay had been a mistake. (Y/n) knew he was unstable but she still let him stay—even told Steve to have him stay. She had thought somehow he was getting better with her, because of her. Steve had said as much the other morning. How could she have been so naïve? She was a foolish girl who got taken in by blue yes, a little bit of charm, and some twisted bond that had somehow formed between them. (Y/n) took a shaky breath and let it out, trying to keep herself calm and more importantly, keep the threatening tears from falling.

“I was just thinking that,” (Y/n) took another breath as she collected her thoughts, “that it felt… _nice_ to be held—“ (Y/n) saw Bucky’s eyes soften the slightest bit before she focused on the bed spread in front of her, “by you,” she added in a whisper shaking her head, eyebrows raised in disbelief. She slowly slipped her arm out of Bucky’s grasp and stood. “I need to go get some breakfast,” she said and was gone.

Bucky stared at the empty doorway for a long time. Sounds from the kitchen drifted up followed by the smell of oatmeal. The entire situation was beyond him. She was just looking? No one ever just looked. His arm inspired fear, hate, and disgust. It wasn’t something to simply observe. 

Eventually he made his way down the stairs, stopping where he dropped the small duffel bag he had brought to pull on one of the tee shirts Steve had given him. Bucky stood in the doorway to the kitchen, watching (Y/n) make her way around until she settled at the table, her back to him. She hadn’t noticed him. 

He coughed as he stepped into the room- he didn’t want to startle (Y/n) by appearing out of nowhere. Hesitantly, Bucky pulled out a chair at the table and sat next to (Y/n). His brow was still furrowed as he searched for words. An apology? (Y/n) simply took another bite of her oatmeal, letting the silence drag on. She never forced conversation with him, something he had never realized he appreciated until now. 

“I’m…I’m sorry I interrogated you this morning,” Bucky finally broke the silence. Interrogate was the only word that accurately described his attitude-if it had been anyone other than (Y/n) he might have actually done something regrettable to get his answers more quickly. 

(Y/n) looked up from her breakfast and over to where Bucky sat, back straight and shoulders stiff. It wasn’t until she gave the slightest smile that he let out the breath he was holding. 

“Were you upset by the fact I was looking at your hand or that I was touching it?” she asked quietly.

Bucky hadn’t thought about that. He flipped his left hand over in his lap, looking down at it, examining it himself. “I’m not sure, both maybe,” he sighed.

“Honestly, I really wasn’t thinking about anything. More just,” she stirred her oatmeal absently as she sought the right words, “just enjoying the morning, the moment. I liked that you were holding my hand, even if it was in sleep,” (Y/n) laughed though it was little more than a huff of air. She couldn’t meet Bucky’s eyes. Letting him kiss her had been one thing, it was another thing entirely to admit out loud that she had liked it, liked being held by him.

“You liked that I was holding your hand?” he leaned forward searching (Y/n)’s face for any sign of sarcasm. When she smiled sadly down at her bowl and smiled, Bucky leaned forward grasping her hand with his right one. He waited until she finally met his eyes. “Why?”

(Y/n) raised an eyebrow. “Why did you kiss me?” she countered. Bucky couldn’t begin to answer that question for himself, let alone fine an answer that would explain his actions to (Y/n). Without an answer, (Y/n) picked her bowl up and rinsed it, setting it in the dishwasher. “I can get you something to eat if you’d—“ she turned only to find herself face to face with Bucky.

“I don’t know why I did,” he said quietly, “but I want to again.” 

Bucky wasn’t hesitant this time as he tilted (Y/n)’s head up with his fingers so he could kiss her. He stepped forward, sliding his left hand to the small of her back and let the fingertips of his right hand slide up and into (Y/n)’s hair to hold her to him. 

(Y/n) was taken aback by his forwardness. Could she do this? Not 20 minutes ago she was questioning and regretting allowing him to come into her home. Before she could over think what was happening, (Y/n) placed her hands tentatively on his chest and leaned forward. Bucky squeezed her tightly against him, nearly dropping her in surprise when she let out a yelp. His hands hovered near (Y/n)’s cheeks as he leaned back, searching her eyes for the problem.

“Rib,” (Y/n) raised a shoulder, her cheeks were bright pink. 

Bucky nodded grimly but before he could say anything (Y/n)’s phone went off. 

“I thought,” (Y/n) searched the room and found her cell phone charging in the corner. The screen was cracked but it was still usable. There was a text from Steve. “Brett must’ve found it after the wreck,” she mused turning it over in her hands. It had survived better than she would’ve thought. 

_(Y/n), Brett gave me your number-he said your cell was on and plugged in. I didn’t want to call you this early, but I wanted to let you know I got in touch with some friends like you suggested. I can bring Bucky to the Smithsonian tonight, we’re supposed to go an hour after closing. If you could let me know if Bucky will still go I’d really appreciate it. Thanks, Steve_

“Never thought I’d see the day I got a text message from Steve Rogers,” (Y/n) laughed and shook her head. “He says he can get you guys into the Smithsonian tonight after closing if you’re still willing. It might help,” (Y/n) added when she saw the hesitancy on Bucky’s face. “You said you’d talk with him.”

“I did. And I’ve been there, (Y/n). Nothing happened, or what did didn’t make any sense,” Bucky muttered and moved to the living room. 

(Y/n) followed and took his hand, pulling him to sit next to her on the couch. “Bucky, you didn’t have someone there to fill in the blanks. What the public sees is the white washed story. The details Steve can give you, it’ll be different.”

Bucky wasn’t convinced. He wasn’t sure he wanted to remember everything. From what he’d seen, he’d lost too much. 

“Why is it so important to everyone that I remember?” Bucky wiped a weary hand over his face. 

“Maybe we want you to know your value, to regain a friendship that you put your life on the line for. Isn’t that worth remembering?” (Y/n) challenged. Bucky simply raised an eyebrow. She never gave into his self-pity parties. (Y/n) pushed him. Steve still tiptoed around him but (Y/n), she was past using kid gloves. 

“I’ll go if you go with us,” he said folding his arms, watching (Y/n) carefully.

“Alright,” she agreed without hesitation, pulling out the cracked phone to text Steve back that Bucky would go and the condition that she go along too. Hopefully it didn’t bother Steve. (Y/n) doubted it would. Shortly after her phone buzzed with a reply text of when Steve would be there to pick them up. “Well, we have a day to kill. Would you like to continue your pop-culture education, Sergeant Barnes?” 

Bucky smiled and leaned back into the couch. Something about the way she said that, _Sergeant Barnes_ …he arched an eyebrow and let his arm drape over the back of the couch in an invitation for her to join him. 

“Only if you start some of that therapy the doctor said would be a good idea…” 

“Oh, now you’re making more bargains? Fine, after two episodes on Netflix,” she rolled her eyes indulgently and curled up against Bucky, pulling a throw blanket over the two of them.

“Sure thing, doll, sure thing.”

\--

“Brett!” 

“What?”

“Guess she found her phone,” Steve said walking into the living room where Brett was folding the blankets he had used the previous night.

“Good, should get her a new one soon. Can’t believe that one survived the wreck. What’d she say?”

“Bucky will go to the Smithsonian so long as she goes. It probably isn’t a bad idea, he’s much calmer when she’s around,” Steve said absently, ignorant of the tension that instantly filled Brett. 

Brett was still upset about yesterday. He loved his sister dearly, but she had chosen Bucky over him. Steve had pointed out that Brett hadn’t reacted to her in the best way. It was true. He’d messed up, he’d hurt his sister. He thought he was protecting her, then the _Winter Soldier_ went and protected her. _He only thought he was protecting her, she was never in danger, I’d never hurt her,_ Brett thought to himself before Steve said his name.

“You alright? You looked a little out of it,” Steve was now focused on his friend. 

“Yea, I’m good. Just thinking about (Y/n),” he tossed the folded blanket on the side table before sitting on the couch. Steve joined him, taking a long drink of orange juice.

“You know, your sister is an incredible woman,” Steve chuckled, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

“Yea, I know,” Brett was proud of his little sister. She was smart, driven, and determined to a fault. “Wish I could shove some common sense into that brain of hers though,” he sighed.

Steve took another drink of orange juice before casting a sidelong glance at Brett. “So you tricked me into meeting her, huh? Well, tried to,” he took one last sip of juice and set the empty glass on the table in front of him. 

Steve’s mind drifted back to weeks ago when he’d first seen (Y/n), the day he was supposed to be meeting with Brett to talk about where things were going now that SHIELD was no more. He hadn’t even known the woman was (Y/n) until he saw Brett panic. Steve remembered the pit in his stomach seeing Bucky holding a knife to an innocent woman, then when he made the connection…he’d never felt so helpless even back as a skinny kid.

“Well, that was the plan. To be fair, I had to trick her too. She’s stubborn when she gets it in her head whether she wants something or not,” Brett laughed and looked out the window. 

“Oh ‘cause you’re the picture of compliance, Brett,” Steve scoffed and Brett held up his hands. 

“Hey, I’m a docile little lamb compared to that one when she gets in a mood!” He truly loved his sister but she could be infuriating. 

“Now that I can believe,” Steve stared off at nothing as he thought about (Y/n). From what he had seen and learned of her over the past week, nothing would surprise him about her. “She’s…she’s something else. She even managed to get through to Bucky.” 

Brett bristled at the mention of Bucky, the man who had somehow managed to steal his sister from him and put her in harm’s way. Steve had told him the extent of the injuries she had suffered while being held hostage by the Winter Soldier. Whether or not they were caused by his hand or not, Brett still held him responsible. 

“If I’d have known that she’d -- that he’d be there and that he’d take her, I would have never let her leave the house that day,” Brett clenched his jaw and pursed his lips at the memory. He took a deep breath and glanced to Steve who was lost in thought. “You think you’ll want to see her again?” he asked innocently. 

He’d seen the way Bucky looked at her and thought back to the image of Bucky leaning over (Y/n) on the couch. He didn’t like it one bit.

“Well, I’m sure I’ll see her again. I mean, I’ll see her tonight,” Steve said, perplexed by Brett’s question.

“You are so dense, Steve,” Brett chuckled. “Maybe you guys can actually go get that breakfast when she’s up and about again,” he hinted.

Steve began to catch on to Brett’s meaning and blushed. He was more than a little uncomfortable talking to Brett about his sister like this. If he saw Bucky talking with his friends and his sisters were mentioned, oh boy did it get ugly quickly. 

“You know, usually brothers are working against their sisters getting involved romantically,” Steve shook his head with an indulgent laugh.

“Yeah, maybe, when we were teens and then in college. I just want to see her happy with someone who I know would be good to her. You guys have more in common than you’d think and I saw how you looked at her, you at least think she’s pretty,” Brett countered. Steve’s face heated and he scratched the back of his neck.

“She’s, well, she’s beautiful,”

“See, told you. Match made in heaven,” Brett quickly followed up. 

“Brett, she’s been through a lot. Maybe give her some time before pushing something like this on her,” Steve struggled to back out of this conversation as quickly as possible. It had derailed beyond repair.

“Exactly! She probably needs someone now more than ever. If nothing else you’d get along great and who couldn’t use a good friend these days?” 

Steve couldn’t argue with that point. They’d all been stripped of many friends and allies between the numbers killed and those who were enemies hiding in the guise of friends.

“Can we just agree to let things happen as they may? Like I said, she’s been through a lot,” he didn’t mention the bond he’d seen between her and Bucky. Steve was too wary of how Brett would react. 

“Alright, I won’t bug. Much,” Brett shoved Steve’s shoulder before he left the room to shower and change.

Steve was stuck between a rock and a hard place. 

\--

“I don’t know if I can do any more,” (Y/n) was exhausted from the few simple exercises she had been given to help get her strength back. Bucky stood in front of her, arms out ready to help if she lost her balance. 

“Come on, you can do two more,” Bucky coaxed and (Y/n) glared mockingly at him. 

She stood up from the chair and sat down three more times. He raised his eyebrows but didn’t say anything about her constant attempts to do more than what was asked. (Y/n) stood from the chair ready to return to the couch to rest now that her exercises for the day were done. Her balance waivered only slightly and Bucky immediately gripped her arm with one hand and put the other around her waist. 

“You’re doing a lot better than just a few days ago,” he commented under his breath as he reluctantly let her go so she could make it to the couch on her own. (Y/n) gave him a tired smile before sitting down, waiting for Bucky to get comfortable.

“Now we just get to relax until 8 o’clock,” (Y/n) sighed. She saw Bucky shift uncomfortably next to her. “It’ll be okay, I honestly think it’ll make you feel better.”

Bucky nodded, unable to look at (Y/n) until she leaned against his right side. His arm automatically went around her. He thought back over the past week and tried to remember when exactly that became instinctual. It was undeniable that the feeling of her leaning against him was the most pleasant thing he could remember feeling. 

(Y/n) flipped on the next movie on her list to watch while they sat in silence. It was a movie she’d seen a number of times and soon found herself thinking back to that morning. She’d never thought to ask Bucky about his arm, to talk to him about it. At the warehouse it had been out of self-preservation fearing that discussing anything about his time with HYDRA or what he’d done might be dangerous for her. Since then, the focus had been all on her health and recovery save for the few times Bucky had a memory or nightmare. 

Carefully, she reached over and touched his left hand glancing up at him. “May I?” she asked quietly. Bucky’s eyes flicked back and forth between (Y/n)’s face and her hand, trying to gauge where this was going. He finally gave a nod and (Y/n) held his hand in hers, turning it over. “Do you hate it?” she whispered. “Is that why you got so upset this morning?”

Bucky hadn’t thought about that. “I don’t remember a time without it outside of bits and pieces. I just know what I’ve done with it, what HYDRA did with it, the _people_ who worked on it,” he shook his head. He was surprised at how calmly he was referring to his past.

“Can you feel with it?” (Y/n) asked and looked up at Bucky’s face. “If I ask something too personal, you’ll tell me, right?” Bucky nodded once more.

“I can feel pressure,” he said after thinking about it for a while. “I can sense resistance but the difference between soft or rough, hot or cold… no I can’t feel that,” Bucky splayed the fingers of his metal hand out and then flexed them into a fist. (Y/n) watched, fascinated.

“Do you have to think about every movement first?” she asked running her fingers along one of the metal plates.

“No, I don’t know a lot about how it works, just that it does.”

(Y/n) thought for a long time before she looked back up at Bucky’s face. “Does it hurt you?” she worried this question was too much. When she saw his jaw clench she pulled her hand back from his and instead linked her fingers with his right hand. “I shouldn’t have asked that,” she apologized. 

Bucky took a deep breath, steadying himself against the memories of surgeries and procedures that cause him so much agony. “At times, yes. Most of the time no.” 

(Y/n) stopped her line of questions, content to sit there and watch the movie. She feared the memories talking about such a dark subject might bring up. The morning he thought he was back in WWII, the fear she’d seen in his eyes when he saw his hand gave (Y/n) chills. (Y/n) thought back even further to the day Bucky had kidnapped her. The idea that she’d be sitting here with a man who not 3 weeks ago had threatened to kill her was laughable. She giggled and shook her head.

“What are you laughing at?” Bucky asked.

“The day of the accident, when you took me,” she giggled again though Bucky started to frown, “I can’t believe I gave you a bloody nose.”

Bucky started to smirk at that. She’d been trouble from day one, but he had refused to let her go. “It was a lucky shot. You know how hard it is for someone to really land a hit on me?” he quirked his eyebrow. 

“Never underestimate survival instincts. You were so pissed,” she shook her head and laughed once again.

“I had good reason to be,” Bucky said smoothly, watching (Y/n)’s laughter reach her eyes. Her smile calmed him. This might have been a sore subject for both, yet she was smiling and laughing about the absurdity of the entire situation. “You kicked me in the face!” 

“Yes I did,” (Y/n) smirked and looked up at Bucky. “At least I didn’t do any lasting damage, would’ve been a shame to mar such a handsome face,” she immediately looked away, embarrassed of her impulsive admission.

She thought he was handsome? Bucky thought this over for a minute and a cocky grin slowly appeared on his face. 

“You really think so?” he waited for (Y/n) to turn to look at him. As soon as she saw his smile she blushed deeply. 

“Yea, I really think so,” (Y/n) sighed. Denying it at this point was pointless.

“You know, hearing that a beautiful dame thinks a fella’s handsome can make him bold,” Bucky said leaning forward. 

“You think I’m beautiful?” (Y/n)’s voice was little more than a whisper. 

“Absolutely,” Bucky murmured and looked down at her lips. (Y/n)’s heart was racing but instead of kissing her lips, he reached out and slowly brought her hand up, gently kissing the back of her knuckles. He smirked up at (Y/n), knowing he had flustered her. 

“Do you need to rest before we go tonight,” Bucky asked as he reached up to tuck (Y/n)’s hair behind her ear. She nodded and he carefully maneuvered them on the couch so she could rest against him. “Close your eyes and rest if you need to,” he murmured into (Y/n)’s hair, placing another kiss against her temple. 

It wasn’t long before (Y/n) was dozing half laying on Bucky. Bucky looked down at her sleeping face. Whatever was happening he promised himself he would protect this woman. _What is she doing to me?_ he thought to himself but mentally shook himself. _Does it matter?... no, no it doesn’t_ he concluded and started running his hand up and down her back, smiling when he felt (Y/n) cling closer to him in her sleep.

\--

“Over there, Sir,” the smaller man pointed to a group of men standing on the corner. The alley was almost completely dark at this hour and a lesser man might have been worried about approaching such a group. 

“Wait here,” the leader strode forward leaving his group to guard the alleyway. 

The group noticed the man approaching them and stood up straighter, no longer leaning against the brick wall. Hands came out of pockets and subtly checked that guns and knives were easily accessible.

“You picked a bad way to walk home,” one guy strode forward, taller than the rest. He wore a dark jacket and jeans. 

“Oh, no. I think I picked the perfect path,” the lone man said stopping several feet in front of the group. “I have a proposition for you,” he said glancing down at his hands folded in front of him.

“Not really all that interested,” the group chuckled behind the tall man in the dark jacket. “Drop your wallet and walk away,” he said dangerously.

“I could do that. Or I could give you information on the man who took out nearly all the leadership in your little… _gang_ ,” he wasn’t ruffled by the threat in the least. 

The group hesitated. There hadn’t been a word publicly about what had happened. Only 3 of them escaped and that was because they hadn’t been in the warehouse, they were lookouts. The three had returned to the warehouse after they heard gunshots and saw a man drive away with a broken woman. All had been there when the strange man with the extremely strong arm had bumped into their leader. All were privy to the plan that was set in place for that night. All were equally terrified at the carnage they saw.

“What do you know about that?”

“Quite a bit. And I’m willing to give you some information. We’re looking to take him down. Our own organization took quite a hit recently and in return for your cooperation, we’re willing to help your _gang_ out in ways you couldn’t possible fathom.”

“In return for what, hunting down that psychopath? I’m not that dumb,” he scoffed.

“No, I don’t think you are. Have you heard of a group called HYDRA?” The men stared blankly at one another, neither willing to concede. “I’ll take that as a no, which isn’t surprising. HYDRA is on its way to running things. They’re looking for… recruits. The offer is this: you keep your own little group intact, function on your own, but you’d report to a HYDRA superior. HYDRA would arm you with weapons you could only dream of getting your hands on. You’d run the city.” The HYDRA leader raised his eyebrows as he sweetened the deal for the group in front of him. 

“Cut the crap, tell me what I get out of this,” the thug folded his arms, displaying the gun he was holding.

The HYDRA leader raised his arms slightly from his sides. “Revenge, power…other things you can’t imagine.”

“I’m sure you have some sort of military like group of people to pick from,” the man was smarter than he looked. “Why offer this to us?”

The HYDRA leader smiled appreciatively. “We’re,” he looked up and pursed his lips as he thought about the best way to explain. “We’re trying a new tactic,” he held out his hand. I’m Blake Morton.”

The man in the dark jacket looked back at the group behind him. When he received several nods of agreement he stepped forward and clasped hands with Blake. “Derek Hood.”

“We’ll be in touch, Derek,” Blake said turning to leave. 

When Blake reached the entrance of the alley, one of the group in HYDRA tactical gear leaned forward to speak with him. 

“Do you have the authority to offer that to them?”

“I do now,” Blake said casually. “Tell me, now that HYDRA has been uncovered, how do you think we could recruit people to work for us? Certainly not through SHIELD,” he stared at the one who questioned him. “If we organize these street thugs throughout the cities of the world, we’ll have our own expendable task forces. We can arm them, we can set them after a target, and if they fail, we haven’t lost our precious few loyal HYDRA members.”

“And you’re going to send them after the Asset?” 

“I can’t think of a better use for them,” Blake grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think! Your feedback is so important to me - what you liked, what you didn't like, how you think I can improve, it is all so so valuable and I do take what you say to heart! You are amazing for sticking with me through all of these months and updates. 
> 
> I do take requests for one shots too! I have a series for those and would love love love to write some imagines for you guys! You can write requests here if you really want to but go check out http://archiveofourown.org/works/4321800/chapters/9799089 if you're interested!!
> 
> Much love guys <3 you're the best!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I was going to wait to finish everything I had planned for this chapter but since it's been SOOOO long since I updated (and I desperately beg your forgiveness, some emergencies came up and this had to take a back seat), I thought I'd post what I have so far. It's a natural break so things will be easily picked up in the next chapter. I hope you enjoy!

The movie had long since ended and was nearing the end of the credits, but Bucky couldn’t bring himself to wake (Y/n). He stared at the clock. _7:20pm, didn’t she say we had to leave at 8:00?_ Bucky sighed and looked down at (Y/n). 

Somehow they had slid down the couch until she was lying on top of him. Her weight on top of him was grounding. When exactly had he come to appreciate that feeling? 

Gently Bucky pushed (Y/n)’s hair back so he could see her face and rubbed his hand up and down her back. “(Y/n)?” he said quietly, chuckling when he saw her brow furrow at the intrusion to her sleep. She turned her head to curl in tighter to him, trying to shut out the world and sleep just that much longer. “(Y/n), wake up.” He resisted the urge to simply let her sleep. Steve would be there soon and while Bucky wasn’t entirely sold on this outing, he knew (Y/n) would be upset if he let her sleep instead of getting ready to leave.

(Y/n) brought her hand up to rub her face and mumbled a quick _I’m up, I’m up,_ to placate Bucky though he continued running his hands up and down her back. “You know, I’m going to fall back asleep if you keep doing that,” (Y/n) still hadn’t opened her eyes. 

“You can if you want to,” Bucky whispered. (Y/n) huffed out a laugh and finally opened her eyes. She pushed herself up so she could look down at Bucky. 

“As tempting as that is,” she sighed and looked over at the clock _7:30_ , “Steve will be here in a half hour,” (Y/n) raised an eyebrow and Bucky continued to watch her with an even look. 

(Y/n) steadied herself on one hand and reached for Bucky’s hair with the other. She ran her fingers through his hair slowly, over and over again while Bucky simply watched her. He never could tell exactly what was going through her mind, particularly when she was in this type of sleepy haze. Before he could over analyze what (Y/n) was doing, Bucky felt himself relaxing, his breathing slowing and deepening.

“Your hair is so long,” (Y/n) mumbled. Bucky frowned and (Y/n) quickly corrected herself. “Not a bad thing, just an observation. Soft, too,” she added quietly.

(Y/n)’s eyes were only half open as she continued to absently run her fingers through Bucky’s hair, pausing when she finally let her eyes roam over Bucky’s face. She couldn’t settle on one thing, glancing from his eyes to his lips, his nose, the line of his jaw. 

Before (Y/n) thought about it, she had lowered her head and caught Bucky’s lips gently with hers. Bucky was still for a moment before letting his hands settle on (Y/n)’s lower back as he began to move his lips against hers. She let her fingers slip through his hair once more and then rested her hand against his chest, still supporting herself with her other arm. Bucky’s hand slipped under the hem of her shirt so his right hand could rest against the small of her back and (Y/n) hummed softly at the feeling of his hand on her skin. 

(Y/n) finally remembered herself and pulled back so she could look down at Bucky. His lips were parted and his eyes were darker than they had been when she’d been playing with his hair just a moment earlier. She could only imagine what she must look like. Where had she gotten that courage? Her heart was racing and she was sure Bucky could feel it, she was sure the whole world could feel it.

“We… we should get ready to go,” (Y/n) whispered. 

“I don’t want to go anymore,” Bucky’s voice was deep as he watched (Y/n) for a reaction. 

He leaned up to catch (Y/n)’s lips again and held the back of her head, letting his fingers tangle into her hair. (Y/n) sighed and Bucky quickly took the opportunity to run his tongue past her lips. It was Bucky’s turn to groan when he felt her tongue brush against his tentatively. Tightening his grip on (Y/n), Bucky’s kiss was becoming more demanding, more urgent. 

Both were panting by the time Bucky slowed the kiss so they could catch their breath. (Y/n)’s forehead rested against Bucky’s while he held both sides of her face tenderly. Bucky couldn’t remember the last time his heart beat so fast, nor could he figure out the knot he felt in his stomach. Steve could wait, the world could wait – this could not. 

“Bucky,” (Y/n) said quietly but he leaned up to silence her with another kiss, gentle but sure.

“Not yet,” he mumbled against her lips, “Please, just… not yet,” Bucky pleaded and (Y/n) nodded. She ran her fingertips over his jaw and down his neck to his chest and he opened his eyes finally looking up at her. He couldn’t place the look on (Y/n)’s face, but he forced himself to suppress a smirk when he saw her blushing.

“Bucky, Steve will be here soon,” (Y/n) began to urge him again. Bucky wasn’t inclined to move from his spot and from the way his arms tightened around her, it didn’t seem likely he was going to let (Y/n) move either. “It’ll be okay, I promised I’d go when you asked me,” she added mistaking his reasons for being reluctant to go. 

Instead of arguing, Bucky carefully maneuvered (Y/n) so that she was under him on the couch and leaned down to kiss her again. He kissed her lips, then along her jaw up to her ear. “I think Steve might object to watching this,” he said as he kissed her ear. 

Oh, _Oh!_ (Y/n) thought. The fact that Bucky had referred to Steve by name fleeted through her mind but she was quickly lost in the feeling of Bucky’s hands and lips. Bucky kissed down her neck and for the moment both forgot themselves. (Y/n)’s hands slid up under Bucky’s shirt, along his sides and across his back while he kissed the top of her shoulder and collar bone. His hand had slipped up (Y/n)’s shirt and rested against her ribcage, his thumb rubbing back and forth softly. 

(Y/n) didn’t want to move, neither of them did. She nearly leapt off the couch and would have if not for Bucky’s body pressing down on hers, when her phone went off.

“Text,” (Y/n) mumbled and reached for her phone while Bucky captured her lips in another kiss. “Bucky, it’s probably Steve,” she protested.

“Don’t care,” Bucky said running his tongue over her lip begging for her to play along with him. He held the side of (Y/n)’s face with his right hand, tugging her chin down so he could kiss her more deeply.

(Y/n) moaned and gave into Bucky’s insistence, returning his kisses with fervor. When she was out of breath she pulled back, and Bucky watched her carefully for any sign that she was upset with him. Instead of seeing the distress he feared (Y/n) would have, Bucky saw her laying under him eyes half closed, her free hand reaching up to run her fingers along his jaw. She smiled at him when she realized he was staring at her and blushed furiously. 

(Y/n) finally tore her eyes from Bucky and looked at her phone. _I’ll be there in 15 minutes, Steve,_ . She sighed and read the text to Bucky. He looked torn. 

“Bucky,” (Y/n) said and reached up with both hands now. “The couch will be here when we get back, I’ll be here, you’ll be here,” she whispered as she let her hands wander from his shoulders down his arms and back up to rest alongside his neck. 

“I’m sorry, that was… really…forward,” Bucky said sitting up and backing away from (Y/n) slightly to give her room to sit up. (Y/n) gave him a shy smile and tucked her hair behind her ear.

“I’d be lying if I said I was upset…” she shot Bucky another shy smile. “I promise, I’m not upset,” (Y/n) added when Bucky looked unsure. 

He frowned and (Y/n) looked at her hands. Impulsively, she leaned over and caught his lips in a quick kiss, lingering for a brief moment. Before Bucky could pull her into his lap, she leaned back. It would be too easy to let Bucky distract her from getting the two of them ready to get out the door when Steve arrived. 

“I promise, upset is the last word I’d use to describe myself right now,” (Y/n)’s cheeks were pink when she stood up from the couch. Bucky grabbed her hand and she turned back to look down at him.

“This…” he pointed between the two of them and the couch, “This isn’t over,” he said and stood, still holding (Y/n)’s hand. (Y/n) only blushed harder and looked at the ground then back up at Bucky. His eyes roamed over her lips and eyes and down to where he had been kissing her neck. If he had kissed just a bit harder, bit down just a little bit, he might have left a mark. He wanted to-he desperately wanted to. It was only the threat of Steve arriving any minute that stopped him. 

“I should probably change real quick – put some real clothes on,” (Y/n) said and Bucky tilted his head to the side. He enjoyed her in sweats and whatever the shirt was she was wearing…what had she called them? Tank tops? And zip-up hoodies? “Not that there’s going to be anyone there,” she added and started walking to her room. 

“Will regular clothes bother you?” Bucky asked suddenly. 

(Y/n) was surprised by his question; she hadn’t even considered whether or not wearing real clothes would bother the remnants of bruising along her abdomen. Jeans may or may not be an option she realized. (Y/n) shrugged and pocketed her phone in her zip up jacket and grabbed her purse. 

Bucky and (Y/n) were still standing in the living room when the doorbell rang. Bucky flinched and (Y/n) quickly took his hand. 

“It’s okay, it’s just Steve,” she said, squeezing his right hand. 

Bucky still insisted on walking to the door himself, holding (Y/n) at arm’s length behind him until he confirmed that it was in fact, just Steve. Bucky opened the door and led (Y/n) out. 

“Hi, Steve,” (Y/n) smiled and pulled the door shut behind her, making sure that she had the key and that the door was locked. Bucky double checked after she did and Steve raised his eyebrows. 

“Let’s go,” Steve gestured to the truck he drove. He had borrowed Brett’s at the agent’s insistence. Steve’s motorcycle wouldn’t work for three people, nor did he want his sister on one so soon after such significant injuries. 

“I can’t believe Brett let you drive his truck! He’s obsessed with this thing,” (Y/n) laughed and Bucky opened the door to the front seat, holding it for (Y/n) to climb in. 

She hesitated looking at Bucky; she didn’t want him sitting in the back seat alone but she didn’t think that he’d consider sitting up front instead. Not when there was a lady in the group. His eyes were set, as if he’d read her mind. Instead of giving (Y/n) the chance to say anything, Bucky boosted her into the front seat of the truck. He didn’t want to argue with her and this left no way for her to get out of taking the front seat. 

Steve watched the entire exchange. The way (Y/n) walked with Bucky, how Bucky hovered, the entire conversation he saw the two have without words. 

Once the three were in the truck, Steve couldn’t keep himself from glancing over at (Y/n). The three chatted, though the conversation was mainly between Steve and (Y/n). Bucky wasn’t one for small talk, at least with people outside of (Y/n), not yet. 

He wondered if Bucky had seen his side glances at (Y/n), one quick look in the rearview mirror was answer enough to his question. Bucky was watching Steve’s every move. Surely Bucky wouldn’t consider the small talk between (Y/n) and himself something to worry over. He was close friends with (Y/n)’s brother, he was treating her amiably, treating her how he’d want people to treat a young woman in his family. Right? 

Bucky watched (Y/n) thoughtfully from his spot in the backseat, his eyes shifting between her and Steve. He wanted to be next to her, wanted to be holding her hand again. More than anything he wanted to be back at (Y/n)’s home with her at his side. 

It took a solid 45 minutes to get to the Smithsonian from (Y/n)’s house on a good day. In the evening going against traffic, the ride was significantly shorter. When conversation about how (Y/n) was feeling and how she was healing had petered off, she had turned to the radio to fill the awkward silence. 

When it was the two of them, she usually didn’t feel the need to fill the silence. She must be anxious about the trip—worried about him, how he’ll react, whether he’ll remember more. Bucky felt his heart speed up as scenario after scenario played through his head. What would be worse, remembering? Having nothing come back? Or somewhere in between? 

He didn’t have long to dwell on his fears. Within minutes Steve was parking the truck and seatbelts were being removed and the doors opened. Bucky stood next to the truck and ran his hands back through his hair, holding his head as he took a deep breath. Eyes closed, he didn’t see (Y/n) come up to him. Bucky flinched when she put her hands around his wrists to carefully urge his hands back to his sides.

“It’s going to be fine,” she whispered. 

Steve rounded the corner just in time to see Bucky nodding at (Y/n) and saw her holding both of Bucky’s hands. His stomach clenched. _Brett would not like this,_ Steve thought. Steve had convinced himself that it was worry over Brett’s mental state that he felt uneasy about how (Y/n) and Bucky seemed so at ease together. He cleared his throat and the pair looked over at him.

“Back entrance is this way,” he stuck a thumb over his shoulder and the three fell into step. 

Bucky held tightly to (Y/n)’s hand. He couldn’t remember how many times he’d been to the Captain America exhibit, but he had never feared it until now. (Y/n) wordlessly squeezed his hand as they walked through the door. Immediately Bucky let out a sigh of relief. It was completely empty. Even with the many displays and hallways, it was relatively open. The first display they came to showed the drastic difference in Steve before and after the serum. 

“It’s hard to imagine you being the same height as me,” (Y/n) broke the silence, casting a small smile at Steve. 

Before Steve could say a word, Bucky huffed. “Might’ve been small but he was a walking bag of trouble if I’ve ever seen one.” His tone was grim but (Y/n) saw the slight glint in his eyes. Steve stared at his old friend, too surprised to respond. “Still can’t wrap my head around what that scientist was able to do,” he mumbled as he walked towards the life sized image of Steve pre-serum. Steve’s head came up just past Bucky’s shoulder.

“Yeah, you and most of the world, Buck,” Steve finally managed to say quietly. 

(Y/n) followed Bucky and Steve as Steve led them through the exhibit, telling story after story about growing up. Just being surrounded by memorabilia from that time would trigger small flashes in Bucky’s head -- small memories making themselves known here and there. 

After an hour, Bucky could feel (Y/n) start to lean on him more and more for support as they made their way through the exhibit. He craned his neck looking about the room. There was a long cushioned bench against the far wall. Signaling to Steve, Bucky turned and began to lead (Y/n) towards the bench.

“Bucky? Is everything alright?” she asked when she realized he was leading her away from Steve. 

“Yes and no,” he looked down at her and smoothed her hair. Her eyes were heavy, and she looked ever so slightly paler than she had back at the house. “You need to rest,” Bucky urged her to sit. (Y/n) clung to his hand but didn’t resist as he gently pressed her to lie down. He pulled his jacket off and folded it and set it under (Y/n)’s head. 

“I promised I’d stay with you. I’m okay really, I’ll just rest more tomorrow,” (Y/n) started to insist but Bucky silenced her, pressing his thumb over her lips. 

“I won’t be alone, I’m doing fine, (Y/n),” Bucky gave her a sad smile. (Y/n) still looked unsure. “As much as I’d enjoy carrying your exhausted ass back to the car,” he smirked when he saw (Y/n)’s shocked expression, “I’d rather you not go backwards. You’re doing much better,” Bucky squeezed (Y/n)’s hand and stood to leave. (Y/n) couldn’t argue and finally closed her eyes. 

Steve watched the exchange from across the room. He couldn’t tell what had transpired between the two – right now he wasn’t sure if he was jealous of one, or both, or just concerned for the two. “Is she alright?” Steve asked when Bucky was finally back at his side.

“Yeah, just tired. She didn’t want to stay over there,” he shoved his hands in his pockets and looked over his shoulder. He couldn’t tell from here whether or not she was sleeping, but her body was relaxed at least. “She needs rest,” Bucky said absently. Steve grunted his agreement. 

“Her brother would kill me if she went downhill,” Steve said under his breath. 

Bucky turned back to face the display highlighting the Howling Commandos, each member’s portrait above a mannequin donned in their unique uniform. He looked at each face, his gut clenching at the realization that he and Steve were the only ones left. They had all been better men than he. His eyes came to rest on his portrait last. He brought his right hand up to feel the stubble along his jaw then ran it through his long hair. The picture of him was so drastically different. 

Steve watched Bucky silently while he took in the display in front of them. “They were great men,” Steve said reverently. Bucky’s mouth twitched involuntarily to a smirk.

“They were all idiots,” he said before his face turned unreadable once again.

“You used to say that,” Steve laughed. “After we got back from that Hydra base, where Zola had you,” Steve was treading lightly around the subject of Bucky’s capture, “We were all at this little bar in Italy. That’s when I recruited them, and you, to be my team. Peggy was there –“ he started to go on to recount the night’s events.

“I remember,” Bucky interrupted, his hands were stilled at his side. Steve did a double take before staring at Bucky.

“This story… or…?” Steve questioned, not entirely sure how to proceed.

Bucky nodded and shoved his hands back in his pockets, unable to keep still. He had been remembering more and more over the past few days. There was no natural way to bring up the small flashes of memories that had begun to pop up in his mind throughout the day. Most of them were benign memories, listening to the live music in a dance hall with a drink in his hand and a beautiful lady on his arm, walking down the street with Steve, his old apartment. Others were nightmare inducing.

“This one and some others,” Bucky walked to the next exhibit and stared straight ahead at his memorial. 

“Did you tell anyone?” It was a stupid question. The only person he’d have been able to tell was (Y/n) and Steve wasn’t sure if she would tell him that Bucky was having memories or not. 

“Nah,” Bucky shrugged it off. “(Y/n) would notice sometimes, but it’s pretty easy to brush off blank stares when you’ve got my history,” he frowned. 

Steve was stunned. Bucky made this revelation seem so insignificant while Steve’s mind was racing at the implications. Were the memories ones Bucky recovered from his old life? Were they ones solely from before the war or did he have memories of being captured? Would memories from his time as the Winter Soldier make him more violent? More unpredictable?

“Don’t look at me like that,” Bucky muttered, still not looking at Steve.

“Like what?”

“With pity mixed with terror that I’m gonna lose it,” Bucky huffed. 

Steve did his best to school his face though concern constantly nagged at the back of his mind. “Why didn’t you tell (Y/n)?” The two had been nearly inseparable during the time they spent at Steve’s place. It was odd that Bucky would choose now of all times to close himself off to her. 

“Because!” Bucky raised his voice then quickly glanced behind him to see where (Y/n) was resting on the bench not too far away. He wiped a hand over his face and looked at the ceiling. Steve was probably the only other person he could expect to understand why he hadn’t opened up to anyone. Who else from this time could give Bucky’s memories any sense of cohesion? Who could comprehend the evil he’d seen, been a part of? He had lived through things that would never see the light of day, that the general population would forever think of as science fiction. “Steve, you’re in most of the memories from before…” Bucky took a deep breath. “(Y/n) wouldn’t be able to help me sort through them, but you might. The other memories,” he shook his head. “There’s no way I’m gonna force her to hear those.”

Steve slowly nodded. (Y/n) had been through enough and taking on stories from Bucky’s time as HYDRA’s top assassin was beyond what anyone could ask of her. At the same time, Steve wondered how she’d react to hearing that Bucky was forcing himself to deal with these memories alone. 

“(Y/n) might smack you silly if she found out you didn’t talk to anyone,” Steve suggested as they began to slowly walk to the next wall filled with labeled memorabilia. 

“She’s not my shrink, she’s my,” Bucky stopped short. What was (Y/n) to him?

Steve’s eyebrow rose in curiosity, his head tilted to the side. “She’s your what, Buck?” He asked, genuinely curious as to what the relationship between (Y/n) and Bucky really was. 

Bucky worked his jaw, staring at the floor. What was she to him?

“You dizzy for her?” 

“Cut it out would-ya?” Bucky said quickly, glancing over his shoulder to see if (Y/n) was close enough to hear their conversation. 

Steve folded his arms; that was answer enough for him. He was pleased that Bucky so quickly slipped back into the way they used to be around one another. It was comforting, something he’d never get with anyone else in this strange modern world. It was also convenient, a way to draw Bucky out of his inward spiral. Steve made a mental note to remember that. 

“You are, aren’t you,” Steve prodded slightly, folding his arms and bumping Bucky’s arm with his elbow. He looked over at (Y/n) then back to Bucky. “Well, she’s a looker, that’s for sure,” he chuckled. Bucky raised his eyebrows and huffed out a small laugh in agreement. Steve couldn’t help the mild twinge of jealousy he felt in his chest. He’d never been jealous of his friend over a particular girl that he could remember. Jealous that Bucky could get any girl he wanted? That girls would line up to dance with him back before and during the war? Absolutely. But one girl in particular? No, not that Steve could remember. “Next room’s got some archived footage from the war,” he said quietly.

“She really is,” Bucky mumbled and turned so he could watch her resting her eyes, curled up along the cushioned bench in the corner of the room. He walked over to her and knelt next to her. “Steve wants to take me to the next room, where they have the footage. Do you want to stay here?” he asked quietly. (Y/n) opened her eyes and shook her head after Bucky repeated himself. 

“No, I promised I’d stay with you,” she mumbled and Bucky chuckled. The evening was going better than he anticipated. Part of him wanted to insist she stay and rest, she was obviously tired but by the time he thought to argue, (Y/n) was already standing and had slipped her arm into the crook of his elbow. He looked down where their arms were linked and gave a sly smile that neither (Y/n) nor Steve caught.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought of this chapter! Your feedback and comments are what keep me going and writing -- you guys are absolutely the best and I don't know what I'd do without you! Thank you so much for your kind comments and encouragement, it means the world to me and I know I say this every update but it's so true. You are the best readers a writer could ever hope for. I love you all! <3 Muah!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this??? 2 updates in 2 days? (or 3? I don't know but it's quick!) Now I'm really glad I broke this chapter up into 2 separate ones (the one I posted the other day and this one). It was originally going to be one long one but it would've been one HECK of a long chapter. Some angst in this chapter, some flashbacks on Bucky's part, you'll see, (nothing triggering at least I hope not?) I hope you guys enjoy! 
> 
> Also -- This chapter brought to you by this video on youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRNbSaEQH98 which served as inspiration and some go to's for getting myself back on topic when I'd start getting distracted by the internets.

Steve, Bucky and (Y/n) walked into a side room with the projector. With the press of a button, the lights dimmed and old archived footage began to play on the screen. It started with an interview of Peggy Carter and both men felt their chests tighten. Steve’s eyes were glued to the image of Peggy on the screen while Bucky watched thoughtfully. 

After the interview, other short clips began to follow in short succession with a narration guiding the viewer through the events of WWII and the heroics of the Howling Commandos, namely their Captain. Bucky stepped forward to get closer to the screen, brow furrowed as he watched himself smile and laugh alongside Steve.

(Y/n) moved closer to Steve who was lost in thought. “Peggy Carter gave you some pretty high praise there,” she said quietly. She had caught the brief flash of pain as soon as Steve saw her face. “You must have been close,” (Y/n) added. She might not have known the extent of their involvement but she wasn’t blind. 

Steve looked at the ground and nodded once, taking a deep breath to collect his thoughts. “Yeah, she’s something else.” (Y/n) didn’t question his use of present tense. 

“Bucky isn’t the only one who lost a lifetime. You’re trying so hard to help him, to fix him,” (Y/n) said softly so Bucky wouldn’t hear her. “Has America’s Superhero Sweetheart ever taken some personal time to figure things out for himself?” she asked. 

She was bold, he had to give her that. For a long time, Steve said nothing as he stared at the video clips projected in front of him. If only (Y/n) knew how much he had given up, she might not have asked. Then again, if she was anything like Brett she might have anyways. When he finally looked over at her, he saw genuine concern for him plain on her face and his rebuke caught in his throat.

“I guess that’s what I get to do now. Maybe it was meant to happen this way, Bucky and I,” he shrugged. Steve let out a short morbid laugh. “We’ve never done anything on our own, why stop now?” (Y/n) frowned.

“I know everyone in the world has probably offered,” she put her hand on Steve’s forearm, “But if you need to talk – well talk to someone who isn’t military or SHIELD or God knows what…” (Y/n) let her offer hang in the air and Steve nodded. 

“I appreciate it, though I don’t want you feeling like you have to fix me,” he watched her for a reaction. He was surprised when she simply pursed her lips, deep in thought. Steve couldn’t count the number of people who had offered a shoulder or an ear for his sorrows. (Y/n) was, however, the first person he even entertained the idea of accepting such an offer from. 

“Who said anything about fixing?” (Y/n) tilted her head, watching the footage in front of her. “I’m just saying, there aren’t many people who get how sensitive confidentiality is who don’t also have a vested interest in keeping you as America’s Golden Boy,” she smirked and Steve chuckled. “Living with a brother who is a SHIELD Agent, well, plausible deniability is my best friend as are my brilliant acting skills,” (Y/n) laughed.

“Acting skills?” Steve asked and (Y/n) looked up at him. Her eyebrows were raised as her head tilted to the side.

“I beg your pardon?” 

“I said, ‘your acting skills?’” Steve repeated, “Brett only ever told me you were a grad student, not that you did anything with theater,” he rambled.

“I’ve never done theater in my life, Steve,” (Y/n) looked truly confused. 

“Then what the heck are you talking about?” Steve asked, slightly irritated at this point. He stared at (Y/n)’s blank face and finally rolled his eyes. (Y/n) grinned when he finally made the connection. “I see, very funny, (Y/n),” he tried to keep the sarcasm thick in his voice but he sounded more amused than anything else.

As Steve and (Y/n) stood next to one another, watching various clips on the screen, Steve would lean over and whisper the odd story to her, giving her some context she knew no one else but Bucky would ever get. Steve found himself smiling. It was nice to share with someone who wasn’t feigning interest or who had ulterior motives. _Brett was right, she does make a good … friend,_ he managed to keep his mind from running away with that train of thought. 

“You know,” Steve turned to face (Y/n) whose was fixated on the film footage, “Brett is pretty upset about everything that happened.” 

(Y/n)’s eyes dropped to her feet and she rubbed her hand up and down her arm. “I’m not surprised. He’s always been protective of me, more so than most brothers – at least my friends’ brothers…” she struggled to keep from rambling. She hadn’t come to terms with how erratic Brett had been when he came home to find Bucky in their house. 

“You should’ve seen him while you were gone,” Steve said quietly. When (Y/n) remained quiet, he continued. “He really wants to talk to you, make it up to you,” his eyes were filled with concern. Maybe he was stretching the truth of exactly what Brett has said, but Steve knew the man well. It was plain that Brett was torn up about the entire situation. 

“I miss him,” (Y/n) finally whispered so quietly Steve nearly missed it. “It’s been just the two of us for so long,” she struggled to blink back tears. “But I’ve never seen him lose control like that,” (Y/n) let out a shuddering sigh. 

Steve stood there awkwardly until he put his hand between her shoulder blades and rubbed back and forth in an attempt to be comforting. He felt (Y/n) take a deep breath and compose herself. She turned her head and looked up at him, giving him a brief smile in appreciation of his effort. Steve cleared his throat and carefully took his hand back, hoping the dark room kept his faint blush hidden.

“You should talk to him, you know,” he said quietly. “You both need it,” Steve added, watching (Y/n)’s face. 

(Y/n) didn’t want to admit that Steve was right. The way things had been left between her and Brett was far from okay. “I’m just so mad at him, how screwed up is that?” she looked up at Steve, tears threatening again. “He had to deal with me being gone, not knowing anything about whether or not I was okay, and then when he saw the one person responsible for that he reacted, and I’m _mad_ at him,” (Y/n) pressed her lips together and looked at the ceiling to keep her tears at bay. 

“I can be there,” Steve said impulsively, “I mean, if that’ll help or if that’s what you want,” he backtracked quickly worried he had overstepped his bounds. He and Brett were close, but he was still just getting to know (Y/n) despite the days she spent at his home recovering. During that time she had been heavily medicated and sleeping most of the time. When she was awake, Bucky was almost always right at her side. It hadn’t been the most conducive situation to get to know (Y/n) personally.

“I really appreciate the offer, Steve,” (Y/n) said and Steve nodded, assuming the topic was now closed. “But,” she chose her words carefully when Steve’s eyes were back on her, “I think it would be more helpful if you were to stay with Bucky while Brett and I work through this,” (Y/n) took a deep breath. Steve was surprised by her suggestion. He hadn’t even thought of Bucky in terms of (Y/n) and Brett’s reconciliation. They would have to come to terms with one another as well eventually. 

“I can do that,” he gave (Y/n) a warm smile which she returned. (Y/n) leaned against his side briefly in a show of thanks, her arms still wrapped around herself. 

Standing upright once again, her attention went back to Bucky. He had been watching the footage alone for quite some time now. Bucky was standing close to the screen, his rapt attention held by the film. (Y/n)’s eyebrows drew down into a frown. He was so still. 

Bucky’s mind was a blur of memories. They faded in and out, sometimes just glimpses of the past, other times he could see the entire scene as if he were watching from above. He saw himself leaning over a map while Steve pointed out details of the missions, strategic locations, and gave orders then immediately saw a man dressed in black doing the same over street maps while he stood silent, armed to the teeth. He was up on a cold mountain, waiting for a train, and then suddenly laying on his stomach on a rooftop with a sniper rifle, waiting for a target hearing the faint noises of his metal arm recalibrating with each shift in movement. 

Bucky was back on a train, a man with an enormous gun strapped to his back fired, Steve pulling him behind him just in time, suddenly he was flying off the roof of a car, flipping over to slow his movement with his metal arm. The man on the train was back, but this time the shield was on the ground in front of him, he picked it up, tentatively stepping forward until the blue charge blew him backwards and out the side of the train. Bucky was holding on for dear life, Steve was there, reaching, reaching, while Bucky desperately held on. Then he was falling. He felt his stomach lurch as he felt the ground slam into him. His arm… the pain was so intense. _…You will be the new fist of HYDRA…_

“Steve,” she leaned towards him, speaking quietly, “Is he alright?” (Y/n) asked and Steve nodded. He recognized the thousand yard stare.

“It’s a lot to take in,” Steve thought back to his first visit to the exhibit. 

(Y/n) knew this excursion would be difficult, but up until now she had been delightfully surprised by Bucky’s ease. Slowly she walked up to Bucky. He was so lost in thought he didn’t hear her soft footfalls until she was right next to him. (Y/n) reached out towards Bucky as she took the last few steps. Steve saw the sudden tension in Bucky’s body and took two long steps forward, reaching to stop (Y/n) but before he could reach her or call her name, Bucky spun and shoved her back as hard as he could.

(Y/n)’s feet left the ground and she went flying backwards. Steve had caught up to her just in time to catch her by the arms, staggering back a step by the force by which Bucky had thrown her. 

“You okay?” Steve asked quickly, making sure (Y/n) had her footing once more though he still held onto her upper arms. Her eyes were wide but she nodded as she went through a mental checklist from her head to her feet. Nothing hurt, her feet were steady under her, her head was fine. 

As soon as Steve let her go she was walking back towards Bucky who had fallen to his knees. He saw her approach and quickly pushed himself backwards until his back hit the wall. Steve was right on (Y/n)’s heels, attempting to stop her but she reached Bucky first, kneeling in front of him. 

“Bucky? It’s me, it’s (Y/n), you’re alright. You’re safe,” she tried to reassure him but he immediately grabbed her throat and spun so he was holding her against the wall by her neck with his metal arm. “Bucky!” (Y/n) croaked. 

Steve froze in his tracks. If he approached, he risked Bucky panicking and hurting (Y/n), if he did nothing Bucky still might not remember himself before he did irreparable damage. 

“Bucky,” Steve said and Bucky whipped his head around, his eyes were emotionless and cold. “James Buchanan Barnes,” he said in warning. Nothing. “Let her go, that’s an order, soldier!” he changed tactics. A look of confusion passed over Bucky’s face and he looked back to (Y/n). She was grasping at his arm with her hands, struggling to get enough air. 

“Where am I,” he said under his breath, “Who…” and then he let go and backed away. “Oh god…” Bucky moaned and held his head in both of his hands, fingers tangled into his hair. 

Steve immediately knelt next to (Y/n) who coughed and sputtered but waved him off. It took several minutes but (Y/n)’s breathing returned to normal if not for an ache in her throat. The three remained still, each taking the other two in, trying to gauge what was going through their minds. Slowly, (Y/n) scooted closer to Bucky who shied away at first. She put her hand on his right arm and when he didn’t react, put her other hand on his face. He was trembling.

“Bucky, Bucky,” her voice was raspy. “Do you know me?” he looked up at her and gave one nod though his eyes immediately darted around the room. “We’re the only ones here, you, me and Steve,” (Y/n) tried to make her rough voice as calm and soothing as possible. _Why didn’t I pay closer attention to him? I’m such an idiot,_ she thought to herself. Little did she know Steve was thinking along the same lines, berating himself for not seeing the signs of Bucky’s distress sooner. “Let’s go home?” (Y/n) asked and Bucky once again nodded standing. His entire presence embodied tension and fear. 

“Are you okay?” Steve was at (Y/n)’s side, his hand holding her elbow while she rubbed against her raw throat. She forced a smile and a nod. 

The walk back to the truck was silent. Bucky’s vigilance had subsided and now he walked staring blankly ahead without seeing. (Y/n) kept her hand on his forearm to guide him back to the truck. All the while Steve watched the two, waiting for Bucky to either snap again or for (Y/n) to show any sign of distress.

Steve opened the back door to the truck and watched as Bucky climbed silently in. (Y/n) made to follow him but Steve caught her arm gently and shook his head. “If something happens I may not be able to pull over and get back there in time,” he warned.

“I’ll be alright,” she said and before he could say another word, she was in the back seat, sitting in the middle so she could be right next to Bucky. She pulled his hand into her lap and reached up to brush the hair hanging in his face behind his ear. He stared straight ahead, his face covered in a cold sweat, his hand limp in (Y/n)’s. It broke her heart to see him sitting like this. 

Steve was in a similar state of worry, though he was calculating all the risks Bucky posed to himself, to (Y/n), to the general population if he decided to run off on his own. _This is bad,_ he thought to himself. _You moron, what did you think? That this was going to be all good times…a trip down memory lane? Well congratulations, that’s exactly what you got,_ Steve berated himself as he got into the driver’s seat. Stalling and worrying would only prolong the potential for disaster. 

It was late by the time they arrived at (Y/n)’s house. Again, (Y/n) guided Bucky out of the truck and to the front door. Once the three were inside, she led him to the couch and he sat without comment. He still hadn’t broken his distant stare. 

“(Y/n), can I speak to you? Alone?” Steve approached her from behind. (Y/n) nodded though she kept her eyes on Bucky.

“I’ll be right back, just walking over here,” she said. She didn’t receive a response and frowned. 

(Y/n) followed Steve back to the foyer, setting her purse down on the table in the entryway. Steve stood in front of her for a moment, thinking about how to speak to (Y/n) about his worries. Before he could gather his thoughts, (Y/n) reached for the door.

“Thank you, for everything. I’m … I’m so sorry my suggestion ended up,” she searched for words but just grimaced. “I was hoping he’d have a breakthrough,” (Y/n)’s voice was tired. She was emotionally and physically spent.

“He did, he really did, (Y/n),” he reassured her but put his hand firmly on the door, keeping it closed. “(Y/n), I’m not leaving you alone with him like this, I can’t,” Steve’s tone changed from sympathetic to authoritative. 

“Steve, you have to leave,” (Y/n) risked a quick glance back at Bucky who sat staring off at nothing. 

“No, he could hurt you, (Y/n)!” Steve raised his voice at her stubbornness. 

“You have to go back home. You have to go back and you have to act like nothing’s wrong,” (Y/n) held him with her eyes. 

“I can’t leave you to deal with him alone. I can’t leave Bucky like this; I need to help him,” Steve implored. He couldn’t imagine leaving her defenseless should Bucky revert to his HYDRA programming.

“What do you think Brett will do if you don’t come home? You have to go and keep him from losing his ever loving mind and coming here. The last thing Bucky needs is to be faced with a real threat,” (Y/n) was adamant in her position. “He could kill Brett.” 

“He could hurt you, (Y/n),” Steve’s argument was weakening. (Y/n) was being far more logical than he was and he knew it but his point was valid as well. “He could easily kill you,” he put his hands on her shoulders. Steve couldn’t let her stay in such a dangerous situation for many reasons, none of which he let himself get caught up in. He didn’t have the time to think about his motives, not right now.

“He could’ve done a lot of things to me since the accident and he hasn’t,” (Y/n)’s voice was more gentle now as she saw Steve’s fear show through. “I’ll be okay, Bucky will be okay,” she put her hand on Steve’s arm and stepped back so his hands slid from her shoulders down her arms.

“I don’t like this,” his resolve crumbled.

“Honestly, neither do I. I’m worried about him,” she cast a look at Bucky sitting on the couch, his head now in his hands. 

“You text me, every hour. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll text you and if I don’t get a response within five minutes I’m coming over here,” there was no mistaking the seriousness of his words. Steve would absolutely be up all night and wouldn’t hesitate to drop everything and drive over no matter the time.

“I promise, I’ll even set an alarm on my phone,” (Y/n) said and reached for the doorknob. She needed to get back to Bucky.

“I’m serious, every hour, (Y/n),” he looked around her once more at Bucky. “I’m worried about you, but he’s my oldest friend. I can’t lose him again.” 

“I know, Steve,” (Y/n) tried her best to give him a reassuring smile. “I’ll take good care of him,” she gave his arm one final squeeze before he finally stepped out and closed the door behind him.

(Y/n) leaned against the door once it was shut, letting her head fall against the dark oak beside her hand. She was in for one long night. So was Bucky. She made her way back over to Bucky and knelt in front of him. Tentatively she reached out to touch his hand, testing his response to her. His skin was so cold. When he did nothing, she reached up with her other hand to his face, to guide it so he was looking right at her. Relief washed over her when she saw his eyes refocus on her face instead of staring straight through her as he had been.

“Come on, a hot shower will do wonders,” (Y/n) said grasping his hand and urging him to stand. He followed her wordlessly to the bathroom, standing and staring off wherever she left him as she gathered towels and clean clothes. (Y/n) turned on the tap, letting the water warm. 

As the bathroom began to fill with steam, she took Bucky’s arm and once more pulled him along, this time towards the shower. When he just stood there staring at the tiled tub, (Y/n) ran a hand back through her hair. _Well, this isn’t working,_ she sighed and chewed on her lip as she thought through what she was about to do. 

Before she lost her nerve, she reached out to gently lift the hem of his shirt. “Arms up, Bucky,” (Y/n) said gently. Wordlessly, Bucky complied and (Y/n) pulled his shirt over his head. “You might want to take your pants off, too?” she said stepping back to turn around. 

When he made no move to do anything, (Y/n) closed her eyes and swallowed her anxiety. _Relax, nothing weird about this, he’s shut down, he needs you,_ she tried to reassure herself. _And just how do you even know what he needs right now?_ (Y/n) clenched her jaw and forced her inner monologue to shut up. She was going off instinct at this point and she decided she wouldn’t question it. There was enough tension without second guessing herself every step of the way.

Her phone buzzed from its place on the bathroom counter. Quickly she glanced at the screen. _Just got home, I’m serious about the texting, (Y/n) – Steve,_ the message read and (Y/n) shook her head. He had good reason to be worried but she couldn’t be interrupted constantly. She paused, thinking of the best way to respond. _How the hell do I explain what’s going on right now and have him not flip out…_ she sighed. (Y/n) typed out a quick response. _Getting him ready for bed, it might take a while, give me an hour and a half. He’s just staring now, passive… but I’ll be careful, --(Y/n)_ . Within a minute Steve replied. _Alright, I’ll do that,_ . (Y/n) put her phone back on the counter.

(Y/n) walked back to Bucky who was still nearly catatonic. She sighed as she felt her cheeks blush. “Alright, sergeant, don’t get any ideas,” (Y/n) tried to laugh but her eyes betrayed her anxiety. 

She reached forward and unfastened the button and then the zipper of Bucky’s pants and slowly lowered them. With a tap to the side of his ankle, she got him to step out of each pant leg. “Ah, shit,” she whispered to herself as she worked up the courage to reach for the waistband of Bucky’s boxers. (Y/n) pointedly looked up at Bucky’s face while she slid the elastic down and let them fall to the floor. She took each of Bucky’s hands and had him step forward away from the pile of clothes on the floor. 

“Come on, into the shower,” she said after sticking her hand under the water to make sure it wasn’t too hot or too cold. Bucky complied, stepping in, standing still under the stream of water. She saw the tension ease ever so slightly from his shoulders. He stood there for a solid five minutes before (Y/n) realized that he wasn’t going to do anything. (Y/n) closed her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair, holding it on top of her head out of her eyes as she considered what she was about to do.

(Y/n) pulled her top off over her head and let her sweats fall to the floor. She left her black sports bra and black underwear on. _Hell, it’s more modest than most bathing suits,_ she sighed and stepped into the shower. She had him sit on the built in shower bench and repositioned the shower head so that he would still be under the warm water. 

Bucky was still withdrawn, not questioning anything (Y/n) was having him do. She feared he was back in his passive role as a HYDRA weapon, going where he was told, following orders, being an empty shell of a man. (Y/n) grabbed his shampoo and poured some into her hand and began to work it into his hair. After a minute, she saw his eyes close and he released a tense breath he had been holding. She spent a long time washing his hair, and then carefully rinsing it, doing all she could to keep the suds from getting in his eyes.

“Put your head back and close your eyes,” she said quietly and Bucky complied. (Y/n) ran her fingers through his hair until it was completely rinsed and there were no more tangles. She gently grabbed his hands and urged him to stand now, turning so the water hit his back and she could stand in front of him. His soap smelled so good as she lathered it and began to wash his chest and then down his right arm. (Y/n) scrubbed gently and then turned him so she could wash his back. She knelt down behind him and washed each of his legs and then reached for his right hand, placing the washcloth in it. 

“Go on, wash the rest of yourself,” she prompted when he simply stared at it. (Y/n) turned her back. She had been pointedly trying to maintain his privacy and dignity and had managed to do a decent job so far though she was sure she was blushing furiously. At least the heat from the steam could be blamed.

(Y/n) heard the wet washcloth splat against the tile floor when Bucky dropped it. She turned to see him standing there, still under the hot stream of water. At least now he was looking at her instead of through her. 

“Time to dry off,” she said kindly and opened the frosted glass door. She grabbed a big fluffy towel and dried Bucky’s back before handing it to him to wrap around himself. “Just… wait a minute here?” she gestured to the closed toilet lid. “You can sit if you want,” (Y/n) added as she stepped back into the shower, shutting the door once again. She was soaked head to toe. Getting a sopping wet sports bra off was an adventure but soon she was freed from it and her underwear joined it and the washcloth on the shower floor. 

(Y/n) washed quickly, relaxing a bit herself finally as the smell of her shampoo and soap filled the room. They were comforting smells, ones that reminded her of normalcy, of routine. Once she was finished she rinsed quickly and turned the water off. It had started to run cool and she was relieved she had finished before the hot water had completely run out. (Y/n) grabbed another giant bath towel and wrapped it around herself before stepping out of the shower.

She took Bucky by the hand and led him to her room. They stopped in front of the bench at the foot of her bed where Bucky’s small collection of clothing was folded in small piles. (Y/n) handed him a pair of boxers while she grabbed her phone to give Steve a quick text to say that all was well. This became the routine for the rest of the night. (Y/n) would send Steve a message of and his response would consist of a quick _Alright, just keep me updated_. 

(Y/n) turned to see Bucky standing there, watching her, waiting for some kind of signal or instructions. “Bucky, do you want to get some rest?” (Y/n) asked him. She hated just telling him what to do, it broke her heart. Now that he was at least acknowledging her she hoped he might be coming around. Instead of saying anything, Bucky just walked to the side of the bed and lay down. (Y/n) held her towel around her with one hand while she turned to find something to sleep in. She held underwear, sleep shorts, and a tank top in her freehand while she glanced over her shoulder at Bucky. His eyes were still glued to her. (Y/n) couldn’t help but wonder in what capacity he was seeing her. Handler? Mother? Sister? Lover? His stare was undecipherable. 

Keeping her back to Bucky, (Y/n) ever so carefully slipped her underwear on underneath her towel, followed by her shorts. Taking a deep breath she let her towel drop and put her black sleep top on before she could think about her situation too carefully. (Y/n) towel dried her hair for a few minutes before she brushed it out and tied it up loosely to keep it out of her face. 

“Do you think you can sleep?” (Y/n) finally asked Bucky after putting on some deodorant. Bucky shook his head minutely. _An answer…at least that’s something_ (Y/n) thought to herself. “Alright, here,” she said impulsively and motioned for Bucky to sit on the edge of the bed. Bucky didn’t question as (Y/n) knelt behind him and gently began to knead his right shoulder. She felt him let out another tense breath and his body began to relax ever so slightly. 

Not long after she had been working on his shoulder she urged him wordlessly to lay on his stomach. (Y/n) wasn’t sure where she was going with this or why, but he was obviously tense and this was one of the few ways she knew she could at least help him relax. Talking wasn’t an option, the extent of her knowledge of medicine extended to Tylenol for headaches and Advil for cramps, and she highly doubted there was a psychologist that was even remotely equipped to deal with all of the issues going on with Bucky.

(Y/n) methodically worked along Bucky’s back, feeling him slowly relax at her touch. By the time she reached his lower back, she was blushing. She couldn’t help but think of how just a few hours earlier this undeniably attractive man had been kissing her breathless. Her worry for him still ate at her though. 

“Lay on your back? Unless you’re more comfortable like this?” she left the option open for him to choose. Bucky slowly turned until he was lying on his back, looking down at (Y/n) who was close to the foot of the bed. (Y/n) picked up on of his legs and put it in her lap, massaging the muscles gently at first before pressing more firmly. Ever so slowly, Bucky’s eyes began to drift closed, only to open and fixate on (Y/n) once again. “You can fall asleep if you want,” her voice was barely above a whisper.

“Don’t want to,” he managed to say. (Y/n) nodded, speechless herself but relieved that he had finally said something. She picked up his other leg and worked meticulously over the tight muscles until Bucky was in far better shape than he had been just an hour prior. (Y/n) crawled up the bed so she was sitting on Bucky’s right. She picked up his arm and began to massage his forearm. He watched her, curious. “Never have someone massage you before?” (Y/n) raised an eyebrow. Bucky just shook his head. _Thank the lord, he’s responsive at least, have to tell Steve next time I text,_ she thought. 

(Y/n) worked on his arm for the next twenty minutes until Bucky’s eyes began to droop. He was exhausted, physically, mentally, emotionally. (Y/n) gently placed his hand on his stomach and got up to turn the lights out. Lightning fast, Bucky’s arm shot out and grabbed her by the elbow. Fear instantly filled (Y/n)’s chest as she spun to look at him.

“Leave it on,” he implored her, his eyes wild with fear once again.

“Alright,” (Y/n) whispered, taking a deep breath. She closed the door and sent another text to Steve, this time telling him that both she and Bucky were exhausted and that she thought they would both be asleep soon. He wasn’t thrilled with the idea of not getting updates but he didn’t argue and (Y/n) was thankful for that.

(Y/n) covered Bucky up with the soft down duvet and climbed in next to him, sitting with her back to the headboard. She was surprised when she felt him move close to her and put his head on her lap. Without thinking about it, (Y/n) ran her fingers through his hair, lightly scraping her nails against his scalp. She smiled when she heard him give a soft groan and wrap his arm around her to rest his hand against her side. 

“Sleep, Bucky, you’re safe,” was all she said and Bucky finally drifted off, never loosening his grip on (Y/n).

When Bucky awoke later that night he was curled protectively around (Y/n). Her back was pressed firmly against his chest and his hand was wrapped around her waist, holding her tightly. His forehead was pressed against the back of (Y/n)’s neck and he could smell the sweet scent of her shampoo. God she smelled so good, she felt so good against him. He leaned forward and began to kiss the back of her neck. 

“What are you doing, Soldier?” he heard a voice rasp from behind him. He froze, fear and anger playing across his face. He refused to turn to meet the intruder. “She’s your mission,” the man’s voice was now right above him, whispering down in his ear. “You’ve done beautifully, she trusts you… now finish it,” the man hissed. Bucky turned and his eyes went wide. 

“Rumlow?” he said confused and terrified. The man backhanded Bucky. 

“Bad form, soldier. No names in HYDRA, only order,” he said and stood back folding his arms. “Now, finish your mission,” he held out a knife to Bucky. Bucky took it warily. As soon as his fingers wrapped around the hilt he pulled (Y/n) closer and pressed the knife to her throat. His entire body trembled but he couldn’t pull the knife away. He couldn’t let her go. 

“Please, don’t make me,” Bucky was on the verge of tears.

“Bucky?” (Y/n) said sleepily rolling to face him. He had to adjust and scoot back to keep the knife in position and prevent her from unknowingly slitting her own throat. “Mmm, what is it, Bucky?” she sighed as she opened her eyes. 

She ignored the knife at her throat and reached up and ran her fingers once through his hair. Could she not see the man behind him? She must still be half asleep. 

“(Y/n), you need to run,” Bucky said as quietly as he could. She had to get away, she just had to.

“What are you talking about, Bucky?” she said and glanced down at the knife and then back up at him as if nothing were wrong. She pressed herself closer to him and Bucky’s eyes went wide when he saw a thin line of red appear as the top layers of skin were cut. “Mm, this is nice,” (Y/n) sighed and tried to lean up to kiss him. 

“Steve!!” Bucky shouted, desperate for someone to come and stop him. He was frozen, unable to pull the knife away, unable to push (Y/n) away from him to safety, unable to turn and kill his former handler. Rumlow chuckled behind him, arms still folded. (Y/n) gazed dreamily up into Bucky’s eyes, she seemed to not register Bucky’s cries for help.

Steve appeared in the doorway, leaning casually against the frame. “You really want me here for this? You two look pretty cozy there,” he smirked at his friend. Bucky turned his head to look at Steve. Had everyone in this world lost their fucking mind? 

“Steve, you have to get (Y/n) out of here. Please, you gotta save her,” he was desperate. 

Steve laughed and shook his head. “What, are you asking me to save her virtue?” he smirked. “Never thought I’d see the day, Buck,” he scoffed and folded his arms. “She doesn’t seem to mind…” he nodded towards where (Y/n) was gazing lovingly up at Bucky. A scream tore from Bucky’s lips as the knife began to press harder against (Y/n)’s skin.

Bucky jolted awake, panting, eyes darting around the room. No one. There was no one there. No knife, (Y/n) was pushed up on an elbow, eyes bleary as she tried to get herself oriented. Bucky flopped back onto his back, his chest still heaving.

“Bucky?” (Y/n) whispered, concerned. “Bucky, it was a dream, whatever it was, it wasn’t real,” she whispered and Bucky swallowed thickly, nodding. It took a minute but he finally caught his breath and convinced himself that everything was in fact alright. “What can I do?” (Y/n) asked finally. Bucky opened his eyes and searched her face. There was none of the indifference he had seen in his dream, none of the apathy. All he found there was concern and something he couldn’t place.

In answer, he opened his arms, his eyes begging for her to come to him. (Y/n) nodded and gave him a smile and scooted close to him. Soon her head was on his shoulder, his arm around her back, and her legs tangled with his. 

“Whatever it was…” she said again, “It wasn’t real, Bucky. We’re safe here,” (Y/n) whispered. Bucky took a deep, cleansing breath when she said ‘we.’ 

“Just promise me you’ll be safe,” Bucky tilted her chin up so he could look at her. In answer, (Y/n) slowly leaned up and placed a chaste kiss on his lips and nodded.

“Promise,” she whispered. Bucky watched her for a long moment, torn between wanting to let her sleep and wanting to kiss her again. He needed to know she was real, that she wasn’t going anywhere, that she wasn’t in danger, that she meant everything that she had ever said to him. 

He rolled (Y/n) over so that he was hovering above her. (Y/n) was now wide awake as she let her hands rest against Bucky’s bare chest. Without wasting another moment, Bucky leaned down and kissed (Y/n) deeply. (Y/n) moaned softly, surprised by his intensity, but it only took her a moment to reciprocate in kind. 

“(Y/n),” Bucky groaned against her lips and tugged on her bottom lip with his teeth. He kissed down her neck, down her shoulder, over her collar bone. His kisses interrupted with gentle nips and licks. “I’m so sorry, I was so scared…” he said against her skin, unable to look up at her eyes. 

(Y/n) reached for Bucky’s head to tug it back up to her lips. She kissed him gently this time. She wasn’t sure what was going through his head but she refused to let him simply kiss her breathless after that comment. “It’s okay, would it make you feel better if I told you I accepted your apology?” (Y/n) asked, genuine concern in her eyes. Bucky thought a moment and the nodded. “I accept your apology, Bucky. My neck is fine,” she whispered and he could see only a faint bruise from earlier that night. He nodded and leaned down to kiss the hand shaped bruise. “I—I think we should get some sleep, Bucky,” she whispered when his kisses began to roam over her chest once more. (Y/n) wanted more than anything to let whatever was happening continue, but Bucky was obviously still distressed. “We have all the time in the world for this,” she added.

“I don’t think I want to sleep just yet,” Bucky leaned back. The look of sadness in his eyes broke (Y/n)’s heart. 

“You don’t have to,” (Y/n) said and leaned forward. “Just tell me what I can do,” she said and Bucky laid back. He thought for a long minute, adjusting himself as surreptitiously as possible under the blanket. 

“Let me hold you, (Y/n). Please, I need to hold you,” he finally met her eyes once more and was relieved to see a smile on her face.

“You never have to ask for that,” she laughed and once again fell forward into Bucky’s arms. He quickly pulled her close to him, arms wrapped around her, legs tangled with hers, head buried in her hair while her forehead rested in the crook of his neck and shoulder. “Could stay here forever…” (Y/n) mumbled and soon her eyes were closing of their own accord. “Wake me if you need me? Please?” she managed to say before completely falling asleep.

“I will,” he said and kissed the top of her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys SO SO SO much for all your kind comments! They were so sweet and made my day! I can only hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! I've spent the past 3 weeks writing this chapter and the last chapter in my head so getting it all typed out has been beyond satisfying! Let me know what you thought! Much love <3 you guys are the best! *muah*


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Smut but it's very tame. Another update and then this one gets a break for a little bit while I work on the Cost of Being a Good Samaritan :)
> 
> You guys have been awesome! Your comments mean the world to me! Thank you so much for your support!
> 
> I also have a sneaking suspicion you guys aren't gonna be thrilled with me for the ending of this chapter though! Ack! I love you? Pwomise?

Once Bucky was able to fall back asleep, he slept deeply and without dreams terrorizing him. He had no idea when his previous nightmare had woken both him and (Y/n) up, but it must have been hours ago. Even now, he was still only on the cusp of wakefulness, curled once again around (Y/n). 

For once, Bucky felt good, his whole body felt good. He was vaguely aware of how close (Y/n) was to him, the warmth of her body against his chest, all the way down to his legs which fit in so perfectly behind hers. His arm tightened ever so slightly around (Y/n)’s waist, pulling her back against him even more than she had been. 

(Y/n) gave a sleepy grunt at the movement but her hand went to Bucky’s, holding it against her even in her sleep. Bucky however, was slowly starting to come around though he continued to slip back and forth between sleep and wakefulness. _(Y/n)_ Bucky thought in his sleepy haze, _god, why does she feel so good?_ he grunted, burying his head against her neck, her hair soft against his cheek. 

Slowly, Bucky became aware that he was pressing his hips harder and harder against (Y/n). Half asleep, he began to mouth gentle kisses against (Y/n)’s neck and back. His mouth kissed wherever was convenient; he wasn’t awake enough for purposeful movement. 

Bucky began to awaken when he heard (Y/n) softly moan his name. Only then did he realize how aroused he was, and that he had started rubbing himself forward against the curve of (Y/n)’s backside. 

_Yes, fuck yes,_ Bucky groaned, his hand tightening on (Y/n)’s hip as he pushed himself forward against her harder. He heard another soft moan from her and realized she was started to push backwards into him, rolling her hips in time with his. 

“(Y/n),” he whispered. She whimpered in response, holding tightly to his hand. A particularly vigorous arch of (Y/n)’s back brought friction that made Bucky’s mouth fall slack in a silent groan. His eyes finally opened and he realized he was continuing to rub himself against (Y/n) who was in turn arching her back against him, making soft noises that made Bucky want to roll her over and crash his lips against hers. It became clear quickly that she was still mostly asleep, though her movements were becoming more eager as were his. 

Bucky had to think fast. When he heard (Y/n) mumble his name he froze. Carefully he propped himself up on his elbow. He could see her face, eyes shut, lips parted and brow furrowed but certainly not awake.

“Bucky?” she said again, as if she were searching for him.

He was torn. He desperately wanted to lean down and kiss her until she woke up, to let his hands wander her body, to take her top and shorts off, to feel what it was like to lay against her skin. Bucky’s breathing quickened as he thought of all he could do, desperately wanted to do, with (Y/n), all the while rubbing his palm between his legs.

Could he stop now? It wasn’t right. She wasn’t awake. But she could be, he could wake her up – she was saying his name, she was obviously in a similar state and wanting _him_. Another soft moan left (Y/n)’s lips as she searched for the contact that had been so abruptly taken from her, sending Bucky into motion.

Quickly but carefully, Bucky slipped out of bed. He couldn’t take it anymore, but neither could he bring himself to risk waking (Y/n) and finding this to be some horrible misunderstanding on his part. He wouldn’t be able to bear it. 

As quietly as he could, Bucky shut the bathroom door behind him and stepped out of his boxers. He leaned forward against the tiled wall, bracing himself with his metal forearm while gripping himself with his right hand. Slowly he moved his hand back and forth and immediately his head dropped forward to rest against the back of his left arm. Bucky’s mouth hung slack at the sensation. He wouldn’t last long, not after all that time pressed against (Y/n). (Y/n)… he thought about how she had arched against him, how she had moaned his name in her sleep. He imagined what might happen if she were there in the bathroom with him and slowly came undone. 

\--

A soft click brought (Y/n) closer to wakefulness. She was confused, Bucky had been right there, she had felt him… she thought she had at least. Dream? Apparently a vivid dream… (Y/n) thought to herself. She rolled onto her back and sighed. As her legs squeezed together while she stretched, she moaned at the slight friction she felt between her legs. 

_So sleepy,_ (Y/n) thought and rolled onto her side. Maybe if she fell back asleep before she woke up any further she would find herself back in that dream with Bucky once more.

\--

It took everything in him not to cry out (Y/n)’s name. Bucky stood, panting with eyes closed as he continued to lean against the wall, his head resting near the arm supporting his weight. _If only (Y/n) were here, not in the other room,_ he thought, taking a deep breath while he collected himself. 

Bucky cleaned himself and the bathroom of all evidence of his presence. As he tossed the tissues into the trash, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He leaned closer, turning his head, inspecting his reflection, trying to see any bit of the man in the film footage. With one hand he pulled his hair back out of his face. 

_Where are those…things (Y/n) has everywhere,_ Bucky thought and began to look through the vanity drawers for one of her hair ties. Finally finding an ungodly number in a box, he clumsily tied his hair back. _Better,_ he thought. He could see more of the shape of his face and saw more of the young soldier staring back at him. 

Bucky ran a hand over the stubble that had grown over the past week. It was nearly a beard at this point. He had been clean shaven in most of the pictures and footage he’d seen, maybe that would help. It was still difficult to reconcile his memories with the ones he felt he was experiencing through someone else’s eyes. Turning the tap, he let the water warm up while he got his razor and shaving cream out. By the time he’d finished he was staring at a face that closely resembled the one from his memories. It was odd, but it was comforting. 

_Barnes you idiot, you’ve left a beautiful woman all alone in a bed,_ he stared at his reflection, dumbfounded.

Without a second thought he flipped the light off and made his way back towards the bed.

(Y/n) was curled up on her side facing the edge of the bed and Bucky couldn’t help himself. He sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at her for a long moment before he put his right hand on her arm, running his fingertips along her smooth skin. As his hand reached hers, he squeezed it and leaned over (Y/n), kissing her forehead.

(Y/n) opened her eyes to find herself face to face with Bucky. She frowned in concern. “Are you alright? Did you have another nightmare? Memory?” she moved to sit up but Bucky didn’t back away so all she managed to do was move closer to his face. 

He shook his head and let his eyes wander her face, a smile tugging at his lips. She was so beautiful. Bucky thought he heard her ask a question but instead of answering he leaned forward and kissed her lips once, pleased when he felt her lips respond to his. He let his eyes drift shut as his nose skimmed along her jawline to her ear.

“Bucky?” he heard her panting as she tried to get his attention. Bucky took a deep breath, letting the smell of (Y/n)’s skin bewitch him before he kissed her ear. She called his name again, barely managing to string words together. “Talk to me, Bucky. What… what’s going on?” she was too worried about how she’d seen him last night. 

“Would you just shut up for a minute?” Bucky murmured against the skin just behind her ear and kissed down her neck, smiling. (Y/n)’s eyes closed and her head fell back. 

(Y/n) sighed as she felt Bucky’s lips roam over her neck, kissing and mouthing lazily at her skin. Her heart was racing. She let her fingers slide into his hair when he finally returned to her lips, giving her one more gentle kiss before resting his forehead against hers. While he let his breathing return to normal, he carefully placed his hand alongside (Y/n)’s cheek, brushing over it with his thumb. 

“Where’s all this come from?” (Y/n) asked, her eyes lidded. Bucky brushed his lips against hers once more before smirking.

“I told you yesterday that this wasn’t over,” he whispered. 

(Y/n) carefully moved over so Bucky could lie down beside her. Immediately he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her. When he felt her hook her leg over his and press her body against his, his breath hitched. He felt a deep ache in his chest down to his stomach – he couldn’t remember the last time he felt that. What did it mean again? 

Tentatively, (Y/n) kissed Bucky’s chest where her head lay before looking up at Bucky. She wasn’t surprised to see him watching her intently and leaned up to press a kiss to his lips. It was her turn to kiss along his jaw. 

“You shaved,” she whispered, kissing one side of his jaw and neck while she caressed the other side. 

Bucky let out a low grunt of acknowledgement, her lips felt too good for him to form words. He was surprised when (Y/n) slowly pulled herself on top of him, but let his hands go instinctively to her back to steady her. His eyes drifted shut when he felt her kiss down the side of his neck and over towards his shoulder. His _left_ shoulder, he realized and froze. (Y/n) began to kiss along the scars she found there, glancing up when she felt him tense and then breathing a sigh of relief when he relaxed. She let herself have smug satisfaction when she felt Bucky’s breath hitch as she kissed the hollow of his throat. 

“If you keep doing that…” his voice trailed off when (Y/n) gently grazed her teeth over his neck. With a growl he rolled her over, holding her hands above her head. “If you keep doing that, I’m not going to be able to restrain myself,” Bucky murmured and his lips were on her chest, one hand tugging the top of her shirt down. _How can her skin feel this good?_ He thought to himself. 

When he reached her stomach, he pulled her shirt off and saw the red puckered scar. It would fade in time, but night now it was like a beacon betraying her weakness. It was only last night that she had needed to rest simply from walking, now wasn’t the time to test her strength. Bucky immediately stopped and pulled her shirt down and pulled her against him so the two could simply rest for the morning. 

“Is… did I do something?” (Y/n) asked worried about the sudden change in Bucky. 

Bucky looked down at her and gave her a small smile and shook his head. “I just forgot myself, and the fact that you’re still not at 100%,” he smiled sadly. 

“I.. so you don’t want me? I’m confused,” (Y/n) admitted. It was difficult to take in Bucky’s drastic changes, even with all the effort she put into it. 

“That’s not it at all, doll,” he said and kissed the side of her head and then her lips. While he kissed her lips he took her hand and boldly put it on his lower stomach, sliding it down. “Believe me,” his voice dropped when he set her hand over him to feel how hard he was. “Believe me, I want you,” Bucky worked to control his voice. (Y/n) bit her lip and slowly stroked him and Bucky’s mouth dropped open. He let her hand move while he kissed her lips but before long he took ahold of her hand to stop her. “If you don’t stop now I’m gonna want more, and I don’t… I just want to hold you, to kiss you,” he whispered pulling her hand so her arm was wrapped around him, hand resting on his back.

“Alright,” (Y/n) whispered and tucked her head in under his chin. “But…’this…’ “ she pointed between the two of them and smirked, “ ‘ this isn’t over,’” she smirked using his comment from yesterday. Bucky chuckled and squeezed her close to him. 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, baby doll,” he murmured against her head. 

(Y/n) was pleasantly shocked at Bucky’s 180 degree turn about from the previous night. She had spent most of the night worrying about him. He had been so catatonic – she’d feared he might never snap out of it. Now she was looking up at him while he lay holding her, eyes closed, running his hand up and down her back and she couldn’t help the flutter in her chest at the sight.

Reaching up she pushed at the stray hairs that had fallen out of the pony tail he’d tied his hair back into. “Is this one of my hair ties?” (Y/n) asked with a smile. Bucky grunted in response.

“I’ll give it back if you like,” he said reaching up but (Y/n) stopped his hand, lacing her fingers with his. 

“No, I like being able to see your face,” she said. “Do you like it like that? Back out of your face I mean?”

“Well, it’s convenient,” Bucky started, searching for how to explain to her how he was feeling. “I—I couldn’t see the man…I couldn’t see myself as I was before. I thought if I got my hair out of the way it would help,” he still wasn’t sure he was explaining himself well. 

“Do you want to cut it?” (Y/n) asked suddenly and Bucky furrowed his brow. He hadn’t even thought of that. It would certainly make things easier. But what if he didn’t feel like his old self? What if it didn’t do anything? Would he be disappointed?

“Well, if Ma saw me with hair like this I’d be sat down in a barber’s chair before you could snap your fingers,” he chuckled and (Y/n) laughed along with him.

“I wish I could’ve met her. She seems like one spunky lady,” (Y/n) said squeezing Bucky’s hand.

“She had to be. Lord, between Steve and I,” he just shook his head and laughed. Suddenly he froze. “Oh god, Steve,” he wiped his hand over his face. “I need to talk to him.”

(Y/n) was shocked by Bucky so suddenly talking about Steve. She moved cautiously but deliberately as she lifted herself so she could look at Bucky. His eyes were closed and his hand was covering them as he took a deep breath.

“You started remembering more last night, didn’t you?” she asked and Bucky only nodded. “How much came back?”

“I don’t even know how to answer that,” Bucky sighed and looked at the ceiling. “A lot though,” he finally added and (Y/n) took a deep breath of relief. “I’d understand if you don’t want me around anymore,” Bucky said suddenly and (Y/n) looked up at him in shock. 

“Why on earth would you think that?” she said giving him a disapproving look.

Why indeed? Maybe because he remembered not only his life before the war, before the Howling Commandos, but also a good chunk of his time as HYDRA’s Asset. He was a killing machine, honed and perfected. If she only knew half of the things he’d done…not even half…a single story would send her running. Or at the very least, it should send her running. 

“Because I could be dangerous to you, what I know could be dangerous for you, and,” he took a deep breath, “because if you knew more about me you’d be disgusted.” 

(Y/n) pulled Bucky’s head down to hers so she could kiss him again. “Don’t you dare ever say that,” she whispered. The idea of him being gone made her feel suddenly sick. How on earth could she have possibly developed feelings for someone so quickly? For someone who had been involved the way she and Bucky had been for the past week. (Y/n) decided it was time to end this line of discussion once and for all. “James Barnes, please promise me you won’t leave me,” she whispered, her eyes fixed on his. She had laid everything out on the line and was waiting for him to either pull her towards safety or cut her lifeline. Bucky’s eyes softened and then closed as he leaned forward to kiss her forehead, then her eyelids and finally her lips. 

“Do you really mean that?” he whispered. (Y/n) just nodded emphatically, not trusting her voice. Bucky thought his chest might burst as he pulled her tightly against him and kissed her lips once more. “Then I promise,” he said. He could not have made such a declaration even 24 hours earlier. For now, he and (Y/n) were content to lay there.

“You never did answer my question,” (Y/n) finally said once she was sure she could speak without her voice trembling with emotion. 

“What question was that?” 

“If you wanted to cut your hair,” she laughed and Bucky rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know,” he sighed and tugged it out of the pony tail. 

It was oddly comforting to feel his hair around his face. It hid him, he was used to it. But he could also remember standing in front of a mirror with a comb, perfecting his hair before going out to dance with a beautiful dame. 

“Bucky, it’s only hair,” (Y/n) laughed at how noncommittal he was being. “Worst case scenario you hate it and it grows back in a few months,” she said and ran her fingers through his hair. “Best case, you love it,” (Y/n) kept running her fingers through his hair until he had closed his eyes once more. 

After some time he opened his eyes and sighed dramatically. “Will I still get head massages like that if I cut my hair?” he smirked down at (Y/n) who laughed and nodded.

“Absolutely, Mr. Barnes,” she said seductively and leaned up and teased him with her lips barely touching his until he grabbed the back of her head and pulled her to him for a heated kiss. When they finally separated, (Y/n) sat up and took Bucky’s hand to join her. “Let’s go then,” she said and began to get ready to leave the house.

Bucky swallowed nervously when he saw (Y/n) pull her shirt off, her back to him. His eyes roamed over the expanse of skin while she put on a bra and then a shirt. (Y/n) didn’t hear Bucky doing anything but that meant nothing the man was silent even when he was going to get a glass of water. Finally she turned to see him staring and she blushed. 

“Sorry,” she said sheepishly. Over the weeks she had just grown accustomed to Bucky constantly being at her side. Changing without even thinking wasn’t her smartest move. He was probably embarrassed, she certainly was for her presumption. Once again she looked at Bucky and saw his red cheeks and flushed chest. Mistaking that for embarrassment she quickly began to apologize again but Bucky strode forward to stop her with a kiss. 

“Don’t apologize, just promise me that’s not the last time I get to see you like that,” his voice was deep and thick with meaning. It was (Y/n)’s turn to blush as she nodded. 

“I promise,” she gave a shy smirk and kissed him once more.

Within a half hour, both were dressed and had eaten breakfast. They were almost out the door when (Y/n) turned abruptly and told Bucky to wait. A minute later she returned carrying a printed picture from the internet. It was of Bucky back during the war. 

“You can give this to the barber, say that’s the cut you want,” she said. Bucky gave her a warm smile. It would be one less awkward conversation with a stranger he would have to figure out and he was grateful for that. “Let’s go,” she said and the two left hand in hand, getting into (Y/n)’s car to drive into town. 

At the barber shop, (Y/n) gave Bucky the picture and sat in one of the chairs in the entryway. Bucky was wary to let her out of his sight but the number of people in the busy shop helped. If someone were to try and do something to (Y/n), enough of a commotion would be raised that he could be there in no time. 

(Y/n) took the time to text Steve. He immediately texted back chastising that she should’ve texted sooner and that he nearly had driven over there at 6am. (Y/n) blushed to think of what he would’ve found if he came to her place at that time.

_He’s doing well, we’re actually at the barber_

_**Seriously? His idea or yours?** _

_A little of both. He told me this morning that he remembered stuff last night_

_**That much was pretty obvious, (Y/n),** _

_He was talking about you Steve, he was referring to you by name, talked a bit about his mom,_ She tried to get Steve to grasp the magnitude of the situation. It was a long time before Steve texted back.

_**This -- you’re serious, (Y/n)? Really?**_

(Y/n) could only imagine Steve in his apartment, pacing, worrying. 

_I’m serious, he’s…he’s different today_

_**Different how? Good? Bad?** _

(Y/n) sighed and shook his head. How could she answer all of these, worse, what if it upset Bucky that she and Steve were talking about him?

_Steve, how about we just stop by after we’re done here and you can see him yourself? He said that he needed to talk to you, anyway_

_**Please, yes, absolutely yes. Brett’s out for the day back at HQ, bring Bucky by whenever you can** _

_Will do, see you soon_

(Y/n) sat and waited for another 10 minutes before Bucky stepped out, hair cut and styled perfectly. She felt butterflies in her stomach as she looked at him standing before him with a cocky grin on his face. 

“What do you think, doll?” he asked and swept (Y/n) up by her waist to stand pressed against him. (Y/n) blushed at their potentially compromising position in such a public place but Bucky didn’t seem to mind one bit. 

“I like it. Looks like you do too,” she said leaning up to kiss his smiling lips. 

Without a word he led her from the shop out into the mall. It was now early afternoon and there were crowds of people. People pressed in close around them, doing their best to avoid bumping into Bucky though (Y/n) was being jostled left and right. Soon she felt her chest tighten and she began to look around for people trying to get to her. _Stop being paranoid, you’re fine_ she thought to herself. Minutes later though her heart was racing so fast she thought it might burst. Her breaths were coming in gasps and Bucky stopped and turned her by the shoulders to look her in the eye.

“(Y/n) what’s wrong?” he asked and suddenly tears started streaming down her face.

“I, I can’t breathe, Bucky,” (Y/n) grasped at his shirt. Without a second thought, Bucky lifted her up and carried her outside, his long stride making quick work of the walk. As soon as she was out in the fresh air and away from all the people he set her down and made her sit, holding her hands and making her breathe slowly. 

“I’ve got you,” he whispered when she fell forward against his chest. “I’ve got you, (Y/n),” Bucky said against her hair and kissed her head. “You’re safe, no one can get you,” he said over and over again.

He could only imagine what had triggered such a panic attack. He’d had too many to count since his escape from HYDRA. All he could do was try to calm her, no one had ever been there during his except for (Y/n). 

“I’m sorry,” she started to whimper out apology after apology only to have Bucky shush her. 

“Come on, let’s get to the car,” he pulled her up and helped her to the passenger seat. 

“I promised Steve we’d go visit,” (Y/n) admitted sheepishly. The corner of Bucky’s mouth twitched into a half smile. He figured (Y/n) would have told Steve about what had happened – he had made her promise to text him updates. 

“Alright,” he said popping into the driver’s seat. “Where are we heading,” Bucky turned the key and pulled out confidently into traffic. (Y/n) was surprised by how at ease he was behind the wheel. She guessed it must have some background in his HYDRA training. It would be inconvenient to have to get an assassin everywhere if he couldn’t travel on his own.

 

“Dude, stop. Look. Is that him? He’s got short hair,” A man stood from where he had been leaning back against the brick façade. He and Derek had been there for the past half hour making their rounds about the city. He was getting antsy. He needed to move.

“I can’t tell, Alex,” Derek squinted, leaning forward slightly and shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand. His new lieutenant was looking up the street at one of the many store fronts. It was difficult to tell exactly which one he was referring to with the crowds constantly shifting and obscuring their view.

“Me either --- wait… that’s the chick!” Alex exclaimed taking one step forward. Derek looked around quickly to make sure that no one around them had taken note of Alex’s outburst. He was a little too enthusiastic about this mission.

“Are you sure?” Derek was skeptical. They’d been searching for any sign of this girl for what felt like ages now. 

Their contact within HYDRA had been adamant that they not try to search for The Asset himself but rather go after (Y/n). They were never to approach her, just find and follow if she was alone. They seemed to think that trying to find The Asset was an impossible task for them. How hard could it be to find one man with a metal arm? The girl though, that was who they were supposed to focus their energy on – HYDRA had made that abundantly clear.

“Yes, look at her,” Alex pointed again. Derek grabbed Alex’s hand and forced it down to his side, growling in frustration.

“You need to be quiet and chill or someone’s going to hear you. Yeah… yea you’re right, that’s her,” Derek said taking a step forward and pulling out his cell phone. 

He zoomed in on (Y/n)’s face and snapped several pictures in a row before texting them to his contact. It wasn’t long before he received word back. _Do not approach. Will contact if further instructions necessary._ Derek stared at the message and then glanced back in the direction of (Y/n) and the Asset. They were nowhere to be seen. 

“What did what’s-his-face say?” Alex asked folding his arms. His eyes had followed (Y/n) until she disappeared in the sea of people. Watching her break down had brought back memories from the warehouse. He couldn’t wait to get a hold of her again. 

“He didn’t confirm anything. It’s still watch and wait.” Derek’s eyes were dark. He had spent days scouring the city for any sign of the man with the metal arm… _The Asset_ he reminded himself, and now he was told to wait. 

Alex’s mind was off thinking about (Y/n) while Derek contemplated revenge. “Is it worth waiting for orders, D?” Alex asked finally. He wasn’t interested in waiting and while the offers HYDRA had made were mouthwatering, they were in no way essential. 

“Yes,” Derek grit his teeth, “It is worth it,” he said with finality, resigned to wait for further instructions. 

\--

It wasn’t long before they reached Steve’s house. (Y/n) and Bucky walked hand in hand to the door. Just before (Y/n) could raise her hand to knock, Steve opened it and stared in awe at the two. He could hardly take his eyes off Bucky who stood in front of him, looking every bit like he remembered. 

“You gonna stand there or are you gonna invite us in, punk?” Bucky said but (Y/n) heard the thick emotion in his voice. Steve nodded mutely and stepped back so that (Y/n) and Bucky could come inside. 

For a long time Bucky and Steve looked at each other and said nothing. (Y/n) couldn’t imagine what was going through each of their heads. Finally Bucky stepped forward and gave Steve a hug, clapping him once on the back and then stepped back, giving him one firm nod. Hundreds of emotions and thoughts were conveyed in the simple action that required no words. Both seemed to understand. 

Bucky squeezed (Y/n)’s hand for reassurance. This was still new territory even if it felt familiar and right. (Y/n) squeezed back and the minute exchange was not missed by Steve. Bucky cleared his throat and excused himself.

“You must have some food around here somewhere,” he muttered raising his eyebrows at Steve. 

“Uh, yeah, Buck. Kitchen, help yourself,” Steve said still a little wide eyed. 

When Bucky left, (Y/n) watched Steve for a long time. “Are you alright?” she finally asked. He had been standing, staring after the direction Bucky went for quite some time now and hadn’t said a word. Steve snapped back to reality and when he turned back to (Y/n) she saw tears glistening in his eyes. “Oh, Steve,” she said and put her hand on his arm.

Steve brought his arms around (Y/n) hugging her close as he took in a ragged breath trying to control his emotion. He wasn’t one to wear them on his sleeve – except for when Bucky was concerned. His darkest nightmares and his ever hopeful dreams had both come true. He had lost his best friend, but now when there should have been no hope, he had gotten him back.

“Thank you,” Steve said and held her tightly. (Y/n) put her hand soothingly on Steve’s back and smiled when she felt him kiss the side of her head. “Thank you, (Y/n),” he whispered again against her hair. He quickly wiped his eyes and turned to see Bucky standing in the doorway with two plates. 

“Tryin’ to steal my beautiful dame?” Bucky asked playfully but there was an edge to his voice and (Y/n) saw a flash of jealousy in his eyes. Steve chucked and stepped back, hands held up in surrender. 

“Never,” he said and went to take one of the plates Bucky was holding.

“Yours is in the kitchen, punk,” he pulled the plate out of reach and handed it to (Y/n).

“Jerk,” Steve muttered with a smirk and went to the kitchen. 

The three ate lunch and (Y/n) was treated to hearing embarrassing stories about each of the two men. It quickly became a competition of who could tell the more embarrassing story and which could hold a poker face longest. (Y/n) was laughing so hard her sides hurt. Bucky watched her smile, her laughter, and reached under the table to hold her hand. He hadn’t been this happy in a long time.

\--

Blake was sitting back at SHIELD’s temporary headquarters. The abandoned airport was far from convenient but to have access to the people and the information he needed, it was necessary to be there. Old contacts were slowly trickling in as SHIELD tried to regroup. 

_Let them try. They took just as big of a hit as we did,_ he thought as his phone buzzed. Blake pulled his phone from his pocket and looked at the screen, a slow smile forming on his face. Fortune was once again on HYDRA’s side. They were _meant_ to succeed, this just confirmed it. 

_So (Y/n) is still with The Asset. Strange._ he thought but his mind was already working on how to use this to their advantage. There were too many possibilities to be able to choose correctly this instant. _Do not approach. Will contact if further instructions necessary._ he texted to his contact. He’d had a sneaking suspicion (Y/n) might still be involved with HYDRA’s assassin. Blake sighed and pocketed his phone. 

Blake was lost deep in thought when he felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder. He flinched only slightly but immediately put on a friendly smile. “Brett! It’s been too long,” he stood and offered his hand out for Brett to take. The two shook hands and clapped one another on the back in a friendly hug. 

“Damn straight it’s been too long,” Brett grinned and sat at the table in the chair opposite of Blake’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please please let me know what you thought! Lots of fluff and some little bits of smutty sexy times... all of which are good things ;) You guys are the absolute best and your comments keep me coming back to write more. I couldn't ask for better followers for this story! I love each and every one of you so so much! Much love <3

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive Criticism is always greatly appreciated! What did you like? What didn't you like? Leave a comment so I can get better!
> 
> *I own nothing of Marvel's Universe or its characters


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